New Found Attraction -- Questions...

I grew up in an all people of color neighborhood, ww... there were lots of racial issues that came up as a poor white kid as a child, family messed up, etcetera, and there used to be some black kids that targeted me all the time to harass. I don't know if it had to do with my color, or if it had to do with the clothes I wore from the thrift store or my lack of coolness, whatever it was, it created a fear of black people, though by the time I was a teen I made friends with some and it started to fade away...
I never really allowed myself to be attracted to black men; there was one black boy that I was close friends with and occasionally we write or talk on the phone, apparently he had a crush on me but never noticed. We talked about some interracial topics; he thought successful black men should never be with a white women... and he admits its very difficult for black people to be with white people.
I work with all people of color every day, and it's never an issue, but I never really interact with black men; my last boyfriend was part black, and maybe it was because of him (I think so) but I find myself always turning my head checking out black guys, but often times I think that they don't even see me, I feel like they are checking me out way less frequently than white guys or guys of other backgrounds...
So, I'm not sure why?
But also, I've found myself interested in a guy I met on the internet who is black, we've talked on the phone a couple of times and I really like him, he seems interested too, but I'm nervous about the whole "race" question; surely it will come up, he is very much in touch with his African roots and I wonder if he even considers that as an option with me at all, might just see me as a possible "friend" (didn't meet on a dating site at all). So... any advice?
I am finding myself feeling strangely guilty about being interested in black men, it's partly a curiosity thing, not sexually, but relationship-wise, wanting to learn more about the African/African American culture in general... is there something wrong with that? any pointers on how to handle this? I'm totally inexperienced, but very excited about this guy, that I've never met and never even seen a picture of... I like the fact that he is really into his roots and is passionate about things he does...

 

all i can say is that this guy is very lucky..

 

why do you say that??? (thank you)

 

I am at the same IR crossroads that you are on, lapaz. I'm inexperienced when it comes to dating ww and it's hard to tell whether they're feeling me or not. Whenever a ww gives me that "you're hot" look, it's always at a time when I'm in a hurry to go somewhere or she's already in a relationship. On occasions when I do have time to slow down and check out the scenery, I encounter the "I'm afraid of you because you're black" ww. Because of all this, I've made up my mind that I'm just going to play my position and let the game come to me.

My advice to you is that you shouldn't feel guilty about your feelings for bm. I've previously felt guilt about my attraction to ww, and that feeling caused me to have second thoughts about pursuing a woman who was attracted to me. I probably missed out on my special someone. Just because a bm has pride in his African heritage doesn't mean that he will not date a ww. I am just as proud of my ancestry as I've always been before, but the main difference about me now as opposed to then is that I think that cultural exchanges are a good thing and the differences between bm and ww are an aphrodisiac for me. I've learned that there is a difference between racial pride and racial bigotry.

My final advice to you is to recommend that you not treat him as a token and beat around the bush when talking to him. Most bm are flattered when women of other races admit they're attracted to them because bm have been told throughout their lives that they are undesirable. If you and him are already good friends, then you've already laid the groundwork. I'm a bm with a white female friend, and if she were single she could have me anytime.

I hope I've given you helpful advice. Good luck.

Peace.

 

Take Mosiah's advice. You're already on the right path so far.

 

Thanks for the feedback Mosiah... After posting and seeing all these posts about people dating the opposite (bm dating ww or ww dating bm) because they disliked people of their own ethnicity, I got sort of discouraged, as for me it's not about that and I wouldn't want him to date me because he doesn't like bw, actually I would want him to honor and respect bw. But it was good to read your insightful post. Yeah, I'm not afraid of bm by any means and especially not him. He's real.
I still haven't met him yet but we spent hours on the phone last night talking and I found myself having a hard time sleeping because I was so excited by the connection. Of course, then reality kicks in, would he really want to date a ww? What about his family, his little brother and sister? What about his friends? Would they be disappointed in him or feel less trusting of me. No doubt, they probably would initially. At work, a couple of black women hardly talked to me until they found out things about me, and now they act different and more friendly towards me, it's harder to get the trust of black people in general (understandably so) and likely I'm going to say stupid stuff because I grew up white and in ignorance of the racism that other people experience on a daily basis.
I'm not sure what you mean by treat him as a token, I never could, I think he's real special, but I'm not real bold about advancing and I'm pretty shy...
BTW Mosiah, I like the pic you included in your post. :wink:

 

You seem like such a sweetheart, lapaz, so I'm sure that whoever your man is, he's lucky to have you. :wink:

 

I have to admit, i'm very guilty of having that "curiosity" thing going for a long time, but after my brother brought his fiance home (who is white) and after getting to know her a lot better, i find that the curiosity about white women that i used to have has almost totally disappeared. The intrigue is totally gone, the curiosity is totally gone. Is that a bad thing? I don't think so. I'm no longer in that fantasy world, but at least now i'm able to see things for what they really are. She is just like anybody else. She laughs, she cries, she listens to music, she watches t.v., she eats, she farts, she burps, she does number 2 on the toilet, she gets jealous, and the list goes on and on. Yeah okay, she's a white girl, but because i've seen her up close and in person, the easy conclusion is simply that she's just a girl who loves my brother and nothing more. So, if you're curious about black guys...fine, no problem. But i honestly don't think that there's anything special about black guys, and i don't think that there's anything particularly special about white girls. We're all just guys and girls. So if you like the guy, just like him and don't think about it too much okay. I'm sure that he probably likes you too :wink:

 

that's why

and you're welcome

 

I think we have all gone thru this. Just take the internet with a grain of salt.

It is good that you are actually interested in African American culture and not just men. There are lots of great books out there. Start at your library.

 

Mosiah, man why are you having trouble meeting WW? You are such a cool guy, i cant believe that you are having trouble.

did you follow my advice and look at the websites?

www.interracialmatcher.com
www.interracialmatch.com
www.blackandwhitesingles.com
www.interracialsingles.com
www.match.com
www.ebonyandivory.com
www.greensingles.com


if you live in GA, North Carolina, Virginia, TN, Maryland or Florida, Tons of nice WW looking for BM

come on take a shot

 

I love reading posts like this, since anyone who knows me here can attest that I believe in basic, simple life situations. I never will understand how
people ignore the basic instinct of "HUMAN ATTRACTION", and how it differs from person to person. Lapaz, you are going through what alot of us WW have had to experience, in similar, yet different situations. You will probably discover what us WW who love BM have to deal with on a day to day basis. We get questioned and quizzed. We get ugly stares and whispered (or loudly spoken) harsh words. Warnings and lectures, all for making a choice that we made of our own accord ( But do not allow this people to cloud your head with fear again) As you grew in to womanhood, and your justifiable fears turned into learning to see that not just one group of folks are not all like that (There is aggression in all kinds of folks!) You found that you have a attraction to someone that you used to fear. You began to see the world with open eyes, and that my young woman is a beautiful thing! As BRYANT had spoke of how he meet his brothers fiance (who is a WW) and came to realize that there is not much difference. DO NOT feel guilty for having the feelings you are having,
THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING ATTRACTED TO WHO YOU ARE ATTRACTED TO!!!!!!!!!!
As far as your new relationship goes, just keep your mind open to all things new to you, if you really look at it, being friends first might just be a good idea till you get to know anyone, anyway!!!
It's always good to have male friends, and it never hurts to learn about other ethnicity's and cultures!!
YOU ARE ON THE RIGHT TRACK!!! :wink:

 

At least this is all you have to go through for it, LOL.

 

Actually Sardonic...I was just scratching the surface, but I do not like to scare the impressionable minds away. They will persevere when the time comes!! Once you know that something is unjustified, and you feel passionate about it, GOD help the dumb ass who is still ignorant and standing in your space :shock:

 

[x]

 

This thread is an example of how black male/ white female relations are over-analyzed.

 

I was speaking in terms of you being a white woman.

 

I know that that's what you meant, I didn't mean to make it like black men don't go through hell and fire, I know!! I believe you are the strongest mindset of the males that walk this planet. I'm just happy to see that a young female, who originally had a bad experience, didn't hold on to the negativity, and turned it into a positive. Sometimes we forget that we have a wide age range on here, and the young ones are trying to find answers. I Try!!!!

 

I see. Thanks for clearing that up for me.

 

As we grow and develop, we experience different things that often change us, or at least our perspective on things. So as such we are bound to become interested in different types of people. I don't want to marry Christian Slater anymore (as a kid I did after seeing him in Robin Hood Prince of Thieves!). I've grown up a bit since then, and so do we all. I say just go with what feels natural, always follow your instincts...we have them for a reason.