Question for White women

I think a preference for European or non American women is a very valid preference. People should stick to what they like.

I also do not take it personally, why do I care if some men think negatively about American women?

 

I don't think it is so much of "what they like". Rather, it is who you click with. Not to stereotype a whole country, but there is a general sense of ease that make Canadian women appealing.

Race is always an issue around American girls that I've befriended. A lot of this is unspoken, but you can feel it. This isn't saying that they are bad people. It's just that people are indeed the products of their environment.

The contrary is true of my relationship with Canadian women. I truly forget about race and just carry on as though the concept never existed. In other words, my relationship with Canadian women often makes me feel like my true self.

I guess a good example is how I feel when I try to go out with a girl. In the part of Nigeria where I grew up in, race was not an issue. A guy trying to date a girl has to deal with the guy/girl issue. Nothing more! In America (as a black guy), there is this subconcious test that I always have to go through with the white girls I've dated. I expect a girl to test a potential date before giving in. This isn't what I am referring to. I'm talking about the additional test that comes because I;m a black guy. It's rather difficult to describe it. Most black guys on here should know exactly what I am talking about.

My interactions with Canadian and European women often lack this sort of subconcious baggage.

 

By the way, it's good to read your posts again! I've been very busy for the past few months!

 

Thanks for the replies guys. Theyre very much appreciated. but i still dont think its "legal" to approach a white woman(or any woman for that matter) without them treating you like something youre not.

check this site out:

http://fedupwcandb.tripod.com/blog/

This is why im sometimes reluctant to talk to ppl in public.

 

Well... I've also seen a lot of sites where black men, African or not, trash white women. Honestly, the "information" I collected from them, instilled a negative attitude in me toward black men... and is a reason I hide my eyes when I see one check me out... I'm not saying it's right... it's the result of sources like the one above influencing my mind, just coming from the black side! Those that call white women sluts, easy lays, who don't know how to act, don't know how to treat a man or how to keep house or how to cook, are spoiled and whiny, want the world to rotate around them, and yada yada yada, and are not as hot as women of color either, in addition to everything else!!! Sites where men admit they use different white women for sex but would only marry a sister...

So I don't blame you at all, I just think it creates a very sad situation. I gave my wonderful husband a chance, but if I had been using hate sites as a guide and a point of reference, I probably would have ran from him as fast as I could, and would have missed out on a true love. Don't get me wrong, I do think it's a good idea to be familiar with prejudices towards you rather than live in oblivion, but letting them dictate your choices... would you?

 

Oh, man. Do not go looking for trouble. I use to read a lot of truly ignorant stuff just out of curiosity. The only thing I ever got out of it was heartburn. Do not let that creatures negative views affect you.

Keep your head up and remember what Maya Angelou says, "and still I rise".

 

I dont see the validity of comparing white women of different nationalities. U cant say ALL American women, or ALL Europeaan women are .....whatever. Each person is different.
We all have preferences - thats it. I prefer BM, but I cant say i think American, Nigerian, British etc are the best. What a generalisation !
HAPPY NEW YEAR to everyone.

 

Oh yes. To Soulthinker.
Im "delighted" to see that u regard Europ women as having less scruples ! ! !
But then we are used to guys who think we drop our panties on the first date.

 

I thought that woman sounded pretty stupid and this is what I wrote to her:

Are you telling that black men every where want just you. From your post it seems that every where you go every a black man is zeroing on you. I really do you think you are a deliusional klan's woman who need to have black men look at her to validate her own vanity.....this is sooo said.....because underneath it all any causal reader can tell that you secretly want one.

Moreover it sounds as if some black guy in the past passed you by and now you are upset at the whole lot. If you want a black man so very badly why not just go out and find one instead of bitching and moaning about how all the black men want is just you.

 

Well, the owner of this blog isn't a "white" woman (check out her personal informations here) and reading through that mess it's pretty obvious that she is either suffering from a severe form of paranoia, or, as Typhonous already assumed, has some other kind of mental problems.

In any way, I can't take that stuff serious ...

 

I don't really expect BM to introduce themselves a certain way. I've had BM be very bold and ask if I have a girlfriend. One man in a shoe store started talking about his little girl's feet to me while I was trying on shoes. BM aren't just one big group of people that all look and act the same (though yes it's been drummed into that they are - I know better). I'll respond favorably to a man that is open but not overly bold - even if he's just looking for a booty call, he should be a little discreet.

 

Depends on the quality of woman. Some want a thugged out brotha, others actually really look at the guy.

Me, I love all types of guys, before marriage..lol....There has only been two bm in my life......unfortunately.....lol......

Met my husband and was a forward hussy and asked if he wanted a fling....lasted 6mnths before we parted ways b/c I fell in love and he was a playa! But I had made it clear all I wanted was a good tumble.

He was the first bm I had ever had such feelings for. When we met he was dressed in a dress shirt crisp white and black slacks. NEVER seen a man more sexy than he. He was Smokin'.

We parted ways for 2yrs, next guy was Italian (what a mistake)! Then I hooked up with another bm, thugged out brotha chain hangin' to his dyck! He was something special...we had been friends for 2yrs while I watched him go through woman like nothin'.

So we were friends then lovers until my now husband showed back up into my life saying he couldn't forget me, freaky ass redhead that I am.

So I had a choice between them and as much as it broke my heart I let my thugged out brotha go. It hurt like hell cause we were so close, good friends with benefits (although he claimed he had developed feelings for me after I was already pregnant!)

Although I had my own job/career, I knew that my first lust/love was a real man and would take care of me in a way that the other couldn't (he still lived with his mother and had custody of his baby girl who his mom largely raised).

Both are fione, but with the thugged out brotha we had some special chemistry. Never had the like since! but sex isn't everything and since it is good with the other as well, the decision was hard but not. Too bad I couldn't have had them both!!

 

I'm not sure I understood everything clearly Whiteshedevil...
You got pregnant from your thugged brudda??? and then went back to the sexy white shirt and black slacks guy??
I'm just not sure I got it...

But something also strikes me in ur story...it feels a bit scary...aren't u ever afraid that as soon as something is gonna go wrong with ur man now, u will be awfully tempted to go back-at least for sex, to feel some of that chemistry-to ur thugged brudda?

How fragile do u think is ur current relationship when u r talkin about the last one with still so much passion???

 

No, no, no...JREMINATOR, I did not get preggo from J (thugged out brotha), I got preggo from B (classy got his shyte together brotha), as soon as he could.....LOL.....

B lost me once due to his own stupidity or nerves (who knows), guess he was ready to start a family, I was 25 he was 36

J, when he found out I was preg. made the statement that he wished the baby was his so that way he could always "keep me".

And yes I still think about him, J, every once in a while. I have been with B for 7 yrs.

I am fiercely loyal and more than that I respect B.

So I have had no contact with J since I told him I was pregnant 6yrs ago.

Can't control dreams though, I still dream about him, we had some kind of strong connection. I guess because we were friends first, maybe, I don't know.

Marriage is hard, the hardest thing I've ever done. I was such an independant solitary creature, I never intended the whole marriage and children bit. But I could not be more fulfilled and I can't imagine not having B.

So yeah temptation is always there in one form or the other, I'm sure J has moved on.....I have no idea what he would say to me now after all this time....

One of the things that got to him while we were getting down and doing are thing together is that I'm a white girl and he felt like a traitor, but it was me not some random whitegirl, but he still had issues.

 

This is a very interesting thread and I'm enjoying the different points of view from all of your posters. I've never dated anyone other than Black women, I now live in Vegas which is very IR, I see a lot of very sexy attractive looking white women but I've yet to take the plunge into the world of IR dating because as a Black man living here in the USA and especially coming from So Cali which isn't as liberal as we think concerning IR dating or marriage between Black men and White women, I've always stayed on my side of the fence and white women stayed on theirs.

Keep the comments coming

 

Thanks for ur answer Whiteshedevil...very honest...

You said something bery interesting there...
You said marriage was the hardest thing u have ever done...

what was hard? giving up ur freedom? or the actual daily experience in the marriage? bcoz afterwards u say "I could not be more fulfilled..."

So the fulfillment of the marriage does not really compensate the hard part of it"?

I guess I'm asking all that bcoz I'm deeply in love with my gf...we even started talking-loosely- about kidz and stuff...I've never felt like being so loyal to someone...at the same time, I can't help but wonder how much freedom is actually "given up" when ppl tie the knot!!

 

JREMINATOR

Hey JREMINATOR,

I want to answer your question completely with details so that you understand and I am clear and you don't get the wrong idea.

I need some time, I haven't forgotten you, it's just that I have so much to do, kids, kids and more kids *sigh*

It is hard to sit and write uninterrupted, and by night usually I am wiped.

Just curious, how old are you?

 

Re: JREMINATOR

COOL Whiteshedevil, take your time...and thanks for ur replies!!

I just turned 30 on the 1st of january 2007...the BIG 3-0 and for some reason in my head I'm still 20...hmmm...denial or eternal youth????

 

Nah Jereminator, I'm 31 this past November and I still feel 20 something!

So it's not just you.

Every story is different, people involved are, I can only tell you of my experiences.

I have major trust issues (A screwed up family with divorce and some Crazy Assed teenage early 20's years).

I knew I was attracted to other girls when I was about 12, it took me until about 21 to comes to terms with it and act on it.

I thought I never wanted a "normal" family life. I met B and he was my on the side, call you up come over and lets get nasty guy.

As I mentioned before my husband was a big playa for a looong time.

We didn't talk for 2yrs and the whole time I would think of him regularly. So when he came back into my life speaking about love and devotion, he had at least my ear.

But I didn't believe him. He had to prove himself to me. He did.

But before all that I had to evaluate me. I am a very loyal person. I believe in complete faithfulness, to not be is to demean yourself as well as the other.

I had to decide if I wanted another LTR, I have always been in them pretty quickly again between relationships...I seem to have that effect on men....so I wasn't sure if I was ready to give up my freedom. Plus I was kickin it with someone at that time and I could see we were catching feelings.

I was living in NYC at the time in my own apartment had a nice job, friends and generally I was real content. Going to clubs and bars and basically playing around every chance I got. Plus I just got my freedom back and wasn't anxious to start another.

But B is/was special to me, we just had this kind of connection and when we got with eachother again, he wasn't letting me go for anything.

Normally he is very stoic and closed but when he was trying to win me over to be serious with him, he bared his soul.

I still read those emails when his self containment gets on my nerves...I know it's there, he just isn't a very demonstrative person.

About the marriage part.

Well it IS hard for many reasons...I would say don't have children right away enjoy eachother for a while, kids are very stressful, time consuming, and sometimes downright annoying (mine are 16mnths apart) so they are constantly messing with eachother.

Marriage is something you have to work together at all the time. You are constantly making adjustments, giving things up that bug your spouse and compromising on a myriad of issues.

You really gotta have mad love for the person you're with to be with them day after day and know in your heart that they are the last person you'll ever have carnel knowledge of, (that messed with me for a while before deciding I could do it with him). I still desire women and check them out but now I just look

So in those respect it is hard but to imagine waking up with him not there makes my blood chill.

I love him so much it hurts sometimes. Our marriage is not all smooth. We argue, sometimes over the dumbest things, we get irritated with eachother, this one didn't do that, the other hasn't been doing that. It just constant work and comminucation.

Maintainig a house is also hard it's almost like another child, always something to spend money on....raising children though is the hardest.

A good rule to live by is never let your arguments get dirty. We don't swear at eachother, try not to raise our voices and try not to bring in other issues that have nothing to do with why the argument started in the first place.

But we are 11yrs apart so for us there is the age issue, I want to be young, go out, do stuff I shouldn't (like smoke a dutch every now and then) go up to NY to hang out with friends (without the kids), sometimes I bring 'em though to give him a break.

One interesting fact for you guys out there. When your girl goes on a vacation, you will, upon her return produce 300 million more sperm than usual (read this in Discover magazine), because when you have sex again your body wants to make sure that in case she's been unfaithful it is your sprem that gets the egg......nature is so wild.

I bring this up because I've always used the rythym method, for over 7yrs. My husband got me pregnent with my first after I got back from Jamaica, and then 7mnths later I had to go to the Bahamas for a wedding and when I got back he got me pregnant with the 2nd! And it wasn't supposed to be my fertile time!!

We were together for 9mnths before I got pregnant, we only saw eachother on the weekends I was in NY and he was in Phillie. And he would get there late Friday(after he went to the gym) and leave mid morning Sunday to watch football...lol....plus he didn't want to get caught in traffic around the stadiums if the Giants had a home game or the Eagles...

Through all this work what sustains me is our love. I know he loves me beyond everything, I know he respects me, and I know that he desires me above all others. I feel the same, and above it all I respect him as the strong, smart, sexy as all get out, man that he is.

 

WOOOOOOOOOOOW...
Whiteshedevil, your response just is...AMAZING...

Sorry for giving u such an honest compliment...but well, I mean it and I always try to say what I mean

You have this aura of maturity in and around you, it shows in the way u describe ur feelings with honesty...the bisexuality, the faithfulness!!

It is also amazing that feeling of faithfulness and loyalty u are talking about bcoz I have been a playa in my early 20s...and also had huuuuuuuuge commitment issues...but with my current GF, all of that just seems to have disappeared...

I still look at girls in the street or at work, but there is one I want...and my gf, SHE's that one...it just feels weird even to say it, and to feel it!! and God I LOVE IT!!!

Thanks for ur reply...it makes me feel like ur marriage is a precious stone...u sweat to extract it from the mine, u struggle to polish it...but u love it and find it sooooo beautiful all the hard work is just so worthwhile!!! and then yes, u have to keep taking good care of it!!! I took good note of all the things u said dear!!

Thanks