On the street with BM friends

I haven't ever had a black boyfriend, but I have a few BM friends. I usually meet my closest one in his neighbourhood, and although I get the occasional compliment by other black guys he greets on the street, the predominant majority of them seem to be kind of blanking me.

That's ok by me. However, more recently I noticed that when I walk down a busy street or in shops in the city centre with my BM colleague, who's fairly good looking, I consistently get stares from other black men. Not BW, WM or WW, just BM. This does not happen, certainly not so frequently, when I'm on my own...

So my question is, to men, what do you think this is about? Are all these guys checking me out to make judgements about what kind of white girl he is (presumed to be) dating? Is it something else?

Is this a common experience among women in IR?

Not that this would stop me from doing anything I want to do...

 

Well, I think your situation was stated in another thread discussing if a WW is seen hanging out w/ a BM or black people, she's a "go" as far as her being into BM.

So, it gives BM a greater sense of comfort and interest when they see a WW hanging w/ a BM.

Not to mention, I'm sure some of those BM thought you and that guy you're walking w/ are dating. While the others, were wondering what sort of relationship you two may have. The rest of the guy were checking you out and really checked you out once they saw that you may be "down" or w/ IR relationships.

You also stand out hanging w/ a BM. If you're hanging w/ a group of black people, you don't stand out as much. And if you're hanging out w/ just one black girl or two, you don't really stand out at all.

But, if you're just hanging out w/ just one BM, you're going to get A LOT of attention.

Especially if you're one of the "prettier" ones as some would say. (Nothing against you and your looks, as I don't even know what you look like. Just saying, that's how people are. Many are vain.)

 

I think that's it: they're trying to get an idea for what kind of white woman would go for them.

 

Rosa, I hope you dont take my next question the wrong way, because Im not trying to be critical of you or insult you or run you off or anything...but anyway...if you have never had a black boyfriend, what brought you to this site?

 

Rosa, in my case I fancy British women but ,never had one as a girlfriend.

 

I've dated black guys but things never got more involved than that - except for developing into friendships, which is great. I'm here I guess because I am attracted to BM, and I want to find out more about that possibility and the prejudice or difficulties I & my potential partner may have to deal with. Also to share experiences & observations and to hopefully challenge any of my own stereotypes. Does this seem unusual or strange?

I fear that WW who like BM are often viewed suspiciously from many sides. I've heard some such opinions from my own friends, e.g. "that woman wanted to go out with me just to prove her progressive values to her circle, but really she was racist"... I really want to know how widespread these kind of assumptions are, because they are making me paranoid!

I guess it's this kind of fear that made me start this topic in the first place. Sorry if it's duplicating older discussions.

 

re

How about this...When my bm friend and I go out, we get stares from everyone, AND he's gay. I'm not crazy about going to bars with him if I want to meet men, because the men I meet assume we're a couple. Even if I openly flirt with a man in front of my friend, they assume we're dating and need his confirmation that we're not. I have never had this problem going out with my gay wm friends, and I consider them to be just as "gay acting" as my bm friend, and all of my gay friends are openly so.

We recently went to a wedding of mostly white folks, and they all assumed we were dating. We had the same reaction at my Christmas party at work, which was mostly black folks. We are not in any way touchy-feely or anything that would lead others to misconstrue our relationship. It seems like wherever we go, people would rather think of us as a couple than as friends. My friend and I always joke that this is because they want to imagine the hot interracial sex we could be having.

It seems as though other people would consider a ww/wm friends before a ww/bm friends. Why do you you think this may be?

 

that's possible..

i actually do the same..

when I see photos of white women, with black men, i gain more confidence in IR relationships...and I also try to get an idea of what's out there...

like looking at a car, for instance... I'm not doing it to be spiteful or whatever.. I'm doing it because I like what I see, and am trying to get an idea of what I should go out and get..

apply that to white women

:wink:

it's the black women you NEED to be weary about...

If you're with a brotha, especially one who's good looking and has things going for him( because simply put, that's the ONE black women want...women in general, anyway ), you are going to get the Ice-Grill regardless...maybe even some ugly commentary

 

Photos? Does this imply it's that rare in your area?

I never noticed any glares from black women. Maybe my BM friends are not such prime material in their eyes... or maybe they just arent' bothered!

 

Re: re

There's truth in that....women and men can have a difficult time being simply "friends" but it's even more rare to see bm/ww as just friends....the assumption as that bm/ww have no reason to be with each other unless they are married or knocking boots.

 

it's not rare

just setting up an example..

IR happens in philly, believe dat



plenty of white chocolate to go around for da bruddas

 

yanno, good topic. when I go out with one of my female flatmates(its four of us, two girls, two guys) its the same thing. But then it depends on what area in the city and what crowd we are around. I have also been out with my gf and her friends and get called out by homeless/drunk/street savy black men. And it's always the worst, "Keep a chain on 'em!" "Go head bruh, keep 'em in check" :roll:
I really hate it when I get "Youse a lucky man, havin' a fine white girl like that!"

It gets to me because I dont feel like I should be congratulated on that. IRK!

 

Ahuh... this sounds all too familiar. You're not in the UK are you? How about "fine princess you got there". Although they don't point out "white" fortunately. That's in the local neighbourhood and my friend feels like he has to apologise on the guy's behalf... But I don't really get offended by that.

With the stares though, it feels more invasive, as if they're not just checking me out but actually addressing me, smirking, as if they're saying "aha, I see what you're doing there, girl". Oh well, maybe I am paranoid.

What a pessimistic idea... I hope I am not that unusual. I have a lot of male friends, and actually I enjoy these friendships more than the ones with women, ever since I was little. It can get tricky sometimes but I've never lost a male friend because of attraction issues. I don't see my friendships with BM as any different. We do have stuff in common, and our differences are what makes them even more interesting & fun - I can only hope they see it that way too, as they seem to.

 

Damn, I love this woman!

And as for the previous post...Chosen is right. As bad as it may sound, I also think a single man and woman do have a hard time being just friends. Why...because single (and quite often, committed) men are always on the prowl. Thats why single men love having women as friends. Because all too often either she or one of her girlfriends will have a weak moment and slip and fall on your d*#k.