Not taking rejection personally

Not taking rejection personally can really improve your perspective on life. Sometimes a problem can be so simple, but because you view it entirely from your own perspective, the problem seems worse than it really is.

In the very recent past I used to hang out at what could easily be called the 'whitest' spots around here. To be honest, there aren't too many clubs or bars in this area that could be considered 'black'. One night I was at one of these white spots with my friend and I started to complain about the lack of attention and positive responses we get from women at that place. He calmly said "Man, you have to look at it from their perspective. They probably think we're just some ghetto niggers, and in most cases they'd be right, wouldn't they?". Just looking at it from the white girl perspective makes me not dislike white girls so much even if it does make me less interested in them. Food for thought.

 

Or you could man up and approach women and let them form opinions about you based on you instead of speculating from afar.

 

Sound advice, as always. Been there, done that, however.

 

Where are you from again!

 

If you have somewhat of a dislike (albeit less of one), of white women and you are less interested in them, why are you on this forum then?

 

I'm from Michigan.

 

It's not so much disliking them I guess, but more so the way they act. Not being romantically interested in somebody is different from not being interested in them at all. I have a friend who's white and doesn't date non-whites. She's one of the best female friends I have actually.

 

When you say lack of positive responses do you mean you approach and speak to them?? And then get a bad response. I can't tell you if just hang at clubs or you actually try to meet women. Most women won't just come to you.

 

Yes, I'm talking about approaches. When girls start giving you clipped answers or not looking you in the eye, you should probably keep it moving.

True. And they'll never know how awesome I am.

 

As a woman who is considering making a move on someone, I am SUCH A HUGE CHICKEN!

I don't know how you guys get the bravery required to approach someone and ask them out or for a coffee or whatever. Cudos

 

I'm a chicken with you. I let the friendliness of my personality somewhat open that door.

 

Thanks. It is hard work, but easier for some than for others. Norah Vincent said that she gave a guy her number, even though she's a Lesbian. The guy called her and she told him she was lez, so he's like: why did you give me your number then? "Because I was proud of you".

 

I never just approach and ask a woman out. You'd be surprised how much easier it is when you just hang out and meet and talk with people. By the time you actually go out, there's usually no stress whatsoever attached to it and your mutual attraction is already clear.

 

Now thats frickin awesome lol

 

So true Ore, and as it turns out that's exactly what has happened. We hung out at work/school (I'm only there for another week then off to a new location so no work drama), then went for coffee and now have some loose plans for next week. It's so much better than just approaching and asking out.

 

True..and btw, every word, reaction and thought she shares tells you much more about a person than when she has to describe herself or tells you her curricullum vitae. Past is past, if she wants to tell you something about herself, you know, she trusts you- what is a nice feeling

 

I think when it comes to race and interracial relationships or dating this is always one of the big issues. If there is a rejection is it because the person does not like to go outside the race. Now if that person sending the no signal says upfront that they dont date outside race then mystery solved. However for both men and women rejection should never be a interracial down killer. Just move on there are plenty of wonderful people who wish to date and mingle interracially.

 

If someone invented a no-go detector for that I would save so much time.

 

This advice is spot on, and it is worth remembering that not every rejection has to do with us personally...I was rejected not long ago by a woman who learned that I was in the liquor business...she did not want to date me because her ex was an alcoholic and it caused her a lot of pain...clearly, her rejection had little to do with me, because if she had taken to the time to get to know me, she would have learned that I am not only NOT an alcoholic, but I am very responsible in my use of booze and to the people I serve. That experience reminded me that when we enter (or attempt to begin) a new relationship, you cannot discount the baggage that both people bring to it. Most of the time, the other person's shit has nothing to do with you. The main thing to do is to keep trying. There is someone out there for all of us.