Nuclear Families vs "A Start Up"

Obviously the fallout of teen pregnancy and over 50% divorce rates is Divorced, Widowed or Never Married Single Mothers and Fathers. Men are less likely for several reasons to have 100% custody of their children. This includes more "progressive" countries in Western Europe and almost non-existent in Eastern Europe, South America and Asia.

This subject is mainly for those over 30 or at least over 25 because for many of you under 25 this is not an issue you have to tackle yet.

I'm also not talking to the less than 10% of Forum member that are not interested in having children, your comments can be kept to yourself about concerns of overcrowding and other global health issues.

With that out of the way, here's basically what I wanted to know -

For Men:

• Why is it more important for you to be a first-time parent or if its not, why is it not important?
• Do you feel age is a factor in your decision?
• Are you flexible? Are you willing to modify your stance?

For Women:

• Is there any real advantage to having a "ready made family"?
• Is taking a position of "Take It Or Leave It" a bit harsh? Any man considering you has to take on your children, unless your talking to a stupid person.
• Which is more of a factor in dating - Your physical appearence or the fact you have children?

I'm just fishing for some opinions.

 

i have a child ( and i fit inbetween your 25 - 30 stipulation ) and ive dated men with kids too ( never met thier kids )

doesnt bother me in the slightest, im up front about the fact i have a child, if men dont like that, then oh well theres the door

ive been with my other half for over a year now, he lives with us, doesnt bother him i have a child, he acctually has taken on the father role ( her bio dad didnt want her due to disabilitys and i never asked my OH to parent her )
it works for us and thats all that really matters

 

That's great Robina, but I have a follow up -

Are you interested in having additional children if you can afford it?

This is my basic problem with mostly American and Canadian women, once they get pass 30, the likelihood of them wanting additional children goes WAY down to the point by 35 its non-existent.

 

heck yeah, i never intended to only have one child, my mum was an only child and told us she wished thruout her childhood for a sibling to spend time with

my daughters 5 now and asks now if she can have a baby to play with, shes just noticed that her little friends have brothers and sisters and she wants one too, so do i, im getting very broody these days, lol

 

I wish you luck and at least you dealing with the British National Health Service (which is not perfect).

 

i have a love/hate relationship with the nhs
on the one hand they mishandled my daughters very early birth from the get go by allowing a med student to assess and discharge me, by cutting me when i was brought back in with madam half way out, by me finding her on the childrens ward with all her monitors switched off and her oxygen slipped off her head, not breathing and heart rate stalling, by inserting lines without wearing gloves leading to sepsis, having to fight tooth and nail to get equipment she needs etc

on the other hand thou theyve saved her life many many times. her consultant when she was 3 months to 3 years even thou they insisted on putting a do not resus order on her tried every damn thing she could think of including sedating madam and placing her on machines to breath for her ( bipap, full vent would have killed her and wasnt allowed under the DNR rules )
also the care madam recieved her first year ran towards half a million, i couldnt afford that and the equipment we have recieved i didnt have to pay for. she goes in and out of hospital frequently but treatment is free at the point of entry and since shes a minor all her drugs are free too

so as i said its a love/hate relationship for me with the nhs, lol

 

Like I said its not perfect, but you can deal with that and because yes if you have problems with your child early in their life, stand the fuck back because that is going to be at least 6 digits if not 7 digits cost and as you said, can you afford that? Especially in America where you would have some insurance company screaming the treatments your daughter got were "experimental".

 

That's not the case with me.

Unfortunately, I'm having a hard time finding someone to help me out with that. :smt090

 

1. If I understand your question, I'd prefer women with children. While it's not true of every individual, I generally find dating mothers easier because they understand a man's children is his priority. It also gives me insight into how they raise children. Family is the most important aspect of my life and witnessing how a woman raises her children is something I value.

2. Age certainly is a factor for me. I prefer dating women in my age range and older. You may be surprised to learn that the great majority have wanted children or more children if they're already mothers.

3. My desire for more children is strong and there's no sway in my position.

 

When are you moving to Chicago??

 

Well it would seem to me that you and one or two others are in the minority.

 

I understand your position(s)

Thanks for answering