Romancing the single mom, ……just how much can we have with her.

My Dad tried to do this with my first stepmother. My mom was very involved in parenting me, and my stepmom never tried to act like a parent, I think out of respect, but it went very wrong. It was like there was this extra person in the household, someone I didn't feel like I had a bond with at all. This was from, like 11 - 18.

Of course, there are other factors, and truth be told, I never really liked her at all. But I'm just saying, in my experience, when someone tries to "not parent" when in a relationship with a parent, it can go badly..

Happily, I adore his current wife. :smile:

 

I absolutely agree with you books. However, anyone with kids in tow - come on....it's much more difficult. My carrying in some things on my own with no one else to be aware of is not a big deal. With 2 little ones to be watching at the same time is a much different experience. Living on your own with children (with NO day to day help) is very different than living on your own without children.

You know as well as anyone, becoming and being a parent shifts everything in your life. It is not the same as being a single person without the concerns of a child(ren). Certainly for some being a parent has made them a better person, for others not so much.

I don't think there is anything wrong with someone saying that they appreciate the qualities that many have gained by being a parent. This thread is about single moms...that doesn't mean that single dads or other single people are in some way inferior to single moms. It's simply that the discussion is about single moms.

 

Ive always been open to dating women with children. My mother was a single parent and I would have loved a father figure around which makes it hard for me to avoid women with children.

 

My point is that this thread was about the traits that single moms look for in potential partners. Not about how many things single moms can juggle at once. We've shifted from the traits we want in a partner to patting ourselves on the back for being single moms. Eh, I don't see much of a difference between being a single mom and being part of a marriage - I did everything anyway....

I can even argue that two parent households have just as many things to juggle. When children are involved...it's a whole different scenario - as a single parent or otherwise.

This thread isn't about how single moms are good multi-taskers and how much they can handle. This is about traits we want in a potential mate.

 

Now thats a stand-up guy !...It is evident to see why the women love you!
It took my mom and my grand mother to raise me too.....can you imaging what would have happened if these women did'nt hang in there.....you gotta love single moms !

 

Ok fair enough Books. Regardless - I think the things that we mentioned are important things that some of us would like men of interest to be aware of. It's not so much patting anyone on the back...it's simply stating - this is how it is for many of us and it's a good idea to realize that coming in.

You bring up a good point. I wouldn't be interested in being with a man where it was a situation where I would be doing it all on my own anyway. I'm interested in a true partnership, or I would rather be alone. My guess is that is part of the reason you are not married any longer. So what would you want in a relationship now?

I personally think there is something really great about a man who is able to tune in and see what's wanted and needed and that he does those things.

ETA - The OP has now come in and added in positives about single moms...I think it might be ok to do a bit of patting on the back.

 

I had a similar experience with my dad's wife. It has been a distant sortof awkward relationship. It makes it tougher now too because they are my kids grandparents. So while she came into my life when I was 16-17 and I didn't see her as my "mom", she's been there through my children's lives and they know her as their grandma. I think it would have been really helpful for us to establish a strong bond early on.

This makes me think of when I've heard people talk about how well the person they are going out with has grown children so it's much different. It IS different. But it's also important to establish a strong relationship with those children if one is to become seriously involved.

I know it's though though. I know my 20 year old son and 17 year old daughter would have NO interest in a man coming in and trying to be a father type. But I do think a man would do well to try to build a strong friendship with them.

I think too sometimes we as single parents can be rather protective of our children and try to compartmentalize things a bit too much maybe. Of course we don't want to bring someone into our children's lives prematurely and we want to protect their bond with their father....but once we are at the point of wanting to get seriously involved with someone, it's important to help build the bond between our children and the new adult in our lives.

 

Thx ..

The only stipulation with dating mothers is they need to have their sh1t together alot more than other women. Mainly because of the kids. I dont want to spend time with a woman and get to know the kids only to later have to deal with the inevitable fact that shes not marriage material.

Thats no good for anyone

 

Very true! Kudos to you, Max.

 

I absolutely agree. There is definitely a difference when it comes to single parents and their needs vs single people. And for a man who is not a parent to recognize those differences early on is a definite plus! Just as I would hope a childless woman who gets involved with a single dad would know the differences as well.

I am definitely interested in entering into a partnership with a good man. And yes, that is part of the reason, albeit a small part, that I'm not married to her father any longer.

Absolutely co-sign to this!!

I pat myself on the back every day for being a good person and for striving to be the best parent I can possibly be that day...and striving to improve myself the next, and not beating myself up for making a mistake or two on any given day. Because I know that I can improve the next day. :smt023

 

communication is key when dating anyone...no two mothers raising children are going to be exactly alike and one should never assume that what worked with one will work for the other...there are so many factors involved that i don't feel that anyone can cookie cutter out a guide to dating the single mother...the best thing to do is listen...ask questions...find out if there are any specific expectations in dating a particular single mother...my son obviously comes first but he is going into high school next year...he is old enough to be home alone without a babysitter...he spends time with friends...he plans to get a summer job...he will go by himself to visit his grandparents...he stays with his dad when i travel...i am a different single mom than i was when he was a baby..toddler...etc...his needs have changed over the years...there was a time when i didn't date because i just didn't have the time and i didn't want to make time...i am now at a point in my life where i am looking ahead to being single single again in just a few years and the prospect of being able to live where ever i want...go...do...and see anything/everything on a whim delights me to no end...i do not fear the empty nest but instead embrace its possibilities...i don't expect the teen high school years to be a breeze but i think we are on the right track:smt024

 

I have to give mad props to the single moms in here.

I've noticed something since I began dating black men three years ago. There have been several men who ask on the first date, "So, do you have any children?"

I tell them "no" and they reply "oh, good!" I then ask them if they have any children, and most of them do! WTF is that shit? They're overjoyed that I don't have children, but I'm supposed to think the fact that they have 3 kids by 2 baby mommas is just dandy?!

 

Some people with kids are like that. I work with a woman who is that way. She has a daughter, but doesn't want to date a guy with any children because she doesn't want his focus to go towards his own kids....

What an unbelievable double standard.

 

Ahahahahaha

 

Bless both of you & your thinking.

 

Thank goodness for moms or there'd be a zillion orphans in the world. Sad but true.
Can you imagine the opinion formed of a mother with children from different fathers yet so many men have children with a variety of women. It's a terrible attitude.

My question CSBean is how many of those men have anything to do with their offspring?

My Mom was a single mother with two children from one man and she really struggled. He just took off and reproduced elsewhere, took off again and just keeps doing that. It's tragic. The bonus is that I have siblings but they too are with single mothers.

I met a woman here who laid it on the line for me. She said honey, you north americans have it all wrong wanting your men to stay with you and raise your children. Girl, just find a good man, have your children and get him out. No fuss, no bother. LOL! She was fascinating. Who knows, maybe that's what I'll end up doing ahahahahaha.

 

Props to Archman (again) for hitting at the heart of a quality demographic of women on this thread. First the cooking thread, now this one. If I were single, you'd be my fiercest competitor.

One thing I have noticed over the years: Some of the most attractive, intelligent and nurturing women out there who make the best candidates for wives are not to be found in bars, clubs and gyms. Most men seeking women will not see them if they don't work at it because they are usually in the grocery store, at a soccer game or PTA meeting - or at home eating microwave popcorn while watching the Disney Channel with their lucky kids. In other words, it is usually a woman like the ones who have posted here. Beautiful ladies that have kids and for one reason or another found themselves in a situation as a single parent. Their children are the priority n their lives above all else, but they have not forgotten how to be lovers. This is the quality fruit that any smart man would pluck from the vine with great pleasure.

 

That is so sweet Sir Nose..

 

I totally agree with what all you ladies are saying!!! I don't think it can be stressed enough that our "alone" time is PRECIOUS to us!! It's so rare to actually have spare time in our days because I know in my life personally my time is scheduled down to the second. So when a guy wants to spend some time with you when you do have the time honesty is the best policy! If they're just looking to have fun, that's cool, just let us know so that we don't waste a whole night getting to the point lol. Another thing....please don't think that just because we're a single mom we're an easily lay and desperate because this isn't always true! lol

 

Too bad there aren't more men like you who happen to be single. Your wife is a very lucky woman indeed. :smt023