The ONE.

She stood before me smiling that beaming smile I have seen so often from the women in my life.

But, at the time, I was just fifteen. I had not had the many love affairs that followed later in life. In fact, I had experienced only one brief fling at the time. And that smile of hers seemed so mysterious to a teenager.

But, early that morning, I was dreaming the most vivid dream imaginable, one that has stayed with me for over 20 years as it seemed so incredibly real.

She was unlike anyone I’ve ever met before or since. She understood me better than anyone possibly could.

I sat there (in my dream) as an adult man very much like I am today. For whatever reason, I seemed subdued…As if all of the hard work to get to this point had reached fruition. And my greatest prize was this lady before me; so full of joy and deep caring that I could not help but want to know more about her from my 15 year old vantage point.

She was stunning to look at: Lovely blonde hair with a smile that would light up the sky in the dead of night. But, it was not just her lovely appearance. She was such a giving soul that you could sense her caring presence even with your back turned to her.

As if not to let me know too much about her too soon as I was still a kid, she excused herself to find something of comfort to me in the next room.

The room I was in was amazing. An aqueduct ran through the floor carrying water to a fountain in the center of the partition. Everything in that room seemed to glisten of shiny gold or silver. A spectacular chandelier stood gloriously overhead. A bottle of champagne was fixed in ice waiting for us to consume the contents.

As I sat there in an exhausted, fatigued pose, she uttered some of the only words I can remember: “WE DID IT.”

All of my life I’ve wondered what she meant by that. What exactly did WE do?

Then she smiled at me with that incredible, loving, giving smile of hers before she said “you just sit there, I’m going to get you something"………..and the rest is hazy.

It would be easy for me to chalk this up as just a young man’s dream. But, why do I cling to this in spite of all of the many attractive women I’ve been with and befriended. Why does she stay in my thoughts even after I’ve entered the most loving relationships? And, as busy as I am chasing my goals and dreams every day, this moment stays with me somewhere deep in the background.

A physicist told me that I did meet her in another dimension. I'm almost inclined to agree with him because those moments seemed very, very real. But, if he is right, why not this dimension? It’s amazing to recall someone you’ve never met in this world?

Was it a premonition of what’s to come? It sure feels like it!

I think I will be with her when we are both ready to do so. Perhaps the two of us still have some learning to do.

It’s the only reason I can think of for keeping this rare, lifelong memory with me for such a long period of time without me consciously or intentionally trying to do so.

 

Very interesting....the whole thing and the take from the physicist.

I've had my own dreams and visions over the years. Along the way I have found that others have had similar things in their lives. And actually someone on this board was recently talking to me about how I should write it all down and post them here. I have been writing it all out...I don't think I'll be posting it here though. I'm fully aware of how crazy I would sound.

Some will say that we put out into the universe what we want and create that and then it will manifest itself. I think that could be true...I know I've done that with other things in life.

For me....it's always been very clear that "he" was searching for me and would find me. Interestingly enough I've been in a process where people would show up with bits and pieces of what I've seen and then as time went on more and more parts. In the past year or so things have become more and more clear and very detailed. For a long time I dismissed details thinking things like that really didn't matter and it was more about the essence of the person. I've tried to fit people into what I had seen. I've had men try to be what they thought the dream was too. Very recently I've met someone who seems to be this person. But interestingly enough, I still find myself questioning some things too. I think at this point it has to do with that there are quite a few things that I have seen that have not happened yet. I'm not sure if that makes any sense. For me it is not just one scene - there are many.

I always find it really fascinating to come across others who have experienced similar things. Personally, I've done all sorts of questioning about it all along the way. Is this some sort of spirit guide? Is it God sending me a message? Is it some sort of messenger? Is this someone I was with in a different life time? Have I tapped into some alternate plane? is it just some fantasy? Is it really the person I'm meant to be with? For me...the answer keeps coming back that it is the man I'm meant to be with and there have been many times when that truly was the last thing that I wanted as the answer.

I'm sure there are many different takes on what you have experienced. I think only you can know though. I think as you open yourself up more and more then more and more will become clearer for you. But then maybe not. I mean for me, I think that I saw so many things because if I hadn't and I were seeing them now in someone I would have a VERY hard time believing much of it. But because I've seen so many things in dreams and visions it makes sense to me.

Ok I'm getting out there and I'm probably not making much sense now. I just wanted to tell you - you aren't the only one. And for what it's worth...the man that I met has been writing about the woman he had dreamed of for many years.

Anyway...thanks for posting what you did. I came downstairs because I was struggling with it all some. It was good for me to read what you wrote.

 

I understood everything you said here.

The lady I'm with now has so many of the characteristics I described. I don't know if she is "The ONE" as I put it. But, I can easily tell that I'm getting closer to finding her (just as you seem to be closer to finding the man of your dreams).

This is not at all crazy. It may even be a sign of great intellect if you can conjure up the kind of person that's perfect for you (in my case, even at the age of 15).

The one thing that you said that rings true for me is that "we put out into the universe what we want and create that and then it will manifest itself."

It has happened to me as well; from where I live to the very nice neigbors that I have. I wanted to be here when I was a kid. I'm here.

When I was a kid, I wanted to give up my restless football life and form my own business. I've done just that as an adult.

I wanted to go back and forth from one city to the next on occasion. I do so when it makes sense.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts Kn. It takes a little courage to post honestly.

As for me, I suppose I gave up fearing what others might think a long time ago. As you and I know, California (esp. NorCal) can do that to you.

 

I think you will absolutely know and there won't be any question. The struggle and questioning I have going on right now has to do with other things. I mean I guess it's possible that he may not be the one...if that's the case - it would be tough to imagine anyone being any closer. I have yet to see anything that would say he's not. Things are very new though and I'm watching.

For me, with this particular process, it wasn't a matter of envisioning what I wanted in life and creating that. I'm very good at doing this. But in this case it truly was him doing that and me seeing it. My part in it would be that I did meditate and pray asking God to show me who I was meant to be with. Now the very interesting thing about that is that what came to me over and over again was this man. If you knew of my circumstances you would know how completely bizarre that was and how it would have made much more sense for someone else to show up.

I have a lot more to say...but don't really care to do it quite so publically. I certainly don't give a rip what people think of me. However, I have had the situation where people have taken what I've said and tried to turn it into benefitting themselves. I'm not interested in someone trying to become the person in my dreams, just as I'm not interested in making myself into the person in theirs. I think we either are or we are not.

If you want to IM or email me - feel free to do so...both are listed on here. Obviously we are both involved and we are not each other's "one"....just from the few things you've said there definitely are some cross overs - not surprising really. I just think it would be interesting to talk with someone else who's been in the same process. Sometimes for me, it's tough to stay true to my own visions.

(ooops I guess email addys dont show up on profiles on here - but it's the same as the Yahoo Instant Messenger)

 

"I just think it would be interesting to talk with someone else who's been in the same process."

I'll e-mail you later on tonight. You are right. It'll allow us to be a lot more open about things without disclosing to the entire free world.

I don't think I've spoken about this for an extended time with anyone. So, this may turn out to be interesting.

Chat with you later.

Bronze

 

Sounds good.

 

On a similar topic...

I have a sort of psychic sense, so that when I meet someone who I end up dating, I feel a sort of shudder of recognition, almost. This only seems to operate for my more 'serious' relationships. When I met all of the people I ended up dating I remember drifting into almost a dreamlike state: perhaps it was just an excess of sexual chemistry bowling me over, or whatever, but it is as if the whole situation falls away from my control. Perhaps it is the recognition of compatible individuals or something? I wonder if the other person feels it too?

For example: I felt this odd recognition when I met my very first serious boyfriend although we actually didn't end up dating until he told me almost a year and a half afterwards that he was interested...at the time, I remember the whole meeting striking me as an exquisite moment but not really knowing why.

Does anyone else get this?

 

I get it MB.

Ok so in reading the things you have written about past relationships, what comes up for me is that you need to trust what you see much more. My guess would be in that list of negatives you posted elsewhere that you saw things about them from the get go too. I think it's very important to stay true to our own paths and trust what we see. JMO

Of course the whole "the one" thing is something that we can discuss as well. I know I briefly brought it up in chat yesterday. Some feel there is "the one" the one true love of one's life. Others feel there is not just one and/or that one person could never be all the things that we see.

 

Well, sometimes when I first meet someone there is a sense of familiarity. They seem to 'get' me and I 'get' them. It's not psychic but the rate at which I will confide in that person or agree to spend time with them is increased. Actually, that can happen with women I meet, too. I've noticed that people who catch on to my sense of humor right away also seem to gel with me in other ways more quickly.

 

I agree more that no one person can provide all that we need. Even if I find an amazing man in the future, I would never expect to get everything from him that I do from a variety of different friends...all those people should have a place in your life. I think it's about prioritizing what you really do need in a companion and trying to find those minimums...anything extra will be a bonus.

I don't agree in "the one" either... I believe that people can be in the right or the wrong place to be in a committed relationship, and obviously if they're in the right place it's more likely to work. Also that people are more or less compatible with certain people, but nothing more than that.

 

Prioritizing can be tricky. I dated a guy who was smart, sensitive, generous, fun, but there wasn't a huge amount of phsyical attraction. And I talked myself into thinking that phsyical attraction doesn't have to be all that important if the other things are there. Well, after about 6 mos that weak phsyical attraction had tapered into nothing. I broke up with him.

Hmm, I guess I simply learned that a strong phsyical attraction is one of my minimum requirements!?!

 

Well i mean that makes sense, because the way I look at it is that the difference between a friend and a partner is that : you spend more time with them, and you have to be physically intimate with them! I don't think it's shallow to prioritise physical attraction and sexual chemistry, more pragmatic! (as long as it has the same level of importance as things like considerateness, humour, intelligence - you don't have to discount physical attractiveness by prioritising these things).

They say you can decide if someone is attractive to you within 7 seconds...that's true from my perspective. I've never gone for it with anyone apart from those that I've met and instantly thought, mmm...

 

When I broke up with that guy I was sad b/c I felt like I was losing a friend and looking back, he never should have been more than a friend.

I'm on board with the 7 sec. thing. It's like listening to that little voice in your head that tells you when something is right or wrong. If you overlook it, then you are going to force a friend into a b/f role and regret it.

Someone was posting here the other day that a woman decides within the first 30 sec of meeting a man whether she will sleep with him or not. I think that is kind of true, but should probably be modified to "whether she will consider eventually sleeping with him."

 

Bingo. I know right away if someone is a "maybe" or a "not on your life"!

 

Or the third option of "OMG I hope so!" :lol:

 

I guess it would be pretty obvious that I do think there is a "one". As in the one true love of your life. I've been asked ok so what about if you find that person and then something happens to them...does that mean that there would be no one else out there for you? I don't know. I do know that people can decide to make relationships work and may do so pretty well. But that's different than someone really being the one for them. As in - the one God made for them. (and yes I know some have different beliefs and would call it something else)

I used to not believe that....as evidenced by my prior relationships. I basically thought that you find someone who's compatible and you are both on the same page, make a commitment and you make it work. I dismissed the need for someone to meet specifics for me and for me to meet specifics for them. I do think there is someone who will fit everything for each of us. Now I didn't say they will be all things to us and therefore we have no need for any other relationships - not at all. What I am saying is that I think it's pretty commonplace for people to settle. We think that 80% or whatever is damned good and we shouldn't expect someone to fit 100% for us. I'm not talking about the perfect person - but the perfect one for us.

I realize that different things work for different people. I know that most people saw my long term marriage as enviable...many would wish to have the type of relationship we had. We were able to get along well, communicate well, and we had a strong friendship. We worked well at problem solving and so on. That's great...NO passion whatsoever. But the thing is that for many out there - we had more than most. If you take a look around and talk to people about passion...for many they are not talking about true sustaining passion. They are talking about short lived lust based on physical traits or short lived feelings only. Ok that's great too - but it doesn't last. What happens when someone gains or loses weight? they get more wrinkles, have some sort of disfiguring accident, and so on? I'm not talking about just physical attractiveness....there are all sorts of ways to be attracted to someone. I happen to find intelligence, talent, drive, energy, and many more things extremely attractive...but the truth is they have to have the physical traits too. Has to be all of it. But the true passion comes from so many things and to me is not solely based upon look, build, etc.

I do think it's possible to really know if someone is "it" for you very quickly. The question is if we will trust what we see for ourselves or not...that can be the toughest part. For me, it's always been very easy to see if someone is NOT it...much easier.

 

I think any 'it' feeling you get right off the bat is only lust. How can it be anything else? You haven't had time to get to know that person, what drives them, how they react to different situations, if they really are who they say they are...It's all smoke and mirrors for the first 3-6 months.

 

I get what you are saying and certainly would have agreed with that in the past.

Not to get too out there...I think when we really know who we are....then we are able to really see who someone else is. With that, you can see if they are it for you or not. Now... I do think that it may take some time to see if their actions are consistent with their words and so on. Just because we are able to see who someone truly is doesn't mean that they know who they are. I think it's basically impossible for people to have a relationship without knowing who they are.

The thing is too that people meet in many different ways now. So they very well may have gotten to know many things about each other prior to actually meeting face to face. The face to face may be more of a confirmation in these days. I said that I think it's possible to know if someone is "it" for you very quickly...that doesn't necessarily mean instantly - but it could. I know people who definitely did know upon that first meeting and it was not a lust based thing at all. Maybe it's a cosmic thing - I don't know.

I think the thing that's really difficult about this conversation is that if you haven't experienced it...words are just not going to do it. It's totally an experiencial thing. And the tough part about this conversation is that if you don't believe that there is such a thing as "the one" for you then it's pretty much impossible to move forward in the conversation. you know?

 

I think many of us men have dreams of our "perfect" woman. I too wish I had the sweet embrace of someone who deeply cares for me. Maybe your not getting enough emotional fullfillment. Sure, you might be bagging one blonde after another, but if none of them are truly loving you, then this girl represents what's missing.

 

Briar, that's a great point. I thought about that.

I'd be lying if I said I was not getting enough emotional support. I get it over and over again. In fact, as I was writing this, I felt a little guilty.

I have a great girlfriend (who just happens to be my best friend), a good life, good friends, great neighbors, even the weather is cooperating.

I wish I could pinpoint exactly why I still think of this lady.

Maybe it was how it impacted me at such an early age. I mean...think about it. Would it impact you to have a real adult knockout hottie that was primed to strip you of all of your clothes at the age of 15?

I got some attention from girls my own age back in high school? But this woman was no kid....LOL! So, I'm sure that has something to do with it.

But, it felt different. Briar, she was perfect. I mean I've had moments where everything seemed perfect before with a woman.

The only way to describe it is finding the perfect female compliment to you (and you the perfect male compliment to her). The two of you fit like the perfect glove.

Kn said it best. She said sumthin like "the person for you is not at all perfect...just perfect for you...and vice versa, warts and all."

One of my friends told me that within five minutes of meeting his date, he knew he was going to marry her. And he did!

I've loved a lot of girls. I've yet to experience that.