Popular Food Blogger, Wilkes McDermid, commits suicide

I came across this rather sad story recently and before turning to the next news item was struck by this passage

“I have concluded that in the realm of dating and relationships the primary characteristics required for men are as follows
1. Height: above 5ft 10ins;
2. race: huge bias towards caucasian and black;
3. wealth: or other manifestation of power.

From my observations and research it appears that you need two of the three criteria for success ... What this ... means [is] that it’s ‘game over’ for me.”

This is an incredibly sad story, if you read his blog (link here) he was clearly a talented writer and reviewer, but someone who hid his depression extremely well. What he said in his final blog post, specifically about race, touched on something that often I as a black man never have to worry about - racial bias in dating. London is a very multi-cultural city but clearly the black and white men are winning. You only have to look around the city to see how many beautiful women of varying ethnicities are with white or black men in London and compare that with Asian men for example.

I understand this is a BM/WW forum and don't want to detract from that focus but had to share this story somewhere because it really touched and saddened me. Although as BM we have had to deal with discrimination and other forms race based oppression, we still maintain a certain level of desirability and attractiveness in the dating world.

If I ever come across a WW that doesn't find me attractive I soon meet one that does, I never let my confidence slip. It seems like Wilkes was attracted to WW but they just didn't want him and in a city like London where most board members here could do pretty well he was failing.

How true do you think Wilkes 3 primary characteristics are? Growing up in London, I have to admit that most of the hot women were either with black or white men, and most of those guys were of average or above average height. Most where successful in one form or another. What are the observations in your own hometown? Are BM at an advantage or disadvantage? Who do you see with the best looking women? Do friends of other ethnicities ask you for dating advice or assume your success is down to you being black?

It would be interesting to here what others think, although this topic may be too heavy and die a slow death.

QB

 

Very sad story and tragic loss. But I tend to agree that his theory is correct. The 2 of the 3 being the first 2, in my experience.

 

he is Asian though and I was under the impression that the majority of Asian men date Asian women...nevermind I just answered my own question...Asian women dating WM or BM as a preference...also China messing with limited births and favoring boys...

not enough women for Asian men unless they start swirling

 

Not sure if srs since so many bm here bitch about not getting any

 

Interesting enough, that's what has started happening recently. The two least likely to be in an interracial groups (Asian men and Black Women) are starting to find each other more and more.


Here is an article that speaks on this:

http://www.complex.com/pop-culture/2014/03/why-black-women-and-asian-men-should-date/

and a Tumblr blog

http://blackwomenasianmen.tumblr.com/

 

Thanks for sharing this, interesting read.

 

He was depressed and pursuing women who weren't interested in him.
All of us if we tried to make a connection with women who saw nothing remotely attractive or interesting about us would feel that the dating game was biased against us.

But here in D.C. I see Asian dudes with BW/WW/AW, like whatever.
Some of these dudes look really together, some of them look like Bobby Lee from MAD TV, just a huge goofball.




Again, the biggest problem is this dude was suffering from depression. The dating game maybe made it worse, but even if he had the girl of his dreams the depression was still going to be there.

 

in the uk!!!!

We are in the US

 

Lol

Still it's nice to know bm are envied somewhere......

 

Excellent point. Depression was his biggest challenge. And Asian men don't have the market cornered on rejection. I got rejected all the time too, but I took a different lesson away from it. As to his believing that black men are valued over Asian men, I am not sure that black men are valued equally. I agree that we are viewed as hypermasculine, but I don't think that's necessarily a compliment. Can any forum members from the UK give us some comparison/contrast on the similarity of wwbm in the UK vs. the US?

 

The consensus was it was more common/accepted/not that big of a racial deal

We discussed this years ago

 

I'm not such a quick study, you know that.

 

Honestly many bm here felt that they'd fare better in Europe period

They even got to discussing the quality of the willing ww there versus here and well......that got ugly

 

How would you compare Spain and Florida? ( You lived in Spain if my memory serves me correctly)

 

This is only me experience but I have grown up in the UK, been here 30+ years. My family are of African origin. I've spent some time in the US, mainly New York. From my personal experience average BM in the UK did better then their US counterparts in attracting WW who were young, desirable, educated and good looking. I stress this is just my experience, but London is a lot more open when it comes to IR dating and I've seen some stunning WW with average looking BM who didn't necessarily display any signs of ostentatious wealth. I will add one caveat which is that the best looking WW in London aren't English they tend to be from other parts of Europe and are living and working London. WW seem to be more open when out of their natural habit.

In my time in New York I found fewer opportunities to mix with quality WW, whereas in London you work and live in very mixed areas so you're always meeting people of different backgrounds. I also felt I needed more status in New York to attract the high tier WW. Again just my own thinking and experience.

QB

 

I am sad to see that depression got the better of him. I hope he is in a better place.

 

I'm not a good case study because each time I've been in Spain, I was with my ex-fiancees or visiting friends of my ex-wife, so I couldn't really participate in the "dating game", per se. I was treated well, without any incidents, but being insulated with tons of locals will do that. I will say that I noticed generally that African-American and Afro-Latin men did better generally than African men (except maybe those from Equatorial Guinea b/c they don't have language issues), but I am almost certain that had more to do with relative economic privilege and general cultural similarity, than any 'acceptance'. There's a lot of racism in Spain, especially in Andalusia, but I don't have much experience in that region. I honestly have to say that the most visible hostility I saw was directed toward Roma and people who were outwardly 'Muslim'.

I've always wondered about the UK vs. US (and Canada, the Commonwealth, etc) because the Anglophone world's attitude toward that seems to vary greatly. I don't think there's a quality difference, because I'm sure you can find amazing people in every country, I'm just curious if any country is relatively more open than others. I'm not sure if comparing London to Boise, Idaho, is fair though. Maybe a London vs. NYC comparison is more balanced.

 

Me too. I'm curious about Argentina as well. Warm weather is always appreciated.