Sorting out my feelings and expectations

So, a few days ago, I received a response from a young lady to an ad I posted on Craigslist. She articulates well, seems open-minded, etc. I figured she was probably a "suburban" girl. Instead, she's an "urban" girl with a few interesting twists. I spoke to her for the first time last night, and I was disappointed further. She seemed like a typical "urban" chick. No big deal, but why would I feel disappointed?

Is my attraction to and interest in "urban" women on the decline? Has my experiences with them put a sour taste in my mouth? For me, it's a matter of environment, character, and personality -- hence why I'm more attracted to "surburban" women than "urban" ones.

I guess I'm discovering that I simply don't "mesh" well with "urban" or "wannabe urban" women, even though I myself am a product of an urban city (Detroit), although I do not fit the profile. Am I making sense here?

Ultimately, I wish to meet new and interesting people who are open-minded, and feel and think as I do with regard to realizing a "colorless and raceless" society. I guess that's too much to wish for, eh?

 

Ron, what is your definition of “Urban”?

I live in and love the city and in my experience some of the most open minded, diverse, smart people I’ve met are “city folks”.

I don’t want to put words in your mouth but are you saying “ghetto” when you say “urban”? Are you meaning ghetto women?

I’m trying to understand.

 

Sounds like by "urban" he means "ghetto."

And the "raceless, colorless" thing is a pipe dream, dude. You're a black man, end of story. Tiger couldn't sell the "cablinasian" thing and he's rich and famous. He's black too. :lol:

 

Your mentality is exactly why people cannot move beyond the concept of race. What makes you think that I am "black"? Does my skin color appear "black" to you? I think not. I love it when people assume that they know anything about my background. And, Tiger isn't "black", either. You cannot take a group of different people, and label them the same. That's like taking apples and labeling them as oranges.

So, people can assume and label all they want. I know who I am as an individual, man, and human being.

The "raceless and colorless" society isn't a pipedream. People are discovering they've been "duped". If you look back the last 400-600 years, you'll discover where this all started. Unfortunately, no one has been smart enough to step up and shed the light on this, because people are too complacent and comfortable with the way life is. Not me.

 

I apologize if it seemed like I was coming down on you, man. Just seems like a semantic game to me, the race thing. When you go for that job interview, they won't be breaking down your family tree is all I'm saying.

"He got death threats. And he dates a white woman. Sounds like a black man to me." -- Dave Chappelle on Tiger Woods

 

Karma you hit it on the head. The meritocracy is definatly a pipe dream especially for Blacks.

 

Which is why you cannot be deterred by the ignorance of others. There are some people who will never open their minds to learn, and there are others who will. To some folks, yes, you will always just be another "black" person -- yet, you cannot worry about them. As long as you know YOU are as a PERSON, there's nothing that can STOP you.

 

Man this is a touchy subject,why does it seem to me that black folks and some whites don't think different races exist? Shit I bet if you robbed a bank they wouldn't just say that you are a human being they will be like that white guy or black guy just robbed us.

 

First, a disclosure: Race has been proven to be a fallacy. It is, and always will be, a "conceptual and social construct". As my signature states, "Race is a tool to fool" -- believe that.

Now, back to our stained reality: 100% of "Black" folks living in America are multi-ethnic by today's "racial standards." This means several sub-classes of groups. It's funny how "black" folks will see a "mixed" kid, and say, "Oooo, they mixed." Hell, they're mixed themselves, but always attempt to pass off as "Black". That's silly.

Hell, "colored" was more fitting in the past as a label than anything else. It by far tells some truth. Let's just face the unreality here: "Blacks" are simply mutts, mulatto, and the like. It's the "culture" that has led to some supposed "belonging" because of the way people talk, act, and live.

 

In the USA, there's also the centuries of slavery that led to this "belonging." Speaking in terms of US history and sociology only, we aren't at the point where we can escape at least color and, by extension, race. "Race" is imperfect as a label and I hate it also, Ron. "Ethnicity" is not great, either. Hmm, what definitive label could encapsulate "descendants of US slaves" for "Blacks" or "mutts" or "mulattos" or "non-white (non-light, somewhat-darker?) people with semi- to ultra-coarse hair"? We still have a shared experience in this country that kind of groups us together. If you've never been discriminated against based on your skin color, then you probably know some black person who has been. The Civil Rights and Voting Rights Acts are only 40-something years old. Hopefully our country continues to move toward breaking down barriers for marginalized groups. The more distance we get from the 20th Century, perhaps the better we will be able to see skin color as equivalent to eye color in terms of "grouping" people.

And, yeah, labels can be a touchy subject. You mentioned that you wouldn't call an apple an orange. But, you'd still call it an apple. So, I'm curious. How do you label yourself?

 

Hi Ronald can you give us your definition of an "urban" woman.
Thanks

 

Didn't say it was a pipe dream at all, I'm saying that others' view of you is inescapable. I have white folks in my family tree, but I'm still black and I have no illusions about that.

 

Exactly.

 

Since when can anyone define who's 'colored' or not? The last time I checked, THAT was just a label that whites placed on blacks back in the 'colonial days' when things weren't as 'touchy-feely' as they are now with race relations in comparison...

besides, white is a color, just like any other color, such as blue, green, pink, yellow, burgundy.....



and, all of the respones from the men who disagree with ronaldl79 explain why he's right, but at the same time, all of those same responses also explain why he's wrong, so there is no one side to any of this.

 

An "urban" woman, IMO, is one who hasn't risen above the effects of the environment. This doesn't mean that she's "ghetto" in personality, but "urban" in thought -- e.g., her life surrounds everything rap/hip-hop, etc. Someone with a very limited view of life and people. Someone who views the outside as taboo, and who's boundaries are those of their own city limits. There are many examples.

I should note that I've met and known women in "urban" areas which are like myself: Not part of the "norm". They fit more of a "suburban" profile than an "urban" one. This of course excludes the "suburban wannabe urban" folks, if that makes any sense. LOL!

The women above are a better match for myself, as I could never see "eye-to-eye" with others in a relationship. We'd always clash, and as my ex did, blame me for my ideas, views, etc. The fact of the matter was, she was just a crazy broad, and I mean that from the bottom of my heart. You cannot do shit with a chick who's still suffering from the effects of her childhood, let alone trying to prove her "hoodness" by her life choices and decisions. I cannot deal with women like that.

 

I need to say though for someone who is so opposed of being labelled as a member of a certain race you are quite "generous" with your labelling of "urban" and "suburban". I think one can find intellectual, open minded people with a drive to learn and succeed in their life all across, in urban settings as well as little hick country villages. While your surroundings certainly shape you growing up they don't always define you as an adult. It's what you make of it. So you are not part of the "norm" hmmm ok, define norm and why aren't you part of it? Is anyone part of the norm? I doubt it.

 

Are you trying to give me a hard time? I cannot tell how many negative experiences I've had with "Black" women. I've tried to understand and be open-minded about them, but after my ex, I'm tired. I did everything a good and loyal man was supposed to do. She didn't appreciate shit, and made that known everytime she acted like a lying whore. I've always been attracted to a broad range of women, but in particular, I find myself less attracted to "black" women in general, unless she's really got her shit together, and I've seen women like that ... even recently.

It all comes down to a woman who's on my level. When I say I'm not part of the "norm", it means I don't follow what everyone else is doing. Few people even think the way I do when it comes to race, as an example. How many people do you know of that's denouncing race as a whole? Not many. There are many examples ... because I dislike everything that's mainstream ... it's like poison.

 

Hi there,
no not trying to give you a hard time, promised. Just allowing myself to question a post when I think it's worth questioning it.

 

Ronald, I posted to you over on the stereotype thread eariler.

I hate to tell you bro, you're black. That's who you are. Work with it and deal with it. I'm a mocha colored brother like you, probably lighter, but I'm black. That's that.

How can I put this...I KNOW why you say "urban". I get it. I lived in the urban city of Boston for 25 years. I lived right outside for 9, and I live now in suburbia for the last 4. I get it. You want a surburban white girl.

Unfortunately, suburban white girls are hard to get. They have only been exposed to black guys on the periphery and therefore they see what's on TV and what their parents told them, and what they saw in high school. They haven't been really EXPOSED.

So I know where you're going..but to not go with a girl from the city is a little closed minded. The girl I am interested in now is from the city (and a part of the city I was really uncomfortable to go to), yes a little "urban", really showed me a good time when we had a date. Changed my mind on some stereotypes (she is Italian) in her area. People are good everywhere, you just have to find it.

Ronald, you seem like a smart guy, and I hope you post more here. Just accept the fact that you're black. Okay? It's the content of the person not the skin color. You know that. If people can't see that, fuck them. Make people see though your face.

My mom always said to me, as she says to me to this very day, that black people ALWAYS have to work twice as hard as anyone else to get what they want. So keep to this mantra.

Peace out.

BT