People with preferences do like luda says and STAND UP!!!!

PREFERENCE IN A POSITIVE LIGHT


I'll create a seperate post to let the OTHERSIDE! of the meaning of the "Honest answer need only apply" thread. I created to make a point and to point out that preferences are ONLY BAD WHEN YOU HAVE RACIST FEELINGS TOWARDS BLACK WOMEN/WHITE MEN! I have seen a woman on judge mathis be chastise when she said she was into black men and called racist when it wasn't true, I have witness people having to explain themselves, I recently encountered people who have said that they say they like women of all races so the sistas won't get mad, or people don't want to be labled as a racist, and on here in some past posts and recent posts people being mainly the ww being jumped on because it's only bm or I even heard some people saying it's wrong, or why black men and why not all men, callin others shallow for being only attracted to bm/ww....of all places I didn't think I would see it here

And I would just like to come to the sides of all those who have to explain themselves, and who have been picked on cause they are not "openminded" preference does not spell hate, Us who have preferences does not make us wrong, The saying "you can't help who you love" don't tend to only one group it is a general saying.

Why white women for me because the interior of the women Im usually was always attracted to or had a crush on had white exterior....In other words I love dem whiteguurls :lol:

Am I prejudice towards non white women....No I watch alot rap videos, that should say it all right there. :lol:

Just because if I had to choose I would act on my white celebrity crush over my black one it is not a RAC-IST thing It is a race thing because I have a non prejudice PREFERENCE!!


I for one am not going to be part of an interracial ww, bm website and shy away from one of the reasons why came here which is live this part of my life like I live the rest of my life and that is not afraid to say I love white women (well ww into brothas anyway, with the exception of geena davis.) without having to be chastise and wrong for not being open minded in my dating life, Like you have to be open minded to dating and in your personal life to be right if I was open minded in my personal life I wouldn't only be on
whitewomenblackmen.com I would be on
anyracewomenblackmen.com

Me alot of people in this world have a peference and we are not mean with but we seem to be the ones people get on the most


Had to get that out, I feel refreshed now.......and sleepy Im going to bed after I watch extra :lol:
never mind what I just said at the bottom Im just writing down everything I say now......Oh boy need to get another job.

 

Alot of people say that your racist if you have a preference, maybe not where you are at but here in the states yeah they do (especially if they are jealous.)

I never said that people on here didn't have a preference I said SOME people were getting bashed for just being attracted to one race like its so wrong, I can't remember the posts just this moment but if I have to I would find them again and show you.

Also some people do have more than one preference but alot of people just say that as the safe answer is what Im starting to realize. I know in my personal life I met some whitegirls who say they are attracted to black men and hispanic men but around their friends it's just the brothas they like or just latinos. But like I said hey I find alot of black women very attractive for someone who has a preference for white women, but I SEE myself with a white woman more, It is either misleading if you are in a SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP with someone of the same race when you have a strong attraction to the opposite strong enough to not only visit but sign up to a preferential site like this one here that is geared towards communicating, celebrating, recognizing, and display of representation of black men, white women interracial relationships to the person that you are seeing or not really knowing what you want in your dating life. Alot of people don't act on their full feelings when they do say that they prefer this or that. I think we all know that their are people out there that prefer interracial for the sex, thats not acting on your full feelings. Alot of people don't really know what to prefer something is and don't realize a half preference is actually a fetish when it is one kind of feeling that attracts you.
It's like me I love black women and they curves, but love white women's curves even more. Preference is another name for choice. And to have a preference that is stronger than your open mindedness and carry on serious relationship with someone your not as strongly attracted to as hwo you prefer is untintentionally misleading but misleading on the person you are dating none the less.
It's like with some bisexual women who says they is BI but love men more
as to the reason why they are married to a man. I think whiteshedevil expressed that.


You are right about the media stereotypes, that is what the media does especially with black people, but more so now only black men, because now there is a sudden surge of black women that is now viewed as beauties, and sexy by the mainstream media, but black men is still being tokened and unheard of when they bring up the thought of attractive stars.
For instince the movie Ocean's 11, 12 & 13 all they talked about when mention the "hot eye candy" was george, matt and brad all over the media and just completely ignored don cheadle. Don cheadle is having a big year too by the way. Anohter example is when jamie foxx & usher had their big year putting themselves out there as sex symbols (more so usher) and people's magazine both years picked white men as the sexiest man alive but them and another magazine had three black women as their sexiest woman. (janet jackson, halle berry, beyonce knowles.)
But none of them mainstream magazines when it comes to sex appeal, beauty and all that choose black men unless it is a good time to use their tokenism. Thats PROBABLY Why alot of times when they ask alot of famous and semi-famous women who are their crushes they say a white male celebrity or latino and mixed. You have to explore black entertainment (the music, black magazines, movies, etc.) to make sure you won't buy into their attempt to get you to believe that non-black men are sexier and more beautiful than black men. Because that is mainsteam's goal.

Oh and another example of this is what is going on the show taye diggs is on he just got jipped out of the way as the love interest for kate walsh's character for a white man. Remember when they kept building up that her and taye was going to have something goin on with their characters and kate walsh even said so herself, I could go on and on with these examples though for real.

 

Well then it's based on what feeling are more like that will determine how strong your preference is. So what feeling is you more like?

whats wrong with a black nerd, got somethin against urkel :lol:
Or my man pierre benard from late nigth with conan o'brien.

 

So kenny_g, if my next relationship is with a wm would you say I am seriously misleading him by continuing to come to this forum and post? Given the fact that I have openly stated (and shown) that I like black men, am more strongly physically attracted to black men, but have also stated that what's most important to me is finding simply a good person that I am also attracted to, even if the attraction isn't as strong as what it could be in a perfect world? If I told him I come here and post b/c I support IR relationships and simply like the vibe of the forum, is that misleading?

Preference is not another name for choice. Preference is what leads you in one direction or another in making a choice, but preference is not the only ingredient. My stated physical preference for bm doesn't mean I will choose a black man, b/c my preference is not to the exlcusion of white men. My preference simply gives black men an edge but it doesn't take white guys out of the game.

Personally, I dont think of Don Cheadle as eye candy at all. He's a character actor, but he's not the gorgeous, rip his clothes off, actor. He's a tremendous actor, but that doesn't make him eye candy. Plus, his role wasn't all that major in the overall scheme of the movie. I think if racism or tokensim is applied to that situation then it would in the fact that none of the roles played by Brad, George, or Matt was a black guy. I could see Nick Cannon stepping in and playing Brad's role. Hmmm, I might have to sit back and think about that a little more... :wink:

I have never spend time exploring black entertainment and still find black men very attractive. I don't need People magazine to tell me what is hot. And I really think the idea that mainstream media has a specific goal of mkaing sure that white men are perceived as more attractive than black men is wrong. Yes, I agree that tokenism exists, but I don't agree that CNN, Fox, E!ntertainment, and ABC, etc... have an articulated focus on keeping the black man portrayed as less attractive than the white man. If anything, I would think that their decisions are based on what they percieve white America as being 'ready' for. If People magazine doesn't choose half of it's sexiest men of the year as black, it would be b/c they are catering to what they think mainstream America wants. Just my thoughts.

 

You said you feel certain ways towards bm and wm, which is stronger?

 

Some guys would see it that way, just like women don't like it when guys have the wondering eye or out all night or even sometimes dancing with other females they get suspicous so do men. Let me just say that is just my opinion of what I don't get, it maybe different to you, (remember people are entitled to their own opinions) but me personally I believe people should act on entire feelings if you are considering pursuing a serious relationship. Are you only physically attracted to bm? have you ever dated a black man before? Because you know dark skin is only our looks. Our Race has more to it than just our looks our race makes up CULTURE, pigmentation, texture, vibe, essence, body, soul BLACK, NEGRO, BROTHA, AFRO-AMERICAN why you think why we call our brownskinned and lightskinned people "black" even though they aint the color black, because we are talking more than physical looks we mean those things I just listed which is our race and thats what Iam talking about in forms of attraction Im talking more than physical attraction it sounds like your only physically attracted to bm and if so then you are right because physical attraction doesn't beat out a person as a whole and your preference isn't race, it's probably something else, I would probably open minded to dating black men. (see defintion on the second part.)
It sounds (just saying what it sounds like) like you base your dating black men mainly on looks and personality wise on white men. Are you?
I ask that because when alot women say they are physically attracted to black men they are talking about just the skin color and at times penis size and try to go on that in when they date them :lol: it's funy at times, I could see if it's just sex but when you decide to date someone because their darkskinned looks turns you on aint much substance is going to be there other than just animal attraction, if you can't find some or all of the things that makes up the black race that I listed above emotionally and deeply attractive as well.
Preference for looks is just physical, Preferance for a race goes deeper than that, cause race overall is more than just looks.

Let me re-word that to the dictionary meaning of preference means to put before something else and greater love for and to take more of a liking to, so a dating preference is more of like a stronger attraction to, it is something that leads your hormones before everything else when dating, sex, intimacy, etc. is in your mind. I know it is not the only ingredient thats why I said people have both. (preferences&open mindedness) But it does mean something you have a stronger liking for. Again I would put your liking to black men more open minded because your mindedness seems stronger than your preference, which is the other part of what I was trying to say and that is you either have MORE OF a open mind when it comes to interracial dating and less of an preference or vice-versa.

Well that is what it is if you watch BET, TV One, other black shows, read all black magazines for one week than go back to watching mainstream you would see it the way alot black folks see it, Im not the only brotha that brought this up.

Try it it sounds like a good expirement, maybe Im on to something here with that. :idea:

 

I think there is a distintinction to be made as far as what I have a preference for. There's physical attributes and then there's all the good stuff inside that you only find out after getting to know someone.

Physically I have a preference for black men. Black men are simply more asthetically pleasing. Generally speaking, the color of skin, the build, something in the way a black man moves is very attractive. That's not to say I don't find white men attractive, but if I saw two attractive men walking down the street, one white and one black, I would watch the black man. But that is all just first impression stuff.

Beyond that, people are different and I believe in trying not to peg anyone into some kind of hole based on their skin color. So my attraction to a black man (if I were getting to know him and not just ogling him :wink: ) would then be based on what he brought to the table as an individual. I don't care whether he embodies the 'soul' of a black man as you described above, I care that he clicks with me. I wouldn't give any black man the benefit of the doubt of having the 'soul' of a brotha - each person should have to prove what they bring to the table on their own.

When you make comments as to 'OUR RACE' above - to me that just brings into mind the thread about whether a black guy is 'black enough'. I would think the 'essence' of a black man raised in upper middle class Houston would be different than the 'essence' of a black man raised in inner city Houston. But then again, I've stated upfront that I've only dated one black man and havent' known a lot of black guys in my life period. It does seem like the comments on this forum from the bm themselves would lead me to believe that the 'essence' of a black man is what is created in him as an individual - and isn't that the same for every person of every race? OF COURSE there is more to a black man than the pigment of his skin, but again, that's true of every person.

So to compare that to my attraction for a white man, basically I see it like this. From a physical stand point I find some white men attractive, it's just that generally speaking they aren't as attractive as black men. Beyond that, any white man would have to prove himself in the very same way a black man would - no making assumptions for him or giving him the benefit of the doubt, either.

So hopefully I've made it clear that there is a physical attraction that, of course, is only based on looks. And then there is the compatibility that is more important than having 100% physical attraction. And that compatibility gets judged the same for anybody I date.

Well, alot of my reply here would be the same as above. I guess I try to be open minded to anyone I consider dating. I agree that a preference is 'a stronger liking for' - but that doesn't mean the ONLY thing I like.

It seems like there have been plenty of men on the forum who have expressed thier attraction for black, white, latino, asian women but have also stated there is something about ww that sets ww apart. However, those men have also made it clear that they would still date the other types of women. I'm saying exactly the same thing.

For instance, I think I've read LC as stating that there is something about blondes that just gets to him - yet his partner is latino.

I never stated or argued that racism and tokenism doesn't exist. I was specifically saying that I just don't buy into the idea that there is a goal in the media to make sure that black men are not perceived to be as attractive as white men. That narrow statement is the only thing I'm arguing. But like you said, everyone is entitled to thei opinion - I always like to hear yours, kenny_g!

 

So then your open mindedness is actually stronger than your preference, if that is the case thats all you had to say :lol: Because now it would make sense of why you don't prefer bm race-wise(as a whole), but only skin-wise when it comes to your preference. It's like I said a person either has a strong preference and less of an open mind or VICE VERSA. But I Hope you know there are indian and hispanic people that damn near look like us, so it is either somethin more to a brotha you like your not realizing or you don't realize maybe you just have a preference to dark skin, because dark skin aint just on a brotha, alot of times when women say they are attracted to the dark skin of a brotha they are talking about the race of the man as well and their is nothing wrong with that is what I was trying to get at in the first place. It is like IFFYSWIFEY
Said "There is more to a person than how they look, in particular features that represent their ethnicity." Their aint nothing wrong with prefering a race because you also love the culture of the person along with looks like I said prefering race as an whole.....


You got the whole OUR RACE Comments wrong and thats probably because you don't know too many black people their are different types of our culture there the distiguished strong black man brotha, there is street smart brotha (Or the hood brotha), Smart Brotha, Conspiracy brotha, Righteous brotha (they are the funniest), Brotha Love(usually a name for our reverends and church going people.) and Soulful brotha, Scary Brotha, Ghetto Brotha too.
Their are different kinds but we all come from the same culture of afrocentric ethnic knowledge and other words a brotha born and raised in the burbs can more than likely pull off a hood accent better than eminem . And I mentioned only the bm BECAUSE THAT IS WHO YOU SAID YOU WERE PHYSICALLY ATRACTED TOO thats the reason I was just staying on my reply to what you said. and I was trying to just tell you we are more than just physical, looks we are race that is historically made up of soul, essence, vibe, style, etc. that we are built on historically. All of those pertain to all groups of the kind of brothas a listed above in different ways but it is of the same history a black man's history.

So what that said back to what I was saying about prefering these types not only by on skin color but culturally and subculturally what they represent and wanting to find the right kind of person for them out of the race they are attracted too. You don't have to have less of a preference to find a good man/woman, you could find what you want within your preference as well. Like for guys who like girls with big booties and that can move them, just because they might run into a ignorant girl with fine as booty don't mean they should then try skinny girls if a girl what a big booty is what they prefer more. Same thing race wise just because one person don't catch you on a personality level don't mean that having a preference is bad, it just simply means you ran into a person not a race that you didn't connect with.

 

fnnysmrtprtty wrote:
"Well, alot of my reply here would be the same as above. I guess I try to be open minded to anyone I consider dating. I agree that a preference is 'a stronger liking for' - but that doesn't mean the ONLY thing I like.

It seems like there have been plenty of men on the forum who have expressed thier attraction for black, white, latino, asian women but have also stated there is something about ww that sets ww apart. However, those men have also made it clear that they would still date the other types of women. I'm saying exactly the same thing.

For instance, I think I've read LC as stating that there is something about blondes that just gets to him - yet his partner is latino. "

Then they have a stronger open mind like I said. (Im not dissing people with stronger open minds., Im tired of people wanting people with preferences to be open minded getting the wrong idea with those who have preference based prejudices and those who have a preference based on just SIMPLY race.) But also alot has addressed attraction to ww greater than just skin color, you see we talk about what is they about, whats goin on with them, are they into brothas, we see what kind of ww they are and if they are our type or do they swing our way. :wink:

 

Right about now I am cussing b/c it's hell getting my point across and it would be so much easier face to face. Ah well.... I'll respond later when I figure how to say what I want in an understandable format...so don't go anywhere kenny_g!

 

I just want to stand up and say...feeling love for black guys is NOT A FETISH! (for all my ignorant, stupid friends who are not as liberal as they'd like to think. if I hear that one more time... along with the other gems - "oh you'll probably end up with a white guy finally, because after all, black guys are not good long term prospects..." - ENOUGH!)

Loving feet, or rubber underwear, or whips are fetishes.

Black guys are people!

End of story.

 

and vice versa cuz I know alot brothas do it too....
So exactly.

 

Everytime I think I have made my thoughts as simple as I can
damn fnny done cuss leave that to me :lol:

Lets try this then, Describe the attraction to the one black guy you said you dated from the first time you saw (I guess that would be the physical.)
To how he won you over, how he turned you on, to the steady thing that kept you attracted to him?

And one more time this time a little more simpler. Are you more open minded or are you more preferential when it comes to dating?
Thats all I wanna know.

I created these topics because I was just trying to stand up and bat for people who just can't help but to have a preference because thats the way they feel. So many people more so ww and bm are slammed if they have a preference. I be finding ww who get asked why do you date bm go for the "I like all men" excuse but you'll catch them on blackandwhitesingles dot com or something. I remember when ww was asked do they date bm, their answer would be "No but I would like to." I heard that so much it clearly became of you looked into their dating life an excuse as well. And don't get me started if a brotha say their preference for ww around an open minded crowd 8 times out of 10 they'll get slammed like a muthafucker. It is becoming bold to say you have a race preference instead of just simply having a preference.

 

Well, at first it was just physical attraction, just like any other man I've been phsyically attracted to. After that it was his sense of humor, his opinions, the way he talked to me and wanted to hear what I thought about things.
Other than the fact that he was black, I wouldn't say it was any different than any other man I've gotten to know. We went thru that phase of getting to know each other, and finding out we like and dislike. Except that the fact that he was black made it better in a way b/c I was SOOOO physically attracted. That part of it was thru the roof.

I don't know that I agree with the way you break down the whole preferential vs open minded dichotomy, even tho I see where you are going with it...kind of. It's hard for me to answer. I guess I would say I'm open-minded to finding a man I love. IF he's a black man then that's great b/c there is no better site than seeing a good-looking bm. But most important to me is to be loved and respected.

I know where you were coming from when you say that black men have a vibe. My ex had a vibe like that and it was magnetic. And the idea of that vibe is not what I mean when I say I prefer bm, b/c when I say that I mean just phsyically. The vibe, for me, goes to what a person's more innate qualities amount to, and I don't HAVE to have that - even though there is nothing wrong with it and I would be happy with a man who DID have that vibe. (So much for not being confusing! :lol: )

I see why you have a problem with all of that. I can see where you would get sick of women who 'would like' to date a bm, but don't ever have any intention to do so. So when they come onto a board like this they are just fulfilling some kind of fantasy without ever having to go thru with it. It's insulting to the men on the board.

I also see where people who say their preference is for another race exclusively get bashed. It's not fair. There shouldn't be criticism for liking who you like, and no one should have to justify it.

Sooo, maybe you are suspicious that I'm one of those ww who either 1. aren't brave enough to come out and say that I like bm to the exlcusion of all other races, or 2. come to this board to get my 'bm fix' at arm's length.

I'm neither. I'm not afraid to say I like bm, but I won't say it's to the exclusion of white guys (not b/c i'm afraid to) but b /c it isn't true. I am still attracted to white guys, and that's just how it is, even if I beleive that bm are simply more physically attractive. And as far as keeping a relationship with a bm at arm's length, well; I was in a serious relationship with a bm, I hated being an arm's length away from him, I was contemplating what it would be like to have children with him, how to introduce him to my friends and family, what kind of impact he would have on my daughter.

Hopefully that helps clear it all up? :wink:

 

Alright we are getting close to an understanding but I think I finally have something for you to understand what Im talking bout on the preference & open minded level when I talked about race preference, look preference. S here it is in your own words and this is what I've been getting out of you when you say this:

fnny wrote:
"I am still attracted to white guys"

"I beleive that bm are simply more physically attractive"

"From a physical stand point I find some white men attractive, it's just that generally speaking they aren't as attractive as black men."


"Physically I have a preference for black men."


When you talked about preference as far as black men go you have said it is only physical, but when you spoke on your attraction to white men you never, well first of all you said some white men physically attractive and you never gave a reason what it is about white men that you are find attractive you pretty much just said them in general "white men" which makes it seems to me you are kind of relating when you say....

fnny wrote:
"My stated physical preference for bm doesn't mean I will choose a black man, b/c my preference is not to the exlcusion of white men. My preference simply gives black men an edge but it doesn't take white guys out of the game."

Generally speaking, the color of skin, the build, something in the way a black man moves is very attractive. That's not to say I don't find white men attractive."



to white men because you say your attracted white men as well but you always say that in general as a race, but when you say black men you are just talking about looks. So you see why I added race as a whole thing when I talked about preference? Most people with a racial dating preference say just black men (unless they are asked why or something like that.) just like you in general implied white men when you talked attraction, but you specify when you talked about your attraction to black men as physical. And thats where I say maybe you are just more open minded to dating black men or white men since you specified your attraction when speaking about brothas.

Let me break it down shorter in case you don't get the long version:
fnny:
"I find black men physically attractive."

"I find white men attractive."

Is your attraction to white men in general (as a whole), or is it openly.
Thats the shorter version of what I meant above.


and that is still the thing that Im confused about, I got you everywhere else. NOT HATING, just confused fnny :wink:

 

I have NEVER said that my attraction to black men is JUST physical. And as far as why I find white men attractive, I guess i'm at the point now where I'm thinking 'does it really matter why I think black OR white men are physically attractive?' It's just a gut reaction. Same as anyone else.

I think where the confusion comes in is that I HAVE said phsyically, I find black men more attractive. That doesn't mean I don't find white men attractive at all, or that I only would want a black man for a physical relationship.

It's just the different kinds of attraction, I think.

Physically - I'm attracted to white and black men, but more so black men, for whatever reason.

Mentally - I'm attracted to a good man - whether he is black or white.

I can see where the fact that I singled black men out on the physical attraction point could be misleading, but I've also clearly said that I also find white guys phsyically attractive, and then I have been super super clear about looking inside to what the individual man offers (regardless of race) for anything else. The point is, a preference isn't choosing one to the exclusion of another. Even tho some people do that, and good for them if that's what makes them happy, I don't.

I know you're not hating, sweetie, me either!

 

Gotcha baby :wink:
Damn that took long :lol:
But I enjoyed the long fair arguement just like I have enoyed the long conversations.



BTW
I never said you said JUST PHYSICAL, Iam implied you did fairly because you did say that ALOT when talking about your attraction to black men.