Some BM Still Intimidated by WW

LOL maybe we could find flashing signs....or just tshirts that say that??

But you know...then we would be desperate.

 

Women have fragile self-esteems, it hurts to be rejected as a man but it kills to be rejected as a women.

I don't think women should do the asking out unless she's super picky. No one likes a beggar who's also choosy.

 

yah , that's just life .i'm just going to live and let things happen as they will.

 

I was burned like that in a correspondence with a young woman from the Philippines. She and I corresponed for nearly 7 months until she wrote me a letter stating that she was looking for someone who can take good care of her. She had be writing to other men besides me. It was nice when it happened.

 

Wow! That sucks. That's one program I'm not at all down with. I'm all for supporting the person I'm with, and even occasional help financially (should they happen to fall on hard times), but I'm not willing to have a kept woman and/or be her ATM. When I say this, I'm not really talking about stay home Moms, which I see nothing wrong with if they can afford to do so.

I'm more or less saying that I bring a certain level of stability to the table, and I think I have a right to look for the same or similar.

 

I didn't send her any money during that time. I did send her an angel pin. She loved it, according to one of her letters. But the costs of expression mailing letters to her added up to nearly $500.00. She moved around a lot in the Philippines and then she got an overseas job as a hostess in Tokyo, Japan. I had sent her a taped recording of my voice along with some music I like to give her an idea of whom she was writing to. I , to this day, still keep her picture in my wallet. During our correspondence, it seemed like were already married. I told her of daily life and job at the time(working at McDonald's as a maintenance man/cook). She didn't want to know about my job because I told her of the injuries I mostly get on the job. She wondered why I, who got an A.S.degree in Criminal Justice, am not working in a white collar job. It was a little amusing at first, and then awkward. I thought she'd be a little more patient with me, but I guess not. I told of this experience to a Filipina I met in a club, she told me that what she did wasn't right. But what could I say? Like all the young women I had asked out and been rejected by, they made a decision that they felt they could live with.

 

Yes, that is definitely not right (of the first young lady). I'm all for the give/take by both parties. I do consider myself to be generous, and some women I've dated also said such. However, whoever I'm with must bring something to the table too. Likewise, I totally expect women to feel the same way.

 

I'd actually be ok with a kept woman if she stayed in line.
If I take care of everything financially please no nagging or headaches.

 

I wouldn't have a problem with a kept woman either. She would still have to make progress with personal growth and be supportive in other ways and not just sit on the couch and watch friends or reality tv. Actually if she watches reality tv we probably shouldn't be together.

 

Their portrayal of "reality" can be very contrived.

Some of these 'Housewives/Baller's Wive's' shows or 'Bad Girls Clubs'... are so bad. Just awful.

 

What exactly is a kept woman, in your mind? When I was married, I didn't work outside the home and hubs brought home the paycheck, but I worked for that paycheck, too. I held down the home front so he had very little to do at home.

 

Well what you mean by hold down the home front?
To me kept woman is essentially a house wife or someone who works but doesn't have as much responsibility on their money because I take care of everything. All I ask in return is the self awareness to give me space when I need it and not to create bs problems where none exist

 

Lol

 

I hate tv in general but I lose a little respect when I hear that someone watches these shows lol. When someone is thoroughly in-the-know about celebrities, I start to wonder what's lacking in their real lives that they have the desire/time to be so engaged in the lives of people they'll never actually know.

I can't imagine you with a kept woman. You're not about princesses so outside of your wife staying home to raise little ones, I wonder if a full time kept woman would be able to maintain your interest intellectually. I have a shitload of respect for sahms, I've seen many of my friends do it and it's definitely not for everyone. I do think it's healthiest though, outside of those years raising kids, for women to work outside the home. I think women need to be able to contribute to every aspect of their marriage (intellectually, financially, etc). I'd never be happy as a kept woman, I need to be able to keep myself.

 

I'm sure you did. To me a kept woman is not at all the same as a stay at home Mom. A stay at home Mom, I have not problem with it as long as the couple can afford to do it. I actually like the idea as long as it's a mutually agreed upon decision.

Agreed. I'm not saying folks shouldn't know about celebrities/pop culture and such, but I don't get why a person would choose to follow the details of a person's life whom they don't know. If you tell something like... Jay Leno drives lots of high performance cars... You'll catch my interest because I like cars, but I have no desire to know the square footage of his home, his daily routine and so on. Probably why I see reality shows are shallow, and totally pointless.

 

Pretty much everything inside and outside the home. Things weren't just chores. I loved laundry day. Hung things out on the line. Cooked 99% of our meals and truly enjoyed it. I read cookbooks for fun. Sent leftovers with the hubs to work. His colleagues were jealous. Lol. I had a garden and did the yard work. Kept the vehicles clean inside and out and took them for maintenance. I was an avid stitcher back then and made a lot of the gifts we gave.

If I were able to be home now, I'd be in the kitchen a lot, not just cooking but making my own beauty and household products (maybe even blog about it). I'd have a garden again. I'd find that crafty side again and refinish and re-purpuse found objects, maybe even sell them. I would also volunteer. There are a number of organizations I looked into here and most either only have day time opportunities or want a very structured commitment. Or they're looking for child care, which is not one of my strengths.

 

all I am going to say Ches is that for my entire adult life I have done all of this and worked a fulltime job with the exception of being a stitcher. I am not knocking the stay at home mom but I think they have it made in the shade not having to work outside the home...I am more productive when I have 100 things on my to do list that need to be done...I could keep myself busy doing all kinds of things but I would miss the hustle/bustle of that thing called life...

 

I'm doing them as a full time working woman, too. But my tasks are chores now. I do laundry to get it done so I have clean clothes. I don't garden anymore. I cook to eat. There's little joy in it any more, largely because I'm cooking for one. I wouldn't miss the work rat race. I'd have more time for the things I truly enjoy. My life was a helluva lot more interesting and fun back then. But that life isn't for everyone. I was never the heels-and-briefcase kind of woman. I'd rather help my spouse build a business and perform the administrative functions than work for someone else.

As for missing life, well that's your opinion. I didn't miss out on anything. In fact, I feel like I'm living less of life now than I did then.

 

Wow....that's a rather skewed view of a woman who stays home. I would definitely agree that it's not for everyone. However, the idea that she would be a "princess", unable to maintain one's interest intellectually, or not contributing to every aspect of their marriage because she's not working outside the home is really insulting and highly inaccurate!

 

I don't know about "having it made in a shade". I think that often comes from the idea that the grass is always greener. I've done all the various forms of work and doing the stay at home thing was by far the most difficult and required much more of my self than any other job/profession. The exception to this would be working from home as a single mom.

For many, the level of support needed for the other partner to be highly successful in their career is a full time job+.

I think this is a bit of a skewed conversation because you are comparing being a single mom with a mom who is in a relationship and that's very different than comparing different life choices for those who are in relationship/marriages.