sexy women who date black guys and men who love them

oh and its not that i wouldnt go to a nude beach because im not comfortable naked, its that i only get naked around the guy im in a relationship with, im not a fan of mass random nudity and definatly dont need to see flesh swinging about

 

Hmmm, I guess you're right.

 

The way you guys are behaving is confusing how can I make sense of it?

I'll pass the beach idea. Branch will do. It is a two way sword. You guys are right the subject is too sensitive for too many. I'll enjoy the beach with my other friends. It's all right!

It is something I wanted to share with you that recently happened and I cannot come with any explanation just yet. Maybe the guys would understand the way of thinking and will be able to explain what the heack was all that all about.

A little while ago i start seeing this guy whom i knew vaguely for about 3 years.

Everything seemed right from the very beginning, but i was not into an exclusive relationship for quite some time and i couldn't commit to one right away, although my boy at the time wanted just that.

I insisted on seeing some other people until we are sure we are the right fit for each other and let the time decide and he was in full agreement with me.

Said and done. Although in theory i could have seen other guys when i like someone I get silly and stick around the house weather I admit it in front of my boyfriends or not.

He seemed to me more head over heals then me because he would not leave my side 24 /7 for nothing in the world unless i'll push him to leave. You know the type: You are my world, you are my everything!

One of the nights I was working, one of my friends came to visit and while she was waiting to get inside the building she watched my boy exchanging numbers with another lady.

She came and told me about it and although i wouldn't mind that at all, i have to admit it, i haven't seen it coming at all.

The next day my friend call to apologize for interfering in my relationship while i was with him and I told her there is no issue because we were not seeing each other exclusively and it was ok with me if he will see some other ladies.

I remember seeing the expression on his face getting cold, but I behaved just like before after I hang up the phone and I never asked for an explanation.

More surprising to me was the fact that he came up with tons of excuses any time we suppose to see each other ( thing that never happened before) and just about when I thought it was all over, he text me again and again making regular conversation and using the whole set of dear nicknames he used to before. And "miss you" pretty much ends every txt he sends.

I avoid seeing him because I still don't know what went wrong, i don't want to ask him either and most importantly, I would not know how to behave around him.

You guys think that you are always straight forward, but i've never been more confused in my life.

Can someone make any sense for me of what happened for me please?

 

Hey maddy...

I'm already apart of the group and have been for quite a while now. I haven't been out to any of the get togethers as of yet because i'm already with someone. It's a good idea though, there are quite a few nice women on the site.

 

Maddy- I dont know you, but I can tell you, what I think..´

The problem is that you are not honest to yourself.. you talk about checking out, if you fit together, each has the right to see other people.. everything is fine, no deep feelings involved.

This is a lie, you try to protect yourself. You don´t want to be hurt (again???), so you try to see everything distanced. You suppress your own emotions. It won´t work..you only show your friend with that behaviour that you don´t need him, what works first, because you give him something to hunt- but let´s be honest, it´s not very attractive for longer.

At the end you provoke that it will not work, because you don´t want that it works.. Sad, but true. I assume you have to decide, if you want to jump into the cold water and maybe you find some fun, or not, or to stand outside and to dream further on, what could have been..


BTW Robina- you know somebody- I only go to nude beaches, if I want to lie in the sun.:smt042

 

Who do i think i can trick? Perhaps myself?

:smt014

You are so absolutely right it's not even funny. Thanx for the input. Blunt and straight forward, but true to the core.

Indeed this is a auto protection strategy i developed a long time ago.
I haven't been in an exclusive relationship in a long time and when it happened to be in one I had a foot out the door from the very beginning and at the first sign that the relationship was heading to a slippery slope, everything was history no matter how in love i've been with the dude.

Of course I have plenty of reasons or excuses for my behaviour, which i have a feeling you guys are going to shred to pieces:smt022

The no one excuse is that I am working in an environment of severe customer service, where a smile have to be stick to our faces at all time. It's mandatory to keep the job. No one care of your own problems. We suppose to leave them at the door.

Unfortunately i am not a great actor. You can read it on my face when i am upset or sad. I can lose a boyfriend with no problem. I'll survive that, but I cannot lose my job along with him too. That will be a catastrophe.

If i'll allow myself to get involved to the point of being too vulnerable. It will be a matter of time until i get hurt.

I cannot put myself in that position. It's a risk i am not willing to take.

I want the relationship and the beautiful moments a relationship brings without the drama afterwards. Is that too much to ask?


Note: I don't always go to nude beaches, but like to tan without the bra stripes showing and naturally I prefer to be topless when i lay in the sun. NY people are very prude and if I want to wear a thong or go topless, then a nude beach is the only option where people don't stare at you or ruin your day with unpleasant comments. So I am all for nude places, people don't pay no mind to you which is great. The feeling i love the most: Peace of mind.

 

Where in NY are you from?

 

First of all Maddy, it was not my intention to be rude or cold, I am just honest and want that you understand me.
You wrote "It will be a matter of time until i get hurt"- that´s the point. You cannot see another possiblity- it has to end like that..

The older one gets the more scarves you have to carry with yourself. But, because we are older we can manage them mostly. I know several people, who trust their animals more and also love them more than human beings. For me, sometimes I think like that, too, sometimes I see humans and animals as the same. But behind stands the big disappointments you made in your life.

The question is, what can you do? I, solved the problem via open relationships- and when you know somebody better and you feel that you really can trust him.. then maybe go one step forward..

Just an advice, how I handle it:smt006

 

Ohhh... you killed a part of my heart today

Hi sweetie,

I was happy and sad reading your note.

I was happy because you are one of ours and sad I never get a chance to meet you and / or your girlfriend. I could never understand why people in relationships are somewhat reluctant in coming out.

As you'll probably know already, a good amount of the people in the group are part of serious interracial relationships. Few of them are even married.

If it will be a point you'll consider joining us, you will find out the people in the group are very cool responsible adults who have a lot of respect for each other and their relationships.

No matter if you will come out by yourself, with your girlfriend or just your girlfriend alone. Once i'll introduce you to them, everyone will know you are in a serious relationship and i can guarantee absolutely no one will hit on you or her, or be disrespectful in any way. Not under my watch. Ain't gonna happen.

My hope is that someday when i will have a significant other, i'll have both of you over for dinner and while the guys will watch the game and argue about Cobi Bryant, I'll show your girl the new purple skirt i got for a dime and maybe later on in life we'll take the kids to the park together.

It really hurts me when i have to remove people like you from the group because of their absence. It really does, because you guys are the icon of how I would like my friends to be.

Sadly, the quietness of members for long periods at the time when i have no clue what is the cause of it it translates into " I don't care about you guys", "I am not interested in any of the things you do or talk about".

It's my responsibility to sort true the people who have a real reason behind their absence and the ones who are just peeping over our shoulders, looking at our pictures, reading our thoughts, knowing when and where we'll be hanging out.

For security reasons I have no choice but removing members i don't know in person and i have no clue who they are for a long period of time.

It will be awesome if you'll find a way to keep in touch with us and don't leave me with no choice at the end. Nothing will happen to you or your relationship. You have my word.

I sincerely hope i will get to meet you one day because partners come in and out of our life all the time, but friendships last forever.

Kind regards to you and your lady! I wish you guys the best of luck!

M

 

Sunnyside - Queens

 

You handled it perfectly .

The open relationship concept is what I was trying with this boy hoping that one day we can move to the next step. I accept the fact i I failed once, but I am not giving up at this option. It is the one that make way more sense then other options i know. Plus the strength of a person is not measured by how many times they get knocked out, it is measured by how fast the stand up after they went down.

I'll keep you posted.

Have a wonderful afternoon!

 

I can't believe you can't find black guys to date

 

A date is easy to get, but how will i know if he is in only for the fun?

I never said I can't find black guys to date. That's piece of cake. Just walk in a bar with a cute miniskirt and you are leaving with someone if that's the intention.

To get a date with someone i know nothing about is the easiest thing to get around here. Against my better judgement I've done it before and the results were disappointing. It's like building a house with no foundation in place.

After going on a date date with someone I only have the most 3 dates or a little over a week until we sleep together and I have to decide weather I will be the mother of his kids or not.

Now how can I take that decision, when all I know about this man is what he tells me? How can I know right from wrong or true from false?

I dated a lot of black man who enjoyed tremendously dating or sleeping with a white women, but will never merry one or bring it home for the family dinner.

At the time i didn't mind because I was nowhere ready to be serious about anyone, but now times changes and so did I.

I need time to build a history of some sort before i'll commit to anyone and i certainly want to know if we have anything in common before I go on a date with them.

Remember I am coming from a culture where people do not get divorce when things get rocky so it's mandatory for me to make my due diligence before not after I start getting serious about anybody.

Cheers

 

I´ve understood that you mentioned an open relationship, but the problem is that you really have to be convinced of. The thought that he sleeps with another woman may not hurt or touch you in any way and nevertheless you should not stand in your own way to look at him neutral. No reproach, only understanding and maybe love you should feel, believe me that is the hardest point at it. But if you are once over that jealousy- live can be very easy and your mind is free..

Open relationships can only work, if you have the same wish and if you live and have fun to be with other men, too. It needs not to be every week or month, but if you like somebody- you are not bound at any promise

 

Can marriage be possible when in an open relationship?

Crissy,

How does this open relationship really works, because I don't fully understand the technicality of it.

When in an open relationship, do you have to know when your partner is going out or sleeping with someone else?

Is the relationship of each partner limited to one night sex and fun when it comes to see other people or they can see someone else for more then once?

Do you have to let him know when you are planning going out with another men?
Do you have to ask for his permission in case he has something in mind for the two of youfor the evening or you make the decision regardless of what he wants and find an excuse considering that " what is not known it doesn't hurt"?

I guess that what i am really trying to find out by asking these questions is how do you establish trust and keep your relationship on solid grounds.

I kind of want to merry someone at one point in my life. Can such a relationship lead to a family lifestyle down the line considering there will be pregnancy coming along and the physical appearance as a women is going to change?

There are tons of question i have about this subject that crossed my mind several times before, but I never chance to ask the anyone who really was involved in one.

It would be great to get some real answers, but please don't feel obligated to answer if my questions are uncomfortable.

Thank you

 

What's your background?

 

Romanian.

What's yours?

 

Jamaican. How long have you been here?

 

Thanks Maddy,

But it's not necessarilly the idea of the temptation of other women, but moreso our limited quality time together due to our busy schedules during the week. Normally she and I can meet up a few times briefly in the evenings during the weekdays and we generally leave the weekends for the two of us to whatever it is that we planned in advance. I haven't brought up the possibility of meeting up with the group with the two of us--well because it really hasn't crossed my mind.

 

In general, Maddy, I cannot imagine that there are many rules, how you have to lead an open relationship. It is a "corporation between you people" and I don´t think that anything is right or wrong, however you decide it together and as long as you like it as it is.

It was never planned by me to have one, it just came. There was a time, after my divorce, when I rejected every man, because I simply didn´t want to have any relationship. But there was this one person, he didn´t give up, he kept contact, but not in a annoying way, he was just there for me. That he is a funny and very sexy person, made everything easier of course. We started an affair, but an affair should normally be finished after several months, but it didn´t. In contrary, we build a big trust between us, started to work together and sometimes I am worrying to make something wrong, because I hold his whole life in my hands. A few years ago, he started with the idea to marry, but I could see that he still needed time. He is a man, who loves life and who loves women. And I also didn´t want to be in a marriage again. We knows us now six years.

A few years later I met another man, who was that same stubborn. He also didn´t give up, but his character is totally different. He is very serious, everybody respects him very much.He is the type of man, who holds a woman with a soft and nevertheless with an iron hand. He came close and closer..Last time, when we met, he also came up with the idea to live together and to marry, but he came with all papers and built a house in the last years for us, what I didn´t know. He listened the whole time what I like and there it stands now- my dream.We know us since 3,5 years.

Both men know from each other, but they don´t know each other personally.

I was writing you my story, because of your question of building of trust and solid ground.

I don´t live with one of them. We have fix times, when we see us and have regularly contact by phone. I don´t ask one of them, if I can see the other one or someone else. It´s my decision. I also don´t ask them, if they sleep with someone else. We had that discussion at the beginning of our relationship.

It is difficult to explain..but I don´t make my feelings for these men depending on their sexual loyality. I love them for being as they are, their character, their attitudes, their trust.

I don´t care, if they are with someone else, I know they love me and whenever I would need them, they would leave everything behind to help me.