The Gifts That Santa Forgot

Here are some christmas presents I would like to give out. Just for fun - please add what you would like to give away - you get the drift.

For Sara Palin:
A subject and a verb for every sentence.

For Donald Trumph:
A visit to a hairdresser

For Jennifer Aniston:
A dating coach

 

For Nadya Suleman (Octomom):
A brain and a hysterectomy

For Jon & Kate Gosselin:
Dignity and tape for their mouths

For Blair Underwood:
My phone number :smt047

 

Thought i'd make it gifts for members in mine

Petty= That T shirt you've been needing for a while now.

Jaybee ww.blah.blah= Zippys Zipper from Rainbow, hey I will throw in George while I'm at it so you have got a friend.

For myself= A little Badge that says " You're the Best!" on it, so I never under appreciate myself.

 

I tell him every year again to distribute packages of tolerance- but I don´t know he always forgets..

 

For TO:
A new pair of hands

 

For Lorenzo Lamas:
A career.

 

Think that I'll take one of those badges too Francie...!!!

Oh & absolutely spot on with the shirtless wonder...the e-whore certainly does need a tee

 

and from what i see, his offspring & ex-wives

 

For the New Jersey Nets:

One win this season.

 

Merry Christmas y'all.

 

I must have seen at least a dozen commercials for Dog the Bounty Hunter this weekend, so...

For Dog:

1. Some type of deep conditioning treatment for his hay, er I mean hair, immediately followed by a hair cut to cure him of his bropunzel look.

2. A lifetime supply of Clinique's Maximum Hydrator moisturizer for men.

3. A shirt that buttons all the way up to the neck, or a nice set of impressive abs if he's going to insist on wearing his shirts open to the waist... perhaps Petty could give him some workout tips so he doesn't look like the Pillsbury dough boy in drag.

 

Lol and For Dogs Wife, "I haven't watched in ages mind, she may have made changes?"

1 A skirt that covers her arse and foo foo.

2 Some running shoes because every time they go catch a crim, she is tottering around in a pair of Heels.

3, the good sense enough to shut up when they catch someone and not patronise the drug addict, shoplifter and Bicycle thief, the bored exspression on there faces clearly states there boredom, no amount of Heels and high hair are ever gonna change that.

 

Unfortunately, based upon the commercials I fast-forwarded through, she hasn't. :smt009

 

Dear Santa,


Bring me a hot young blonde w/ double Ds, bright eyes, a small waist and a nice tight ass.

Considering how well behaved I've been all year, it's the least you can do.

For the right price, I promise, I'll return the favor.


Sincerely,

-LA

 

Perspective Present: Inner Beauty

Qualifications:

Hot Young....................Yes [ ] No [x]
Blonde.........................Yes [ ] No [x]
Double D's....................Yes [ ] No [x]
Bright Eyes...................Yes [x] No [ ]
Small Waist...................Yes [x] No [ ]
Nice Tight Ass...............Yes [ ] No [x]

 

I think I can work with those attributes ^^.

 

:smt006

 

:smt058

 

:smt060

 

Dear Santa,

Can you please bring poor Tiger some common sense or at the very least an incredible lawyer so his dumb ass isn't left with nothing.
After all he did earn all that money on his own.

Can you also bring Michelle Obama some lips. No black woman should ever suffer from muppet mouth yuck!

Can you bring us back to a time where Vampires and Werewolves don't rule pop culture. How about back to the mid 90s when Jordan was king and poor Brittany Murphy was still making Clueless. I'm going to miss her cute white ass.

Finally can you bring me Beyonce. Yes I know i've devoted my heart to white women but there are some women who's hottness just transcends race. If you can't bring me her because she's married to the greatest rapper of all time can I have Penny from Big Bang Theory. She actually makes me tingle by looking at her.



Your Friend,

Andrae