The ONE.

I really think it has to do with the person who you are meant to be with. Again...it's tough to have that conversation if someone doesn't believe there is such a thing.

The interesting thing about it for me is that I don't really think I did believe there was such a person until I started seeing it for myself.

There is a difference between creating what we might think our perfect mate would be and seeing who is meant to be our perfect mate.

Again...perfect meaning perfect for that individual not universally perfect. The tough part that comes in with this is that I know in my case what I started seeing....all the different attributes were what many women might look for. Maybe the same could be said about Bronze....he has this image of a certain blonde show up and I'm sure for many men they would have a similar standard.

The thing that was interesting for me is that there are things that I saw about the man for me in visions and dreams that are not things that I would put on a list. It doesn't mean that they are negative things (although some may be) it's just that they would not be things that I would list.

I know in my life there have been men who have told me that I might fit some general standard. That I was the right "package" or whatever. The thing is....I'm not interested in a general standard or being the right package. I'm interested in being with the man I'm meant to be with - no one else. I've spent many years with others and at this point in life I would rather be alone. For me it's just not fair to anyone else to be with them...nor is it fair for myself. I don't think I can be "it" for someone unless they are "it" for me and visa versa. It truly is a fit. And it is something that goes beyond logic. It's a connection of mind, heart, soul, body, and spirit. Not something that people make happen or force in anyway - it just is. I'm not saying that this means there won't be any adjustments or things to work out in life.

If I were to describe the man in my life I'm sure that many women out there would say that the things I would list would fit their list of what they hope to find. They might say they would think he's perfect. The truth is he's human, flawed like the rest of us. He's an incredible man with amazing attributes....and we could find another woman who may fit his list of qualities that he would look for. However, that does not mean that they would fit. Because the difference is that people are made for one another.

I think if people are honest they will usually say that there was something that didn't fit with the person they were (or are) with. Maybe they are a great person and they may even have most of the attributes that might be on that magical list that we all have somewhere. But not all, and we look at what things we can deal with and what's most important to us....and very often settle. Settling may not be a bad thing. For many that works.

And for some they will not know that something was missing until they meet the person they are meant to be with and then suddenly everything changes.

So what if it's possible that there really is someone out there who truly fits for you? Just for you. 100% What if it's possible that you may have even seen them in your dreams as a child or seen glimpses or visions of them in your life? What if it's beyond your doing and it's truly a Cosmic or God thing?

Then the question becomes....how will you handle it when it becomes a reality in your life? If they really are "the one" for you....can you screw it up?

 

I'm going to answer my own question on this one.

It would appear that I certainly did screw things up with this man. Now, does that mean he was the one (certainly seemed like it!) and I messed things up? Or does that mean he wasn't the one...because how could we screw things up so easily with the person meant for us?

I'm pretty raw about it all at this moment. But my guess is that he wouldn't be the one for me...even if it's really hard for me to see that at this point. My best girlfriend is telling me how important it is to stay open. I'm not so sure. (I realize that's my pain talking) Her point is this....over the years I've tried to ignore or dismiss the dreams and visions I've had...but they always come back.

And maybe it is as some believe and there is no ONE person but several. I don't know. I guess I won't really know until it happens.

 

THE ONE

I happen to be one who believes that there is another for every kind, but I don't believe in a "one" that we were meant to be with.This may appear as a contradiction from my previous posts.I've stated before that I believe in soulmates.I mean to say that the "s" here is important.We all have someplace where we belong, and from this place where we belong, our "element", if you will, things like love emerge.It's about us coming into our own and once we do that , others(with an "s") will love us.Your outward world tends to reflect what you think on the inside.
On this board for example, I feel like it's the right "place" to be in if I am interested in a certain type of woman.But by no means does that mean any SPECIFIC woman as in a 'soulmate' singular.I think we draw several potential partners as a result of what we dwell upon the most.Then out of the potential partners we decide who we ultimately are the most compatible with and then declare them as "it," and many will commit to that person as their "it."
Just my .02 on it.

 

I thought I might update here ...for those who may care

I definitely did my best to screw things up and came very close to ruining it all. Ok so that seems like a very odd thing to do and say. I have this problem where I will get in my own way in life....not something I'm proud of and when I'm on solid footing I can usually see thoughts come up before I would actually do or say things to get myself into trouble. Right now...there is a lot going on in my life and sometimes it's very difficult for me to separate things out. I think much of my sabotaging myself comes from things in my past. While I've worked through them....old patterns still linger and if I'm not aware at the time...they can definitely sneak in.

So I found myself doing and saying all sorts of things that I would so hate in someone else. And I got called on it.

The thing about this relationship is that no matter what relationships I've had in the past, how many skills I may have learned along the way, no matter what things I may know from being around other people - it's not the same. That may seem so obvious - of course no 2 relationships are the same. But come on...I think most of us act and say things that we know to work (or not work) based upon prior relationships, whether we are concious of it at the moment or not.

I've realized how much in life I do and say things with an expected outcome based upon past experiences. Well that may work 95% of the time...but does it really?! It does in that it gives expected results... the same things happening over and over again. But is that what we want in life? They say that the definition of craziness is to continue to do the same things over and over again expecting different results.

I've also seen how much is about control and about battling for control. How much I think things *should* be a certain way (people should do specific things when I think they should - ICK!) But that of course comes from lack of trust and quite frankly those before didn't deserve complete trust. Also how much co-dependent behavior has existed in prior relationships and how at times I may unconciously try to go into that now.

I also noticed something that I know FSP and some of the rest of us have talked about in other threads. I realized how with men in the past I could and would run all over them. Not that I'm some horribly mean person...it's just something that has happened. I think that's control stuff really. But the thing is...this is a strong man. Nothing to do with control or arrogance or any other thing that some people think equates to strength. He knows who he is, what he wants, and is very well grounded and truly a strong man. There is no running over him and there is no interest on his side to be trying to control or supress a woman in any way.

I found myself, a typically rather calm (but passionate), confident, well grounded person talking and acting like a total psycho nutty child! It's like I was possessed and couldn't stop myself. I definitely found myself in a major spin.

I had to take responsibility for my actions, realize that it clearly was MY doing, and do what I could to clean it up. The very cool thing in it all is that he has the ability to really see who I am through all my crazyiness, the mess in circumstances in my life at the moment, and my trying to push him away when that was the very last thing I would ever want to do.

I think for me I thought that once I met this person that I have been dreaming about and having visions of for years and years...that things would just fall instantly into place and we would be together all the time. Actually...I'm not even sure what I thought - I don't know that I ever thought about that other than the "scenes" I saw of us together. I don't know that I ever thought about the day to day life and how it all fit. Part of me was so excited that he found me and I think I just wanted to rush it all. Ok so I said it was crazy!

Now I just have to be able to continue to stay in the experience of our relationship and not let my mind, things others may say, etc get in my way. When I am with him or when I am alone but in tune with the experience of us it's all so very clear. There are no doubts or craziness.

 

I think falling into the trap of 'rushing' a relationship is extremely normal (not that you aren't special! :wink: ). It's so easy to look ahead to special occasions or outings that the two of you can share. Plus, we all want that someone we can envision in our lives 10, 20 yrs down the road.

I'm surprised you are questioning the idea of the 'one' - b/c you were certainly quite sure of the concept earlier. I assumed that your belief in the matter was not from the dazzle of meeting this one guy, but of inner-reflection?

Well, regardless, I'm sorry you are in pain now. Things will turn around, they always do! Just never as quickly as we would like them to... :?

 

hmm I think I may have miscommunicated something here.

I'm not questioning my belief in the one. I did have moments of questioning and doubts about this particular man. I knew that I had seen him in dreams...questioned that I may have misread what his role really was and I was open to looking at other beliefs about it all. However, as always - I came back to my own beliefs, and there is no questioning going on now.

And you are correct....my beliefs did not come from meeting of this man. Rather, the meeting of this man confirmed all my beliefs.

Not in pain over anything to do with the relationship...actually - quite the contrary. Just other crap going on in life that I'm dealing with.

 

Well, this is the post that made me think you are questioning things and were hurting over this guy. And actually, somehow I got it in my mind that this was your latest post.

Hope the other things in your life get straightened out for you.

 

Ah yes that would have been in the middle of my mess!

Thanks ....they will...just part of life. Not too fun...but it will pass. And truthfully that's the part that I'm probably more wanting to rush. I'd just like to be over with it all. But you know the only way past something is through it. Just would be nice if getting through it would go FASTER! :lol: