Stuff and a Break-UP

When you end a relationship, what do you keep and what do you return?

 

I get rid of everything that may be of sentimental value, you know, letters, notes etc.
birthday/x mas gifts are truly yours and I find it silly when someone wants gifts back. Unless you feel like giving it back. I feel the same about gifts that were give for no reason.. they were gifts, they shouldt have some strings attached or they should not be given in the first place.
However if they are really really expensive. then that should be negotiable and discussed.. .. I would be willing to give them back.
Shared gifts, if possible split in half...
An engagement ring I see people have different opinions but I wouldnt wanna keep it.

 

I would say it depends on how we broke up. Was everything fair and we just had to decide that it won´t work, I would give him back everything he´d like to have, especially expensive presents.But was the break up unfair- never I´d give expensive presents back. you know a little bit punishment has to be.;-)

I always keep everything of sentimental value from my former men, for sure I put it in a box, but I want to accept my memories as my past, as a part of myself. I have a good relationship to all of them. Some got good friends, some I lost sight of. But I know, I could call them all, would I need them today.

 

I have always kept gifts no matter what they cost. I have never expected anyone to give me back a gift I have given themregardless of the price. A gift is a gift. I guess the only thing I ever kept that people later said was weird was I kept my ex's email adresses. After a while I had used them more than him so I convinced him that they should be mine as they were more associated with me and I didnt't want to change it everywhere. I did change the passwords though.

 

I personally have given nothing back in my time, no one has once asked me to give a gift back, that includes jewellery and I've never asked for a gift back either (although I must be honest when I say, I don't really give gifts to men) I keep my cards, letters and ticket stubs for things in a old gift bag at the back of the cupboard, I don't pour over them, but i like to have those memories there.

 

Me too, I agree on all accounts.

 

There's nothing weird with that in my books! I kept my ex's email address and also his yahoo account lol It was the same with me, I used it more then he did so I said screw him when we broke up and changed the passwords.

 

I moved so many times that I actualy don´t have anthing from my exes anymore because I have to much of my own stuff and I don´t need to carry all that bullshit stuff with me.

The onlything left is a neckless without the gam, because I can use it on all my other gems so well and one gem from an other guys ( this was an extra larege and huge amberstone for saying sorry). But taking those withme was more because they where in my stuff and it would be way to much effort giving them back. OK no the amberstone... well I actualy like it so much, even when it was realy expenise..... this stone is just mine lol

Plus the German law says that u can keep presents!!:smt026

 

If they ask for it back, I give it back. I have had a one ex who wanted everything back and I gave it. Had another super wealthy one who only wanted the engagement ring back, so he got it. He had given me some serious jewelry but only wanted that back.

I cant recall ever asking for anything back. Usually when I leave, I am pretty much done and dont want to ask/argue over trinkets.

 

I've never lived with anyone or anything like that so when it comes to big things that you've shared, I wouldn't really know but as for his belongings, I give them back, if they want it. If not, I chuck it. What's the point of keeping his shirts and hoodies??
As for gifts, I do keep them, but if they are sentimental gifts like rings, I don't wear them anymore but put them away. Unless it was a really harsh breakup where I just want to forget everything about the person, I like to keep some sort of pleasant memories about the relationship.

 

Geeez, are there no more guys on this site???

I generally insist that they discontinue any relations they may have made with my family and friends, and so far, no transgressors.

Fairly even sheet, mine. Apart from one bitch who still owes me £60 for some train tickets I'd bought in 2001, 2 days before we broke up abruptly. But, "Vengeance is Mine", sayeth the Lord, and of course, anyone you come across called Jaybee. Yes, you guessed it, a Jaybee rant shall surge forth...



Her family business went bust a few years later, and her old fella died the year after we broke up, that pair of ditzes took a thriving, 3-shop concern of 30 years standing, and ran it into the ground in less than 5 years, like a couple of Adolfettes in 1940, and now she and the poor bastard she suckered into putting the ring on her finger live on food stamps and sleep in some hovel, according to her sister, who at least had a brain in her skull to go work for the local enterprise council.

Shame she changed address, I'd love to send her some more train tickets where she'd feel at home...but there's no rail service in Antarctica.

 

You ask for the girls you date to discontinue relations with your friends and family....yet you still stay in contact with theirs??? That doesn't seem very fair!

 

Well, just like the ex in question is the only one who owes me money, her sister is the only exception I made to my own rule. When we broke up, I was in Germany, having taken a week off to go see her. Her sister lived nearby and when the split hit the fan, she insisted I spend the remaining 4 days with her and her boyfriend, I protested but remembered that I'd already taken the time from work, so those two showed me around, we went on hikes, did a bunch of touristy stuff she doesn't normally do, they took me out on the town, I tried numerous times to buy them a meal out for their hospitality, but they kept refusing, it was a struggle just to buy them a round! it was a great time had by all.

At one point later that week we all met again, the two sisters had a blazing argument about how she (my ex) was mistreating me, how she was acting like a complete diva, and apparently relations have been rocky at best between them. I was the straw that broke the camels back.

It didn't FEEL right just walking away without keeping in contact. But that's the only exception.

 

I believe, unless it's a smooth break up, one should not associate with the ex's friends and family anyway. Rough break ups and continuing contact with people close to the ex is usually uncomfortable for all involved.

Though there are always exceptions. I still stay in contact with my ex boyfriends mother, because she's an absolutely sweet woman and we had a long talk right before I broke up with her son where I pointed out that she didn't need to think I had any ill feelings toward her. She'd been so wonderful the whole time I was with him, and I called her so much when I was pregnant asking for advice...She's a wonderful woman. So we still talk on occasion. Plan on taking her out for dinner or something next time she's around, if I got the cash. She lives in Cali, though, so she doesn't exactly stroll through the neighborhood every week.

That's the first time that's ever happened, though. I broke all contact with my ex husband's family, and I'm very glad I did. They weren't good people.

 

What if you and your ex have mutual friends? Do you expect those mutual friends to take sides or would you be okay with them maintaining the friendship with you both?
I agree with the family thing. I'd be quite confused if my parents still met up with my ex boyfriend for drinks or to go and watch the football.

As for the tickets? Maybe you had a harsh break up or a bad relationship, the details of which I obviously have no knowledge of, but for something like that to happen to her, that's actually quite sad...surely not worth taking pleasure out of her misfortune for train tickets!

 

Interesting thought...I haven't come across it much as I generally don't date 'friends friends' or ask my mates, "Have you got a sister?" I certainly wouldn't want them taking sides. Ultimately I cannot enforce the cleanliness of a breakup, but if people want to remain friends, I'd hope they have the good sense to not invite us both to the same gatherings at the same time!!

Actually, I AM about to be one of said 'friends', the wife of one of my best friends is starting divorce proceedings in December, she and I are also very good friends (no, that's not a euphemism!!...come to think of it, she does flirt outrageously with me and on occasion in front of him), she's astonishingly empathic, she has this way of just peering right into my soul, it's like nothing escapes her, plus she's one of those women whose external beauty is mirrored perfectly inside, and I really would miss her if she decided to cut off from all his friends, including myself. She said the same about me. So we've agreed to remain in contact, but we won't see each other much, and certainly not around her (soon to be) ex.

You're right, I ought to be bigger than that, but it WAS a very messy breakup. Grab a cuppa, this is is a long one. Up until then, I'd NEVER loved someone so much, or so deeply. I'd have given up everything for her. When we met in September 00, it was just love at first sight, I KNEW I wanted this girl. She was a superb catch in anyones book, tall, elegant, statuesque, politely spoken. She was like a GQ model, just female. We met a couple of times over weekends later that year, but when I turned up at her place for the first time in April 01, I barely recognised her, she looked like a Goth in civvies who'd been in a train wreck, I stayed for nearly 2 days in her huge, freezing flat while she carried on working in the afternoons, as her Mum was down with the flu, which I understood. Being a gentlemen, I slept in the guest room. But all she had was cereal, no pizza leaflets around, I could see why she'd dropped a stone and a half in the 6 months since we'd met in London. And again, I tried to be patient.

But by the late afternoons I was going out of my mind from hunger, there was next to nothing in the fridge, she wouldn't give me a spare key so I couldn't go out to a cafe', I just felt like a prisoner. The minute she walked in at 7 I'd ask, "So what time are we heading out to dinner?" She replied, "When you turn off the TV, could you do it manually? It's costing me money leaving it on standby overnight." I was appalled. It was as if a different woman had taken over her body and killed the girl inside I'd loved.

By Day 3 I couldn't hack it any more, I was freezing, starving AND not getting any lurrrrve of any kind, and that was that. That morning we went to the station and I bought some tickets to go to Berlin, came back to her flat, I explained that I needed lunch (as we humans do!), she just said "Oh, there's plenty of cereal". I was just livid, but still, I kept my mouth shut. That night we got into the car to go to a restaurant 70 miles away, I don't remember how it strarted but we got into a blazing row, it got pretty scary as she was screaming whilst driving down the autobahn, about stuff that had happened to her in the past, she had this weird, unhinged look in her eye, everything I said just made her scream louder, I just thought, "Keep your mouth shut Jaybee old son, because this is it...this loopy bitch is about to kill herself, and take you with her". I was afraid to ask her to pull the car onto the hard shoulder and let me out, because it could have tipped her over. Thank God she calmed down, but the rest of the journy was filled with long silences, broken only by her muttering, "I've got friends in my life, friends who are there for me" and, "I want you OUT from under my roof, no delays!" - which was fine by me, apart from the fact I wanted out too, the beauty part was that it implied I'd still be ALIVE later that night.

Got out of the car at the other end, I have NEVER been so relieved to open a car door in my life. As I closed it, she flashed me a look like it said, 'You betrayed me!' - for what, I don't know, but we met her sister+boyfriend, in the restaurant. I could barely eat, though I was starving hungry. When she went to the ladies, I told them everything, and her sister said I should go back with her.

Not a happy experience, as you can see.

 

The reason that I asked is that me ex bought me a motorcycle. I did return it. It would have felt weird keeping it.

 

I returned something to my ex, I wish I never. Thought I'd feel good about my conscience and all that. I never though. Shoulda sold all his stuff as well, rather than just some of it. :smt077

 

Lol yep, I sold my exs car it gave me an enormous sense of wellbeing.

 

Ahahaha love it! I was down your way a few weeks ago Love London! Goin back half way through November too.