The Dating Scene at The Gym

I was wondering if folks who are familiar with the gym scene can give me some pointers as to how exactly you can tell if a woman at the gym is interested in you. For instance, does she tend to come and sit at a machine next to you when you're working out, does she smile and make eye contact with you, or does she come up directly sometimes and ask you a random question for example about some workout equipment?


I think I was pretty able to read those signals from two women at my gym last summer. Those two did exactly the things I mentioned above, but I wasted too much time playing the game and trying to act as if I wasn't interested in them or noticing them. In the end of course, I never saw them again and I lost a great opportunity. Especially when one smiles at you and looks at you straight in the eye or sits at a machine directly facing you so you can stare directly into each other's eyes.


The problem with the gym environment is people gossip a lot and it tends to be the same people showing up over and over. So I'm a bit worried about my reputation because I talked to three women there in the past few weeks and got two phone numbers and one "I'll see you around" line from the third. I'm worried some folks might start to say things like "you see that guy there, all he does is hit on this one and then that one, etc." I live in the suburbs of Philadelphia and haven't had a car now for about 3 years, so meeting women in social settings at night has become practically impossible, as the trains stop running at 11pm where I live and if I go out at night, I may find myself stuck in the city and unable to return home. I had a very good and reliable friend that I used to hang out with, but he moved to Canada. So the gym is one of the few places where I get to interact with women on a regular basis aside from perhaps if I were walking down the street in the city, or were at a bookstore.


So aside from the reputation thing, I also would like to know if there's a way to filter out women who are open to being approached from those who don't want anyone to talk to them and are there just to workout. I usually interpret those with headphones as giving off a message saying "I don't want to be bothered," but then I've talked to some in the past and they've taken them off and actually given me their numbers.


Well...I'm not trying to be a player here, but most of the women I have met in my attempts ar dating have been the really superficial, insensitive and player types and my feelings and emotions have been hurt and exploited a lot on a consistent basis. From being passed over during my undergraduate days in college for supposedly being too nice, to calling up women who I thought were single to take them out only to be suddenly told "I have a boyfriend" or "I will not be able to meet you for lunch. I actually do have a boyfriend. You are a very attractive guy, so it was hard for me to resist. I hope you understand." Not to mention the countless fake phone numbers. Many times, I'm just amazed at how insensitive and cold people can be when it comes to dating here in America.


But having been living in the U.S. now for so many years, I've been able to balance being courteous/polite and classy with also having an edge, so that no one thinks they can just talk to me any how, and women who are rude and used to intimidating men and getting their way with them just can't do it with me anymore. Things seem to have changed especially ever since I began lifting weights almost three years ago on a consistent basis and have packed on a lot of muscle. A lot of the women, even some with their boyfriends, who wouldn't even care to look at me when I was skinnier now turn around when I'm walking by and just minding my business. It's a shame folks are so superficial.

Anyway, I'd appreciate you guys' take on the gym scene.

 

I remember back in the summer of 2004...right before I started college...there was this blonde lady that started chatting me up after watching me in the gym for a while. I used to run a lot and one day she just broke the ice and said..."Wow...how do you run with the incline that steep for so long. I see you in here quite a bit...." We exchanged pleasantries....she looked like she might have played softball or something.


I was 18...and looking at her...I figured she must have been at least 25....maybe 26 or 27....part of me wanted to really get my mack on....but I think I hesitated because of the age difference.


:cry:

 

Stop thinking and doubting yourself so much. You sound like a very together guy, and you sound pretty good at reading all the signals, like eye contact, smiles etc...

Screw what other people think about you, it doesn't matter and it isn't true so do your own thing and it'll work eventually.

Even if you do misread a woman's signals and she turns you down it's not a big deal. She said no and it doesn't matter why, that isn't your worry so just let it go. Now you are free to forget about her and move on to the next lucky lady!!

As for getting fake numbers and things like, some women are too weak to just say no outright to a guy. Lame, but true. It's their weakness, and though it's irritating to you it doesn't reflect anything about you!!

 

Re:

Thanks there, fnnysmrtprtty. One thing that I don't quite get at least with the gym that I go to, is that for some reason, a lot of the male personal trainers just seem to love to hate on me. I go to one of those gyms where many male personal trainers (like in most gyms) who either lack the social skills or confidence/game to appraoch women use their positions to take advantage of and exploit vulnerable women sexually. Their greatest nightmare is to see a guy who they think can compete with them in that domain or who they think the women they want to take advantage of may find more physically attractive than them. So when they see me talking to a woman, they stand there from a distance and frown and a lot of them tend to gossip about members. They come and go and in each new group, there are at least two who behave that way toward me.

 

Duuuuuuuuudeee!

You spend way too much time worrying about other mofos, what they think and how they see you and all that bullshit! C'MON!

You gotta pull all that back into yourself and project a I just don't give a fuck attitude.
THEN, when u see a babe u want...go for it ...stop thinking and act...

You're in the gym...pheromones are everywhere...babes can SMELL your hesitation...


Get the hell outta that area man...

Go somewhere else...

You gotta take risks...

 

Re:

Your response was just what I needed to get me motivated again to re-enter the dating scene at 100%, Lucifer. You know, many folks often use the claim that most women who go to gyms go there to workout and don't want to be bothered. While this may be true, I stand more to lose by not trying at all. Never mind...I've always been a man of action, but a few people tried to discourage me by throwing the "reputation" thing in my face. I appreciate your feedback.