Never been with a Black Man

By far and away my favorite thread.

If I explained why, I'd ruin everything!!!

So, I'll just sit back and enjoy reading every word.

Please pardon my interruption and feel free to bring me back into the conversation if and when I'm needed.

Thanks,

Bronze

 

LOL Bronze! You join in as much as you want....no need to call you in here. Actually....I'm going to bring you right back into this down into this post.

You know Rose...I have a biting thing myself. Ok biting, clawing (even with now short nails)....definitely a primal thing.

Interesting about the screaming in child birth. My children ended up being delived cesarean but I did the pushing thing for 4 hours with my first and I had a tough time not screaming. Ok probably way TMI. I do get what you are saying and I do think it's possible to focus energy and still be screaming.

Personally - yep I'm a pretty big screamer but there is something pretty cool about the other too. Don't get me wrong...9 out of 10 times I'm going to end up throwing it into overdrive myself and go for it.

For me the big thing is to stay really connected and right there and tuned in to one another.

The stifling noise thing ...well I have kids soooooooo. LOL Hmmm I have to think about if I was a pillow biter prior to children or when there weren't any noise concerns. My guess is probably though...cause I notice the biting thing has always been there. Bite the shoulder, neck, maybe ear...bottom lip. I'm good about it though - I don't usually cause damage (ok well not too much!) ...it's more nibbling most of the time. I'm really not into pain. Sure there can be a fine line between pleasure and pain and I'm all for going right up to that line. I'm not into pain for the sake of pain though - ever.

On the whole thing about men being dominant. I like it. Some of the things I've come to realize is how much I like certain things and how important they are for me. I like men who are bigger than I am. I'm 5'4 so that isn't too tough. I know I've said things in other threads about being married to men who were not my type. My type happens to be tall black men who are athletically built. (ok so as much as I hate sweeping generalizations and the stereotype stuff...I guess I have to admit Bronze that I fall into it all too...maybe as my son says sometimes - sometimes stereotypes are stereotypes for a reason!) I have a big thing about intelligence and I like men who are very confident and know fully who they are, and who are consistent in their words and actions. Able to express themselves in various ways and do it well. He has to really love women...I'm not talking about idiots who think they do and say all sorts of things...there is a huge difference between a man who TRULY loves women and others. But of course most importantly - he has to love THIS woman above all others.

Now....dominance....absolutely - but I'm talking about men who are true leaders and capable of leading. I'm not talking about arrogant boys (no matter what the age) posturing and thinking they are men. To me a really strong man who is willing and able to lead is also able to appreciate a strong woman and he knows what that means. There is no need for competition between the two. They each are able to embrace who they are and who the other person is. They are confident in their roles. It's not about surpressing the other person or controlling them. They realize that by really taking care of the woman they are with that they will have everything they want and so much more.

Sometimes when I see the dominant thing I cringe because I often think people are talking about something different. I remember the first black man I was with one time saying something about how I was submissive. I was really shocked to hear that - anyone who knows me well would probably not say that about me. But once we discussed it...the truth is - he was right. I just really didn't see being submissive in the same way he saw it.

Ok Im rambling...just very chatty this week I guess!

 

No K, I see where you're coming from. There are lots of different types of dominance in a guy - some are positive and others negative. The positive can be so mindblowing: a man with confidence, presence of mind, and sufficiency of these to actually nourish, care for and cherish a good woman. The negative can be so utterly destructive: a man who is actually a small boy inside and shows the world the extent of his 'power' by taking someone more vulnerable than himself and destroying them, or damaging them. We see examples of this every day.

Ergo there can be different types of submissiveness: it is so difficult and important for women to choose one that is constructive not destructive. I am equally a submissive individual in relationships, and I like it this way, but it has been a hard battle for me to exert at the outset what I really do want, and not let the man set all the limitations and standards. It's one thing to be submissive AND loved, and another to just be a pushover! It is often hard to find a man who is sensitive to understand the power that you give to him when you say that you want him to take a dominant role over you.

 

Kn, you and Mistress have it down.

There is a very positive dominant man that truly enjoys leading a woman by the hand. And, yes, there is the negative one that I sometimes get into verbal sparring matches with (who thinks he's a tough guy because he wears leather hiking boots).

I'll speak of the former since this is the one I know: I love opening doors for her, leading her by the hand through a crowded room, having her come to me for answers when she can't make up her own mind, taking over when things get a little out of control, buying the groceries, paying for dinner, getting her car started when she cannot, completely and totally dominating her in the bedroom as long and as often as I can, lifting her chin up when she's down so that her eyes meet mine and giving her "support" when she needs it, and often times, just leading the household.

I admit it. I toe the line between being a dominant man and romantic domination. I love to tickle a girl to remind her of who's in charge. I love spanking a girl if it's playful or she does something bad that signals she wants it.

I'll let the mind wonder about the other stuff to keep this R rated.

Yes, one of you said it...or maybe both of you did. Finding someone that loves the opposite sex is absolute Nirvana on Earth.

I love all women (except for terrible bigots). That being said, I really have to be careful. I sometimes foresake my my male friends and I need to stop doing that.

But, I can sure tell I'm straight!!! If I had to choose between going out for a cup of coffee at some cafe somewhere with a lady or a couple of drinks at a bar with the guys, I'd choose a lady over the dudes.

That being said, someone like a Wesley Snipes character or a football player would be cool to hang with.

It's fun to be a dominant, take no prisoners, force her to bite the pillow man :twisted:.

 

Bronze, you are not an interruption. You are such fun to talk with...I think all of us ladies would agree to that!

The domination thing can be tricky at times. I, as I have said before, am in a relationship with a great man who loves to take control in almost every way. It works beautifully for the two of us. It works because I respect him and his accomplishments very much and he feels the same way about me. If I were weak or incapable, then it wouldn't mean too much for him to dominate me. The fact that I am successful in my own right, and typically very independent makes my willingness to submit to him more precious. Our gender roles have been well-defined. That may also be because we are a bit older than many of the posters on this site: I am 45 and he is 50(yikes!!!). The roles work for us and boy, they sure are fun too, although sometimes one of us needs to use a pillow at her classroom desk if she misbehaves too much!!!

 

Rose - I'm 42. Huge shift happened for me at about 34-35 I think that's when I really came into my own and became truly comfortable and confident with myself. With that brought many great things into my life

 

That must be a key thing. It would be so negative to be subjagated if you were already a weak individual - that's just bullying! But there is a relief in being dominated if you have to be strong in many other areas of your life...so long as the guy realises that he has dominance over a normally really strong individual. That's a really big deal.

Uh-oh, maybe I should stop posting my silly opinions - I'm only 23 !!

 

You are just a babe in the woods. Would have never guessed! But, that's ok.

I'm 43. But, My body is 25 (can bench press over 400 pounds and sprint 100 yards in less than 10 seconds).

It really, truly freaks me out sometimes. I think it's an African-American trait (with some people of my ethnicity, not all).

 

MistressB wrote: Ergo there can be different types of submissiveness: it is so difficult and important for women to choose one that is constructive not destructive. I am equally a submissive individual in relationships, and I like it this way, but it has been a hard battle for me to exert at the outset what I really do want, and not let the man set all the limitations and standards. It's one thing to be submissive AND loved, and another to just be a pushover! It is often hard to find a man who is sensitive to understand the power that you give to him when you say that you want him to take a dominant role over you."

True...I think that there are definitely those who misread people very easily. To me it's sortof like when someone thinks that kindness or quietness equals weakness. Because a man is kind and caring or quiet in demeanor certainly does NOT mean he is weak. Conversely...a man who is loud and obnoxious, puffed up and grandstanding may very well be extremely insecure and weak.

Just as a woman who is bright, focused, outgoing, strong and confident - is not necessarily bitch. She may be very loving, kind, and compassionate.

And yes darling MB - you are a YOUNGIN!

Good LORD!

And yes the mind is wandering. I don't know that imagination is always such a great thing :lol: You know we'll all be wanting pictures next! :shock:

Truly the only thing I might miss about my 20's is the body I had. Unfortunately, while I may have appeared pretty confident...I really wasn't truly comfortable and confident with all the parts of myself until quite a few years later. I certainly wouldn't trade who I am now with that body in a million years!

 

Another woman who likes her man to be dominant signs up here Although only sexually, since I am a very proud and independant woman otherwise. I've actually known about my sexual preference since I was 19 (I'm 34 now) and had my first experiences with a fuck buddy I had for 3 years. The sex were some good times :lol:

Unfortunately I've had a really difficult time finding white men who are dominant (have not found any since my fuck buddy ). :? I must admit, that having to tell them how to be dominant is not quite the same thing. I want him to have it naturally - hair pulling, spanking, bondage, somewhat pain, dominance, and the total lack of control gets me going beyond belief.

The black men I've been with.. 2 of them were only for a few nights only, and the last one was not into it at all - "he respected me too much to spank me".. Ehmm okay :roll:

I am dating a new man now, and I have no idea of his preferences within that area - but am hoping of course! We have only had 2 dates and have barely reached the kissing point, although I wanted to rip his clothes off right there on the park bench yesterday when he was sitting talking. Mmmmm He is the first man that I've known who is shorter than me though (I'm 5' 7), but damn he looks good anyways. He's black of course

At one point I did frequent BDSM chat rooms, but I found that the whole scene was too focused on sex only - see, I want the whole thing. The great relationship AND the great sex.

PS. My signature hints at the sexual submissive role too - but am like BronzeSaints girlfriend - I like to provoke to get a reaction :lol:

 

Hey, Bronze, I have noticed much truth to what you say about maintaining fitness and strength to be an AfricanAmerican trait. I hate to generalize, but have noticed this repeatedly. Also, I have noticed a general concern for grooming and appearance also. I was at a teacher meeting a few weeks ago. Every teacher in our rather large, diverse district was there. Every Caucasian man, excluding administrators, was dressed sloppily, in ratty t shirts, flip flops, hair all grown out. Every African American man was neatly dressed, outfits coordinated, nice-smelling...such a refreshing difference. I commented on this to my friend who was beside me and she realized it too. See, it's not really about only looks, but it sure is important to take care of yourself and try hard to be the best you can be. By the way, Bronze, 400 lbs??? Keep up the good work!!!! Have a great weekend.

I have the Steelers tomorrow beating the Browns (of course) by a million, what do you think?!

 

"Unfortunately I've had a really difficult time finding white men who are dominant (have not found any since my fuck buddy ). I must admit, that having to tell them how to be dominant is not quite the same thing. I want him to have it naturally - hair pulling, spanking, bondage, somewhat pain, dominance, and the total lack of control gets me going beyond belief."

EarthAngel, I'm not sure why some white men are not as dominant as I am (or some black men are). That's a tough one to figure out. However, based on observations of some of my white male friends, I can see why you say this.

There are dominant white men out there. But, with the exception of a couple of guys, it's tough seeing them ever being this way.

As for me, I have to admit to loving every second of taking complete control of a woman; taking all of her decisions away and conquering her in the bedroom (and elsewhere :wink: ).

When you can completely dominate a woman in the ways you describe (and in ways I can't mention here) and even insist she wear things and do things in public just to turn you on, do all of this without demeaning her, ensuring that she's having just as much fun as you are having and respect her in every way, then male dominance/female submission can be very, VERY HOT!

She feels as hot as Tiger Wood's wife as I keep coming back for more, taking full advantage of my prey whenever I want (and she is able). Likewise, this works for me for obvious reasons.

And, yes, she loves to start trouble so that I can "put her in her place" again.

It's far from BDSM, however. It's a very natural thing within me that I've had since about 5 years old. She is truly submissive deep inside (I made her discover this).

She is a stone cold bitch at work and when driving a car, however.

Only I can tame her. I'm the only man that ever has.

 

I think a lot of African-American men have a sense that "we must maintain our own fashion standards." It's not all African-American men (you will find some that will wear anything).

But, there is a need within us to look good and smell good (rare colognes), be inventive, create things that are out of the norm of the larger society. It's a way of expressing ourselves as individuals, display our uniqueness.

It's strange that you say this. I've been dressing this way my entire adult life. Women always ask me what kind of cologne am I wearing in the office and elsewhere.

When you look good, you just feel good about yourself and how women look at you. Women like working with you. Even other men will ask "where did you get those shoes" or "I've never seen that kind of business shirt from POLO," etc.

BTW, thanks for the compliment about staying in shape. I've been traveling a bit....So, while I appreciate the praise, I NEED TO GET MY BUTT BACK INTO THE GYM!!!! LMAO!!!!

Also, I don't want people thinking I'm Lee Haney or some super power lifter. The 400 pounds is not on a "free-weight" barbell....rather a machine that allows you to place a lot of weights on it.....that's much safer than bench pressing with a barbell.

Separate point: The Steelers are going to be good this year. They'll beat Cleveland....I don't know by how many points cause Cleveland goes crazy whenever the Steelers show up...but, yes, Pittsburgh should win.

Final point: Your guy must be loving life. Corrupting a prim and proper school teacher, esp. one that has to maintain great respect in public, etc., has to be a HUGE turn on for him. :twisted:

I like this guy!!! LOL!!!

Enjoy the game, Rose.

Bronze

 

Yeah I'm not sure either why .. I wish that there were more dominant men all together, black as white

 

Me too, I like my man to be dominant. I work in a job where I have to be in control and on top of things. So its nice to come home and have my man take control - and that includes me too. Its a way of unwinding. Hes a few years older than me, so that adds to the appeal. Hes also Muslim,so I reckon he also likes to be dominant - though he wouldnt admit to that.

 

That's a great statement! That's something I have always said to my boys. To my girls it's about what type of women they want to be.

I do think there are some clear physical differences whether that's a PC thing to say or not. And I know it's a sweeping generality...but it's also just part of my experience overall - certainly not ALL, but most. Even with my youngest daughter (she's black) physically she's just very different than my other children. My other children may be muscular (they are white) - but it's different.

On the watch out for your sons. Well my boys are white. I have an almost 19 year old and I can see he's pretty clear about things. My 4 year old son...I can see it coming in him too. I think there is just a difference in personality. I do think that some of it is generational, even cellular. I also think a great deal is environmental. My girls (bio and adopted) also had very clear strong personalities very on. Ok so it's probably no wonder...I am their mother.

 

On the dominance thing....just to clarify. I don't think that because a man is dominate in the relationship...more specifically sexually - that it means that the woman never initiates things or gets aggressive.

 

I hope not, that would suck.