New to the board...just curious on interracial dating

Hello people I am new to the board...I never really dated white women before, but there have always been some very attractive white women that I would be interested in dating...but they seem so different, I always sort of figured it was too much of an uphill struggle to really pursue that...but over the past few years I have been even more curious...In addition, on thing that sort of dampens it as well is most white women that date white men tend to date them as their preference...that sort of turns me off, it is like I would prefer a white woman to date me b/c they like me...instead of them liking me being black and then secondly they like me...also I sort of have me thinking that maybe something is not just right with the situation where they only date black men, not saying something is terribly wrong with it but it always raises a small amount of concern with me...so basically I am interested in white women however I really not comfortable with them...can someone help me out??

 

Ok I'll bite.

First I think it's rather odd that you would feel so uncomfortable or that white women were so different...given that you are a Nephrologist. My guess would be that you have spent a good deal of time around white people (men and women) in your line of work. I would think that you would be able to see some common ground and similarities out there as well as the differences. My guess would be that you speak with white women frequently through the day.

I'm a white woman who prefers black men. That doesn't mean I've only been with black men. I sortof fit a stereotype in that it wasn't until I was about 34 before I dated a black man. I dated non-white men, "bi-racial" etc prior. It wasn't because I wasn't interested it was more about the area I was in and the guys that asked me out. And simply...I was married for many years.

I don't really understand why women who who prefer black men would turn you off. There are specific attributes that each human being attracts to. You are finding that you have an affinity for white women...what's wrong with a white woman who knows she has an affinity for black men? I understand your concern about not wanting it to be simply because you are a black man. But I would think you would be somewhat used to weeding out the superficial. Some may be interested simply because someone looks a certain way, has a certain job, etc. Pretty quickly we will find out if it's more than that or not.

I don't know what to tell you...other than...if you truly are attracted to white women - do what you need to in order to get more comfortable with it. Dating would probably be the first step.

 

Welcome! :smt003

Everyone is different. Ok, yea, some are differently different than others. Heh.

Aw, I think if you found the right woman (even white), that it will be okay. "When love reigns; even the impossible can be attained."

I know what you mean. It's quite a pet peeve of mine when I witness that in other white women. But, I know there's a lot of white women, at least here, who don't really discriminate. So, I'm sure there's one out there somewhere for you.

Why are you uncomfortable with white women? I'm sure you could find one somewhere who makes you feel comfortable. What would make you feel comfortable with a white woman?

 

You are right I have quite a bit experience with white folk. I don't think I developed this ideas that well, in order to really do so I would need to write a ten page thesis. But I will try again, regardless of my contacts with other races I am a black man, who grew up and developed in a very black world. You know it is was my grandfather's generation where it was quite possible you could get lynched for approaching a white woman, this is not an exgeration. I think it would be very difficult for a white person to relate to me on the same level understanding as a fellow black person. I am not saying it is impossible, but very very difficult. And I imagine vice versa. So indeed, my level of education, intelligence, experience may help to a degree but there remains a divide. And to me this divide, is very wide and deep. I mean yeah I can superficially accept each other and that might be fine for the purpose at hand if that what you choose to do. But as a black I stand by the statement that white women are very different...


I think I am a little turned off by white women wanting black men...well turned off is not the best word...I think the better word would be one of mild concern...and it is more directed towards women that say "I only date black men, white men are not ........ enough for me" and to be honest of them say this with a look on their face that convey a feeling of confidence...like as a black man I want to hear that, when in actuality I raise an eyebrow...what is so horrendous about white men that can make a white woman say such a thing...white men come in a billion different combinations as do black men, what is going on in this woman's mind to say something like that...to completely ignore your own race...and to me I immediately think that something has happened or developed that has caused this?? something might not be just right here...is it that their self confidence with white men were lost for some reason, or their confidence level was elevated with black men...are they not accept by white men for some reason, are they more accepted by black men....

Finally I am attracted all beautiful women...I would say I find black women or black and other raced biracial woman the most common, mainly because I have an understand from the beginning that I dont have with the other races...also I like a certain body type that is not found commonly with great frequency in other races...and really I think I have this fondness b/c it is seen usually with black women, the race I grew up loving...the race I grew up with in general and the one I have shared the most with...I will see there are some very very beautiful white women and appreciate them for their attributes...you skin speak alot about the skin of black men...I love the skin usually of white women...I love the legs...I like alot and I notice alot...

One last thing, probably have nothing to do with the topic...but alot of guys love the blonde hair and blue eyes...I am like the different, I love very dark haired darker skinned white women...redheads and all...I have some beautiful ones in my day

 

Well I guess uncomfortable doesnt convey the idea I meant. Maybe when I was younger uncomfortable might suffice...but through the years and my experience I know how to make a woman happy, I know how to please her, I know how to make her sad...so it is not like I am too uncomfortable to be around a white woman, because I think I can please her just the same...I guess it is more of why put myself through all the extra hoops and hoopla to date a white woman...I mean if you have a choice from the beginning, there are still available black women why put myself in position to have an extra step to achieve something with a woman...I am curious, is the curiousity worth the extra step???

 

Do or Do not. There is no try.

Or something like that. :smt047

 

Are you Nigerian??? Let me block my emails before you get me...ahah...just playing...so how are the Snowbunnies treating you homeboy??

 

Ok.... I think I understand a bit better now. I agree - it's tough to convey everything we may wish to in a short amount of space!

I think it really comes down to what is important to you and what really connects for you. For me, I have found more understanding, feeling of comfort and actually common ground with those who are not all white. Now maybe I should explain that here. I think I may have at other times on these boards but it's been some time ago. I'm part Italian and when I was young we lived in the mid-west and east coast. It was NOT a good thing to be Italian in those areas at those times (I'm 43 years old) It wasn't even a good thing to be Italian in the family I was raised in. I typically had friends that were from outside of the US and typically of different skin tones. I think the thing was that there was an understanding among us as to the ways that we were treated. I will NEVER say I know what it's like to be a black man in the US. But I guess in some ways, I've felt more understanding from the black men I've known in the US.

I would agree that there may be extra that comes with interracial relationships. I don't know, for me, it's more about if I connect with someone on all levels. Then of course it's worth whatever we face. But then I'm not one that really gives a rip what anyone else thinks of me and my life. It's not that I do things to go against the grain...I simply do what works for me and my family.

Sometimes the things that we are raised with (the attitudes, etc) are very tough to overcome. I know for me, it really came down to realizing what was my thoughts, preferences, wants, and needs vs those of others. Like you, I found myself realizing that I was more and more attracted to those I was attracted to, and it happened to more often be black men. Again - we have to do what works best for us. We are attracted to those we are attracted to. As you stated, there are those who are attracted to blond haired blue eyed and TG there are those who are attracted to olive skinned dark haired dark eyes. Just as there are those women who are attracted to light skin or dark skin. What does it for us does it for us - I don't really know how much of that is a choice or under our control. There is something about connections that are on other levels than simply mental.

I can understand your concerns (not that you need my acceptance or approval) Quite frankly, I have some similar concerns when it comes to black men who are interested in white women. Is it a phase, an experiment thing, do they have unresolved issues about black women, what is really the truth of the matter? I don't have any unresolved issues with white men...I've raised one and am raising another. There are many white men in my family. I appreciate them and love them. I don't have any issues about black women - I'm raising one. I appreciate and love black women...without them there would not be black men, my daughter would not exist, etc.

I think there are concerns when approached by any one. There is a process that goes on and whether we like to admit it or not...it's a discriminating process. It may not be very PC but it is what it is. And here's the thing - who cares really? I mean the truth is that you are the one who has to live with whoever it is you end up being with. You are the one that will get to deal with whatever it is you face with the choices that you make.

I adopted a black child. I have 3 white children. This means that I get to deal with many things that others do not...even things many black folk never get to deal with. You deal with whatever it is you deal with. I can simply tell you that for me it's been more than worth it. Just as my interaction, involvement, and relationships with black men have been more than worth it. Which may sound a bit odd given that I'm currently single....but I don't think that has anything to do with race.

 

The good Doctor has jokes.

Why you gotta call a brotha out?:smt047

Anyhoo, the "snowbunnies" around me here tend to ignore me (most of the time) as if I'm not there OR look plain scared of me soooo...:smt019

Must be 'cos a brotha's 5'5", stocky, tattoed, and mean-mugging and shit...:mrgreen:

 

Aw my dear Lucifer....you always know just what to say (and in so many fewer words than I!)

 

Why put yourself in a position to have an extra step to achieve something with a woman? Is the curiousity worth the extra step? I really think the latter is up to you to decide. You're the only one who knows how curious you are . As for the first question I retyped - The way I feel, is that every person we meet, talk to, and keep company with, affects us/our lives. How we think, feel, what we know, do, etc. I think, just like any woman, and any person, a white woman could touch your life in a very beautiful way as well, (of course, the opposite is true also, as with any person), but who knows what anyone could achieve with anyone really? I'd welcome all people in my life who's interested in being a part of it (well, with some discretion, of course). Everyone has something to teach us, and a new experience to give. Personally, I'm not prepared to give that up if someone is different, or it might take some extra steps, because who knows? Their contribution could very well be worth it! But, that's just me...

 

I'm unworthy of your praise, KnCA.

 

so you are a MS4???...wait until attending status, you will be in snow bunny heaven...well any bunny heaven...the doctor's coat will hide the stockiness and tattoes

 

Now I know that's not true! I jumped on the chat. If I miss you - have a wonderful holiday...hopefully the hospitals wont be toooooo terrible!

PS - anyone is welcome to chat!

 

I shall meditate on your words of wisdom, O Most Learned Attending Physician!:-D

 

so dont get married or locked down beforehand, unless you find the one...b/c there is a better day for the tatted Ibo...or whatever tribe you are

 

Actually, Efik Doc.

 

You care way too much about what other people think. Stop it.

 

Maybe you should look at how old stuff is before you respond. That was two years old. He is not on here.

 

Was too sleepy to notice.