"Nice Guy" Behavior....Why?

What on earth would compel any man to be "nice" to a woman?

And to leave ridiculous voice messages and call them constantly throughout the day? To ask her opinion on matters, let alone value them? To ask her how she "feels" about him? To compare her to women in the past who've "mistreated" him? To "open up" to a woman and share his "feelings" and his "philosophy on life"?

My co-worker's who was dating a stripper for a few months was doing just fine until he started becoming "nice" and "sensitive". Now he's up here complaining that almost none of his calls are being returned and that she's being very "cold" and "distant".

For a time he was perfect proof that men didn't need to be wealthy, or insensitive jerks and players and thugs to get "hot" women.

I'm basically telling him to let go of the relationship and simply move on. Any hopes of wife-material are gone now. It's too late to revive a woman's interest once she knows you're "nice"

 

Nice guys can rent "The Dao Of Steve" for more pointers.

 

All women like the idea of a challenge in keeping a guy's interest in the early stages of a relationship (the chase) but once this relationship has been established, only a masochist would want a 'not nice' guy. Why does this topic keep appearing and reappearing? Who would want a not nice guy to mess them about when they could have a loving relationship with a caring man and spend their days doing mutually caring things for each other and making life that little bit more exciting and pleasant?

 

A not nice guy? Just call him a jerk.

 

I'm not an American.

 

You know what? I'm tired of the silly games. I'd just like someone real for a change, not one putting on some sort of "nice" show or "not nice" show for me. I'd like someone to just be whoever the hell they are. I could just stomp my feet and scream I'm so tired of the bullshit.

I think I'm giving up. No more jello for me, mom.

 

I'm with you,sabinne. I hate having to play along with this crap. But its either that or masturbating.

 

dont give up Sabinne, you have to just put things into perspective, its not what he or any guy says, its what they do. you have to focus on character first, kindness to others, not just a nice guy to you, giving, selfless

those are few and far between but its worth it to get the best!

 

what you need to ask yourself is would you want a boyfriend of how many years calling you throughout the day, leaving you messages. asking you how you felt about him? telling you his "philosophy of life"? face it, that kind of behavior reeks of insecurity, and no woman, and absolutely no women in their right frame of mind wants an insecure man.

the guy at my job certainly messed up, but hopefully he knows never to reveal his "vulnerability" to any woman he's with, especially in the manner he did, not even years down the road...

 

Telling people your philosophy of life makes you insecure? Telling someone you care about them makes you pathetic? Showing yourself to be emotionally vulnerable and - dare i say it - romantic makes you somehow less of a man? Ok, in your friend's situation he might have come off as intense and obviously she didn't value his love, but that is bad luck for him.

Let's acknowledge that, having entered the 21st century, it is now acceptable for men to assume these heretofore 'feminine' virtues of communication, empathy, emotional openness...and I would never have loved any of my partners anything like I have done if they didn't share them with me. I grew up being taught that men have feelings, that they cry, and form lifelong loves/bonds with women which can break them into pieces...and it is surely true that the strongest men in the world aren't the ones who can fire a gun at another but those who can protect and love a woman while admitting their own failings and weaknesses, so I can love them back.

Edit: I may have drunk a little too much wine so am a bit argumentative. Sorry.

 

you didn't answer my question.

 

Training.

 

Yes I did.
You haven't told me why your friend was doing that, and you also changed your tune half way through - was he with her for some years, or a few months? Big diff don't you think - if i was with someone for some years and they were feeling insecure there must be some kind of reason, and
I would want them to share that with me. What sort of bloody woman wouldn't want a man with emotions and insecurities? I want my future husband to WEEP when i put our baby in his arms for the first time - real men cry and worry.

 

Maybe its just me. But, this woman is a stripper. 'Nice' to them usually means 'I show you my ass; You buy me a car. You don't buy me a car. You are not nice.'

 

Hahaha. :lol:

 

Women don't like assholes nor do they like nice guys. Good women want a man who's a gentleman. A gentleman is a guy who lets his woman know where the line in the sand is without having to tell her. A man who is willing to walk if she pushes him too far. Because he has a stream of available ladies who he could replace her with.

Most women like the idea of a nice guy but in reality fall for the bad boy. Oprah, Dr. Phil, and Dr. Laura have most guys believing that if you tell women your feelings about them all the time that they will respect you more. The opposite is true.

 

considering that most marriages don't last beyond a year or two, basically anything beyond a month or two is an LTR.

the point is, any man who resorts to "nice" behavior, regardless of his motivation, is insecure. his true colors showed, as with most nice guys who briefly pair up with women who they consider out of their leagues.

This was an exception to rule... Which I'm still baffled about how somebody can screw up an almost perfect arrangement.

http://www.whitewomenblackmen.com/forum/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=41664&highlight=#41664

 

women basically want forthright and self-assured men whom they can project their desires and fantasies onto. that's why women say that so-called jerks and assholes can be loving and kind, romantic caring individuals.

the fact is, one's man wife is another man's whore. and that wife usually had a "nice" husband....

 

Insecure? Maybe he is just a nice guy - you know, with feelings and emotions and all those lovely things which make us human rather than simply animals grovelling around in the dirt for berries and seeds?

You must be kidding - a month or two of dating is not a long term relationship, and if it is, then I must have been practically married 3 times over having been in two relationships of 18 months, and one of 6 months... you can learn next to nothing about a person only one or two months into dating them, true character only reveals itself over a period of time when people stop being on their best behaviour!

 

Has anyone thought of this? Most women don't know what they want,just like men.