Pick-up artists/Seduction Gurus

Yep, that's seriously it. I actually feel a little bad picking on the smokers, but cigarette smoke makes me ill, so it's non-negotiable.

 

I never said it was right I'm just describing what is and unfortunately if you want someone you actually like these are the rules of dating.

 

so they can be as hideous as Flava Flav, as short as Ghetto Boy's Bushwick Bill and they cool with ya? No physical, material, financial requirement? Lady, where do you come from?

 

Okay GZ, physical really is the last thing I look for. He might be the most hideous man on the planet to most people, but if he's got a great personality and makes me laugh, and doesn't bitch at me all the time, to me he's the sexiest guy walking the planet. As for material and financial, I'm not much on materialism, and I don't need someone else's money. I don't see why some people get so hung up on money and things, honestly I don't.

 

Well you know what they say, rules were made to be broken.

 

Wouldn't you have to be attracted to the person 1st? = physical

 

Nope. Seriously it's not something I look for. It's 100% personality first with me, always.

 

Is this something you attained as you gotten younger and wiser or has it been like that always?

 

But you have to look at a guy first right? Personality might win you over but looks open the door.

 

It could partially be a maturity thing for some people. Though really I've never wanted to spend time with someone unless they had a good personality, so I doubt it. Thinking back to when I first started dating, I never went for physical. I have always just talked to anyone who approached me, so if they have the guts to make contact they've got just as good a chance as anyone else, regardless of what they look like. I guess essentially if I like their other qualities, they appear very attractive to me whether they do to anyone else. And what anyone else thinks has never mattered to me, even in my younger years.

 

Then you are truly one in a million my friend because most people just don't operate that way.

 

Nope.

I do not approach men, ever. They have to approach me, so that pretty much means I didn't pick them, they chose me. I have never shunned anyone who approached me for any reason, and I assure you men have said some interesting things to me. Regardless of what comes out of their mouth, they get 3 tries. If you haven't managed to interest me by that point, then it's likely you won't. Though you are always welcome to try again later. I have never held anything that anyone said to me against them. New day = clean slate.

 

Agreed.

 

Why?

Is it a self-esteem issue or you were just very attractive and have men chasing you all the time?

 

I think it's either genetic or the way I was raised, because literally every woman in my family thinks and operates that way, and I passed it on to my daughter as well. We just were never taught to judge people on outward appearances, as those are often deceiving. You determine who someone is by how they act towards you, not what they look like.

I'm actually really bad about it, and honestly it leads me to sometimes appear really dense. I would share a specific example, but you'd think I am completely stupid if I do.

 

I seriously wish I lived in your world. Sounds like a great place.

 

No I'd love to hear it.

 

Oh now Sweet Pea, I have more self-esteem than I need, I assure you of that. I'm totally and utterly content with myself. There's just a lot of old Southern programming left over from my youth that tends to still direct my behavior. My grandmother drummed it into my head that a lady never approaches a man, under any circumstances, it's simply 'loose' behavior. Now I don't agree with her reasoning, but I still don't approach them. She also told me that a lady of substance never discusses sex with any man other than her husband, and though I also have absolutely no issue discussing that topic with anyone, to this day I blush from head to toe whenever I do. I blush when I type something of a sexual nature, I just can't help it. More Southern conditioning I suspect.

But I also think that if a man doesn't have the courage to approach, he's likely not the guy for me. I suspect I look extremely friendly, or really knowledgeable, because strangers just come out of the woodwork anytime I'm out in public. I carry on more conversations with strangers than I ever do with people I know. So I don't feel there's any reason for a man to hesitate.

 

LoL, on the real note, what did she say about you bringing a BM home?

 

Alright, but don't say I didn't warn you.

I have 2 younger sisters, and 3 years ago the older of the 2 brought her boyfriend for Christmas. She didn't tell me before hand because she thought I would object since she had just left her husband for the boyfriend and wasn't divorced yet. So she shows up unannounced, boyfriend in tow. Of course I would never not welcome family under any circumstances, and if he's with her then he's family too. So a little later they were all watching a movie in the family room and my husband at the time took me aside in the kitchen and the conversation went as follows:

Him: she should have warned us

Me: yes it's a bit rude to drop in like that but she's always been the 'it's better to ask for forgiveness than to ask for permission' type so I'm not really surprised

Him: (looking at me with a raised brow) No I mean she should have warned us he's black

Me: He's black?

Him: Yes, rather obviously

Me: (tiptoeing over to the doorway to take a quick look, and then tiptoeing back) Yep, you're right he is

Him: You need to get your head and your eyes examined, not necessarily in that order (shaking head and leaving the room)

I seriously did not notice. Now I gave it some thought to try to determine how I missed something that apparently other people didn't, because really I'm a pretty observant person. I concluded that it is likely due to always being told that everyone is equal, and the fact that my mother's 2nd marriage was IR, and the fact that my sister has never dated a white man in her life. Basically IR isn't exceptional to me, I just don't see it as outside the norm and so the color of his skin just didn't register for me. However that is apparently not the case with most people, and so that's likely responsible for the looks of utter disbelief whenever my Ex would relay that story to people to illustrate what an idiot I can be.