Rejection

I believe that you and a few others said something about my looks in another thread before and I told you that they've never gotten me anywhere but that I appreciated your compliments all same.

I can take a compliment just as well as the next person. I meant it in a "lot of good they've done me" type of way. As for the way that I carry myself...I think I carry myself well. If I (or anyone that I know for that matter) had to say anything negative about me, it would probably be that I don't always come off as an exciting person, and like Cindi Lauper said, "girls just wanna have fun".

In high school this was definitely the case. I was terribly shy around girls that I liked. Shyness can ruin a man's life. That's why Bhavabhuti called it a "fatal virtue" that men should avoid. It's so harmless and yet so destructive.

I believe that more women have ignored me because I came across as too nice than because I came across as some angry and embittered virgin. Either way, I think it's difficult to credit a person's romantic failures to one trait. Some people are really shy and they do just fine. Some people have chips on their shoulders and they do just fine.

I'm not really into the ESP stuff but if you mean a negative attitude, I'd have to disagree because it's contrary to what people who actually know me have said. I remember when I was in 8th grade and one of my popular friends told me that "this girl said you smile too much". And that comment is consistent with how I am now because at my last job there was a girl and on her first day she said "You're either a really happy person or you're up to something". :mrgreen:

Your call.

If you're an attractive female. Having a vagina is already like half the appeal for most guys. Male attractiveness is different. If a female is hot, socially speaking, she can't really be considered a loser. A man can be attractive and still be considered a loser, hence the classic ugly jock/pretty cheerleader combo.

 

Very nice assesment in your last paragraph DJ. I've said it before a woman"s social standing is 75 percent looks and 25 percent pedigree(meaning where they live and what they drive and what their man does) as for men it has a lot less to do with looks and a lot more to with wealth and how confident they are. Which is why its extremely common to see a hot woman with a wealthy man but seldom do you see it the other way. Men and women simply love differently.

 

No, she's right, that's not just for women. Anyone who thinks looks really don't matter for a guy is probably not ugly enough to have really paid attention.

Is it exactly the same impact for men as for women? Nope, and there's lots of reasons for that, but ultimately that's irrelevant. If being a physically attractive man doesn't seem to you to have quite the social impact that being a physically attractive woman does for others? Well, shit ... I could just say, "Life isn't fair," or I could suggest that studying issues of sexuality and gender and becoming an activist in those areas might give you some sense of satisfaction.

Either way, doesn't change that it's still better to be good looking than ugly, whether you're male or female. Come on, that's really just obvious. Okay, a woman is going to date a guy -- she'd probably rather he's funny instead of boring, smart instead of dumb, rich/successful instead of poor/unsuccesful, kind instead of mean ... and yeah, physically pleasing to look at, as opposed to unappealing or hideous.

If you're not really ugly, be honest with yourself -- aren't you glad you're not uglier? Even if you think your looks could or should matter more -- aren't you glad people don't flinch and wretch when they look directly at you?

Good looks are a bit of a foot in the door, even if you're a guy. It's better than being ugly. So yeah, if you look good, it's one of those other areas or something, where you're not seeming very impressive.

 

I LOVE IT! LOL!

Great post Cyrus....

 

On the other hand, a lot of women are like that and the result is that guys become more and more shy or fearful of approaching females for fear of rejection.

 

Thanks ... glad it made sense to someone besides me.

 

Oh I understand. Me being a woman, I fear being rejected as well....

Definitely!


I'm glad I was understood as well....

 

Women rarely have to deal with rejection the way guys do.

 

It still sucks to be rejected PERIOD....

 

I wouldn't know. I'm just that fly lol

 

LOL...

Hold it now!

 

this is why women usually dont approach guys often

have you ever seen the look on a pretty girl's face, when she tries to be friendly and you shut her down?

i've had one say 'im not that ugly am i,' after she tried talking to me at work.


I was busy after all :smt109

 

I honestly wouldn't say I 'fear' being rejected. To be quite honest, the brutality of rejection is what it does to ones ego. The feeling of not being good enough or adequate enough for the other person. The last time I was rejected, which was relatively recently, I didn't walk away from it down on myself. I walked away from it wanting to tell her that she's an idiot for letting go of such a once in a lifetime opportunity. This was furthered by her roomie, who I am close friends with, telling me that she thinks the girl is such an idiot for the decision she made.

One thing we'd all do well to remember is that a persons thoughts, opinion or judgement on you should not be considered a reflection on us, rather a reflection of the other person. For example... if you take any girl and ask 3 different men to rank her on a scale of 1 - 10, one man may say she's a 7, another man may say a 5, and another man may say a 10. Which man is right? None. They are all passing judgement based on their own preferences. In fact, the only rating that matters is the one we give ourself.

Once we come to realize this, we realize that being rejected by others is quite trivial.

I don't fear being rejected, I fear being alone.

 

This reminds me of what my mom told me:
"son know where you stand in life, be it academics, power, money, looks, faith, height, weight, athletics, anything. Know your strength and weakness. Once you know where you stand in life then be confident in what you got going and strive to make the best out of it. Remeber son, I said confident yet humble NOT arrogant. The rest is history. Whatever else the world think of you dont matter, the only opinion that should matter is yourself and the ones' who love you dearly. Fuck the world and the rest of nasayers"

Having said that, I dont fear rejection or being alone. I fear not being biologically significant,,,,, I also dont want to have a kid by any female who is sucking a loli pop and hanging at the bus stop, as I do not want to participate in any baby mama drama.

 

I'm just kidding but I don't really care about rejection at this point. I can only feel rejected if I feel like I'm missing out and no one can make you feel that way only you can. Like I said before women can only reject my offer they can't reject me because more often than not getting to know me usually means you'll like me.

 

That's a really good way of looking at it, andrae. That's very true- generally people will reject someone initially because they don't give them a chance.

 

No, I haven't....lol

Great post!

Mama knows best!

That's good that you're confident in yourself...

 

In all seriousness, who needs to fear rejection, when you have a lifetime supply of chloroform.

 

True.

 

I hope you are too IB. You have a lot to offer beautiful.
Like my mom says no one should be a bigger fan of you than you because you're the only one who has to live with yourself.