Random Conversation

The thirst! I love you HEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!

 

Giggle, HEEEELLLLLLLL!!!!
:smt051

 

To be honest, I think they've probably just been on the site for ages and got fed up of sending out individual messages. You'd think they'd try and make it a good one though since they only have to write it out once, lol.

I checked in on my PoF account and as I'm sure anyone who's used it will know, as soon as you login you get a few messages because it says who's most recently online or something. Ding! Message in my inbox with the subject of "you're beautiful!" I don't have pics up(I haven't given it a proper try to be honest, I'm a bit wary of meeting people that way, not helped by the sketchy people who send messages on there), could be the elephant man, but your man obviously has found a line that works and isn't paying attention to silly things like actual appearance(or lack of), lol.

As for why there's hot women on it/on it for a long time...have you not seen that thread on here where people listed what they're looking for!? xD A lot of people are reallyyyyy specific about what they want(probably from having learnt what they don't want) and that's fair enough, but I always look at lists like that and wonder how long it'd take to find someone so exactly like it. Or maybe they just have interests that make meeting like-minded people offline hard(can't really think of any, but I dunno, like if you were really into jigsaws and wanted to meet someone who was too, it'd be hard I think).

 

what the fuck:smt043

 

This post I like. And let's not forget its purely a numbers and luck game. Chances are if you take the time to write a highly individualized greeting it might never get read because of the sheer volume of messages these women get. Like Trix said there's times where she got 60. What are the chances most women are going to really get to the 4ith one and really want to read the message. So I'm with writing that's just enough to get someone interested enough to look at my profile and then go from their. Good post xbox.

 

I agree with both posts. ^

Fuck me, when you meet someone in person, you don't break down a whole spiel of why you want to talk to them. You get straight to the point. Thing is, online messages and face-to-face contact tends to be taken differently for various reasons.

I get it, you don't want generic "Hey baby, you're cute. We should hang out sometime." I get it.

Its that when a guy you've never met before approaches you in person. He really isn't going to go through a paragraph of wording to explain why you caught his eye and why he's chatting you up. He'll keep it brief with maybe 3 sentences at most.

But hey, everyone is different. That's fine. You don't want to feel like a statistic that has become a success story.

 

Exactly. And I was always under the oppression that it wasn't the words being said but who says it that matters most. Like I mentioned before there's no string of magical words that will make a woman interested its based on what you look like and the content of your profile. As long as someone isn't straight up rude I don't get what the problem is.

 

Hey, women get to be "choosey", they're the the ones who make the final decision in the mutual agreement.

I don't mind, it's all part of the process. We pursue and they decline or reject. There is an exception to that rule but in general that is the case.

I'm not a fan of online dating. The only benefit is that you can get a somewhat detailed look at a person's interest and current state of lifestyle, which is great but makes the competition a bit more picky in declining things they would have otherwise considered compromising later.

The main clicker is going to be mutual attraction based on appearance, then the ability of the other person showing that they are rather competent, reasonably intelligent in their choice of words, maintaining a decent lifestyle and maybe a few similar interest. < Those properties in no specific order proceeding appearance.

 

I agree with you I just don't get this need to feel special from the first message. Seems like a lot people put road blocks up to their own happiness or are just to lazy to make equal effort. I appreciate the position women are in when choosing a guy I just wish they would have an appreciation for the position men are in sometimes. I know its wishful thinking but I guess im a dreamer lol.

 

But if he walks up out of the blue and says "Hey baby, you're cute. We should hang out sometime" he's not likely to get a good response either. Approaching someone online is different in some ways and not different in others.

When you approach a woman in real life, you've taken notice of something, and generally use that as an opener, yes? When your approach is totally generic, you're likely to get eyerolling as a response, as you're being seen as a PUA. You try to be clever, or charming, or ask about her dog, or whatever - but "Hey baby, if I told you you have a beautiful body would you hold it against me?" is not likely to get you anything but laughed at or ignored.

I think all I'm saying is the guy who catches my attention has related to me as a person as best he can, rather than to me as a generic female.

 

Do we have a problem, Petty?

 

It's not a need, DK. Conversation came around to what catches a woman's attention when guys approach online, and we've just been telling you how it's worked for us.

I do have an appreciation for the position you're in, and I appreciate a man who takes 30 seconds to read my profile and respond to me as a person. I'm not looking for him to write a book, just let me know I'm not the 40th identical email he's sent out that night, and to show me some sort of personality beyond pick up lines and lame approaches. When a man shows me a flash of charm or his personality, I let him know that's appreciated.

In return, I also try to do that if I'm the one making the approach online or off.

 

I can see how that works on the street but online most women go through dozens of profiles daily. So there's really nothing I'm going to say that's going to stand out. What will standout is the way I look and what's on my profile hopefully. Like I said in this post feminist era it would be nice if more women would do some of the heavy lifting or just admit that with more volume of guys approaching you you're going to be far more pickier so it truly is just a numbers game.

 

I know.

 

What I'm telling you is that you *can* stand out. You've got a good sense of humour, you can be very charming when you've a mind to, and there's no reason that if you're intrigued by a woman you can't show that in 3 sentences. Turn the charm on just like you would in real life, and you'll stand out.

I try to convey something of who I am when I'm the one approaching, in part because if a guy doesnt get my sense of humour we're unlikely to click - if he responds and has clearly "gotten" some quip or other I've written, I know he's probably not an idiot and has a good sense of humour.

 

Co-sign

A guy doesn't have to have a stupendous first message to get my attention. But if he's read my profile and mentions something from it, that will go a long way with me. For instance, I like smooth jazz. If he is a fan as well, he might mention "I see you like smooth jazz - my favorite artist is Chuck Loeb. Who do you like?" That tells me we have something in common & it's a good way to open the conversation. (And hopefully, he really does like it and didn't just Google "smooth jazz" and pick an artist at random.)

 

I will co-sign FG's post too.

When I was on a dating site Dark Knight, I ignored the flirts from guys who did not take the time to write a little something about themselves for me to see if we would be of any match. For me if he writes a few simple sentences to let me what kind of guy he sees himself as, helps.

All that I needed to see was something as simple as this: "I am not here for games or to play with anyones heart, I am here to find my ultimate match and someone to love and spend the rest of my life with. I am looking for a long term relationship. " and then a little more about what he likes to do for hobbies and free time, if he has children etc.....

If he was into a whole bunch of stuff I am not interested in or I would never want to do then I wouldn't waste his time by flirting back or emailing him.

That to me is why it is important to write a little something about yourself.... I am pretty sure that guys passed on my profile because I was in to things they were not.... Goes both ways...

 

Uh, I wouldn't even read a message unless it had substance. I ignored every single other message. So, I'd be the one clicking through all 60 until I found one like that. If no one bothered, I wouldn't bother to respond. The ones I generally responded to, the guys wrote at least a paragraph, or they wrote something shorter that really nailed something and showed they read my profile, and were making the effort to connect. If I wrote someone? I practiced the same.

I think that getting or sending tons of messages is no one's fault but your own. If your approach to online dating is 'hey baby, ur hot!' and you've sent 50 of those messages in the last two days, then your being burnt out is on you. If you took the time to actually see who was behind the picture, you'd be able to judge a little better who you were writing. And if you're too lazy to make the effort, then you have no one to blame for your lack of dating prospects but yourself and your laziness. It's not a 'numbers game', it's a 'who's actually paying attention' 'game'. I don't want someone who can't be bothered, in the first moments they 'meet' me, to already be too lazy to make the effort. That doesn't exactly bode well for a relationship, does it?

As for specific things women look for- I don't know any woman who doesn't have her 'list', but when it comes down to it, we know that no man has every single thing. It's like of like the 'if I could mold a man, these are the traits I'd want.' When you're in the relationship, you learn what you're willing to compromise on, and which traits really matter. Obviously, you might want the guy who loves maybe, going to the theater, etc. etc., but if you meet someone who's not into that, then you just say 'ok, well, whatever. The other stuff matters more.'

 

men willing to write extended reponses to posts on a forum but find it taxing to approach someone online for dating with little more than a sentence or two

 

Personally, I hate the online dating thing. DK (I think it was him) said he has yet to find a woman of substance that way, and I would echo that with trying to meet a guy. I interacted with quite a few in the year I was online, and only one (who I subsequently dated for more than a year) was worth my time. When it came down to it, they were all looking for a hookup (with one or two exceptions), even though I indicated in my profile that I was not open to that and instead, was marriage-minded.

I could write a book about some of the crazy experiences I had. My friend told me if she hadn't been privy to the details of my experiences, she wouldn't have believed they all happened to one person.

I think I'm a pretty decent person just looking for a good guy who wants a relationship. Didn't have any idea how hard that would be. :smt102