Rejection

I'm not a very emotional person. I think a lot of it has to do with the fact that I grew up with a lot of males in my life. When I'm rejected by a guy I just pick myself up and move on to the next.

 

I'm not gonna fake... rejection in any way, shape, or form from any person whether they matter to me or not is just not a feeling I care for. And sure, most of that is because I am an overthinker and probably more sensitive than I need to be. (wow, how is that for honesty) hahaha

But when it comes to rejection in the dating world, it's a blower. And the worse part about it is, a lot of times it isn't based on anything specific about me or the situation I am in with the woman. It's primarily based on timing. You know for anything to click there have to be a lot things in place. And a lot of those things you have no control of. The classic is meeting someone and hitting it off with personalities and communication buuuut... little dumb stuff blocks furtherment. Maybe she recently got out of a relationship and isn't ready to interact too heavily with someone new. Or even worse, she recently started dating someone who she "doesn't think will work out in the long run" but still is putting her energy and efforts into that new-current person.

And for the record, I really don't understand that last one. If I am seeing a chic and my comments to friends, and even strangers, is "I don't think this is going to last much longer"... why would I block my ownself from meeting someone much better? I mean has cynicism in the world gotten so bad that people say to themselves, "well sh!t, the next person is going to suck too so I might as well just stick it out with this one for as long as the ride goes." Sheesh...

 

Men are much better at handling rejection because they experience rejection, in the dating game, far more than women. At a club, a man may get rejected twenty times before actually getting a number. When he calls the number, if it's not fake, the girl might not even pick up or return his voice mail messages.

 

Like someone mentioned. It depends on the person.

But for me personally, I always feel at least a little hurt. Sometimes I show it a little more than other times. Sometimes I get over it faster than other times.

 

Interesting. The renowned chess player Bobby Fischer said that American women are "very conceited" and that women in Europe are "more pleasant". Having never been to Europe I couldn't really say, but I think that American women in general (not just white women) can be pretty harsh. They seem to have an unnecessary level of distrust/paranoia and hatred when it comes to males, which makes them cliquish and evasive.

When I was at the club last week some girls asked me who I was at the club with and I told them that I was there by myself. They said that they wished they had the guts to do that. I was thinking "what's gutsy about going to a club by myself?!!". But then again, I don't have an exaggerated sense of importance. I don't think every girl is going to stalk me, I don't think every girl is out to burn me. Women have to start viewing an approaching guy as an opportunity for friendship instead of always viewing an approaching guy as a creep, and they have to start treating a conversation like a conversation instead of a job interview.

 

Not again with the anti-American woman bullshit....smh

I know for me, it's not about having a sense of importance at all, it's about being smart and safe. A woman going to a club alone, is open for things to happen. Sometimes she can have fun and leave unscathed. Then on the flip-side, she's out at night, late and alone. She's susceptible to weirdos, drunken men and who knows what else. I think if I remember going to a club alone at all, I met up with people I knew. I wouldn't go into a club alone - blindly. I've had shit happen to me from disrespectful assholes and I was with my girls. Imagine had I gone alone.

BTW, not every woman is a conceited stuck up bitch who's incapable of starting a conversation with a random dude. Lastly, the job interview can go both ways...

 

preach on chica

 

Thanx

 

It depends on the rejection. If its someone I just met then I could care less since they were a stranger and I probably just wanted sex only so no big deal. When it comes to someone I like a lot and we've been dating for awhile and they decide to cut me loose then it stings a little more because its more personal. It feels like they rejected everything about me not just feeling that we're physically compatible.


I think women take short term initial rejection a lot harder since they don't spend the majority of their formative years chasing their mates like men do. So they're not conditioned for it, but anything long term I think its pretty even.
But it also depends where you are in your life too.

 

Its not anti American if there's some truth to it IB. Like if someone said generally most New Yorkers were standoffish and kept to themselves ie rude at first I'd be offended because I'm not that way but if I had to be honest I can easily see how someone who wasn't from here could come to that conclusion.
Again I think most of the women on here believe just because you're not stuck up and bitchy it means that most girls aren't either. You know how many times I've been out and women completely ignore dudes just saying hello to them. Even if you're not interested saying hello is just basic manners.

 

Well, like Karma/Espy and everyone else used to say, the some, not all clause is needed here in both situations....

I also think that just cause we're not that way, a lot of us have friends and family members who aren't either.

Your experience isn't the greatest attest to my former sentence anyway. You always run into women who give us a bad name...lol

 

Its kinda funny cause, I wrote a facebook status update today about rejection. Rejection is inevitable, when a person can acknowledge that its apart (a shitty one at that) of life. Then everything else should be smooth sailing. Your confidence and self esteem will go up exponentially. You can only have low self esteem when you have something to fear. If you understand that you will win some and lose some, then you've overcome one of the biggest fears people face, rejection. As social animals we all (for the most part) want to feel needed and like we belong to something. Guys/girls get over rejection at the same rate (some quickly, some slow etc etc).

Me personally, it just depends on how long I knew the person and a shitload of other factors. Ive gotten over some gfs in a day, others a week. Nothing longer than a month though.

 

That's understandable but a lot of women seem to do things that are not in agreement with what you say. For example, if I was really concerned that there were violent weirdos lurking out there I wouldn't do things like...totally ignore somebody who smiles and says hello. A lot of women seem to be paranoid in that they think every guy wants them but at the same time they tend to put a lot of faith in our sense of chivalry. They're willing to try guys in many cases.

One time I was walking through the club and some girls were about to take a group picture and I didn't see them. I accidentally walked into the flash and one of them yelled "You fuckin' asshole!". I kind of just...looked back and gave her a dirty look but kept going. In that case her faith in my self restraint was well founded. If it were a group of guys I highly doubt they would have been as rude, probably because most guys already know that a guy usually won't hesitate to physically clarify himself in a male-male conflict. Not every guy is the same though - earlier this year a girl swung at my brother and thought he wouldn't defend himself - she was wrong. I've rambled, but in short, I don't think a need for safety excuses rudeness and antisocial behavior.

Over one million American women get stalked every year and eight out of ten of these stalkings becomes violent. The culprit is usually an ex-boyfriend, ex-husband, or intimate partner. So I think a lot of the worries of women are a result of them projecting their own issues with men onto the whole male population. If you are being stalked and you look over your shoulder it will most likely be one of your exes, not me.

I know that not all are, but most are from my experiences.

If you say so. Everyone is entitled to their own opinions.

 

I'd have to agree with Shiprek,usually the "Law of Averages" was on my side.Not every woman/man you approach will be interested in you.
Sometimes you just have to suck it up,Kick rocks & keep on Pushin :smt034:smt102LOL.

 

Something just occured to me. I've rarely if ever been rejected. I've had offers that might have been rejected but that doesn't mean then rejected me because they don't know me. In fact they met ny representative and didn't like that dude. I've never known anyone to know me and not love me and I'm sure the same can be said fothe rest of you.

 

Well, I'll start off from the bolded part. Well, that's from YOUR experience so it's no wonder that's how you view women collectively.

With that said, I agree with you - that being rude can egg someone on to want to be disrespectful, but for me, I've been respectable and still got violated, so it didn't matter. I've also been followed home a few times back in the day by dudes who saw me in my car and hadn't spoken to me to know if I was rude or not. I can't agree with that logic. Although like you, I'm speaking from my vantage point. There are women who think they're Gods gift and think all men want them, but not every woman has that warped sense of reality. They could also be putting out a mean vibe so they won't be fucked with. I've done this a lot too cause of my negative experiences. You never know what someones motive is and this can go for both men and women.

I agree somewhat about the stalking thing, but if you read the part about where I got followed home, not stalking in that sense, but still along those lines, and they didn't know me from a hole in the head.

I think you're walking around with a bitter chip on your shoulder. I say this, cause I've seen your pic and you're attractive. You shouldn't be coming across these women in droves. I don't buy that. I think there's some vibe you're putting out OR you're looking for a certain reaction and you're not getting it.

We're entitled to our opinions and we're sharing them too.

 

When I think about it, 90% of my rejections are because the ladies I encounter are already in relationships. So its alright. Though that doesn't stop some of those ladies from hooking up with me lol ha. I handle the other 10% percent pretty good. Its all about the reasons why I am rejected though. If it was because of my ethnicity or heritage, then I would be a little angry. But if a woman didn't like my personality or didn't find me sexually attractive. Its cool, no sweat

 

Now that's NY swag for ya

 

I'm sorry to hear that.

OK.

There are also men who think they're a gift to all women but the reasons behind the arrogance are a bit different.

So true.

There are exceptions to every norm and hopefully you won't have to experience that again.

Maybe so, but I also like to think that I analyze things as logically as possible.

:smt015 When people say that I'm attractive I usually find it patronizing. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder but proportion has a lot to do with what most people consider to be attractive. So, even though we can't say what's beautiful we can say what is proportionate. Judging myself in terms of facial proportion and what not I would have to agree that I'm not ugly. But at the same time I don't consider myself attractive to the point that women hurdle over the barriers they've put up in order to get a better look. I still have to work for their attention.

Are you implying that I'm entitled to their attention because I'm attractive?

I'm not going to say you're wrong because I'm quite clueless myself. If I was ugly, or fat, or a bum then it would be simpler. I'd rather not hijack this thread and make it my psychological profile though.

A certain reaction? Receptive smiles are nice.

 

Thank you for the nice sentiments...

Yes, conceited people come in both sexes, but in particular, we were discussing women....

I can't tell you how to feel, but having someone compliment your looks and feel like they're patronizing you is definitely a new one for me. That is not my intention. Yes, looks can be subjective and everyone finds different things attractive. And yes, proportionately, there are people who in general are across the board attractive. I think with you, it has to do with how you carry yourself. If you're negating things with me, I could only imagine how you come across to women offline. Maybe you lack confidence or like I said, you have a chip on your shoulder. As we all know, others can sense if you have a negative aura. With that said, I won't ever say anything about your looks again.

C'mon now - it's not about entitlement. Everyone knows when you're attractive (not trying to get into semantics with you, but I'll use your logic and say facially proportionate) things tend to be easier.

I've offered some suggestions about what you've shared, so hence why this was about you.