Needing Help

Okay I am not normally a person who posts things out in the open for all to read, but I have come across some issues that I am having a hard time handling. I have read and seen where so many woman are addicted to having sex with the black male. And, I as well are one of those women. However, there is this thing..of being owned by a certain black male. To do as he says, when he says it. The needs and feelings of only wanting to please him. I believe I have found that man....however...my emotions are flying a hundred miles an hour. I have been through so many bad relationships in my life...and I dont know if it is the fear keeping me from it. I want him to do with my body what he feels he wants too..but my question is ...is there ANYBODY out there who has gone through this that can help me understand my feelings of wanting complete dominance??

 

Dominance in the bedroom is ok.....but there is a reason to stay sane.
Also don´t let that man dominate ur life.

 

I am not a person who wants to be completely dominated in a relationship. However, I am quite open minded about pretty much everything and I've been aware of these relationships for a very long time. It's generally only shown openly within the BDSM community, but I'm sure these types of relationships exist beyond the super kink crowd.

http://www.teramis.com/kink/nature_of_opr.htm

I found this website interesting, perhaps it will help you. I don't think you'll find many others on this site who are open to discussing this with you if they've been involved in one of these relationships, unless they've just been keeping quiet about it until now. Google is a great source, though.

I would also suggest that you check out Gorean roleplay. A large portion of the text based game is centered around relationships as you've described, and it can be a safe way to fantasize. I've never tried it myself, as I have no interest in it, but I've been on various sites that had large sections of chat rooms dedicated to "Gorean" and "Lifestyle" games.

Be aware that many people will judge you. Most people seem unsettled by this sort of discussion (at least that's been my experience) which is probably why the lifestyle is still very underground. But it's around, and if it's what you really want you can find it. Just be careful. Some people may get it confused and try to hurt you instead. Look into BDSM clubs in your area, and also look for professional Dom/Dommes. They can help you, though they charge exorbitant prices. But a phone call can at least possibly get you some advice.

 

I can help you from the perspective of a male. I once dated a girl like yourself and I don't mind taking control in the bedroom or elsewhere.

Anyway, from what I gather the only real question you are asking is "can you help me understand my feelings?" I'm not sure anyone can really explain exactly WHY you feel like you do but it is in some women's nature to let a man take control to a certain extent. This is fine as long as it is in a reasonable, healthy manner that you are certain you are comfortable with.

Take it from a man, you can be a prime target for the wrong type of man if you're not careful. Don't let your emotions get in the way of healthy reasoning. You claim your emotons are flying at 100 mph and that you are scared. Fear is a natural response to possible danger and it can be irrational or rational.

You need to ask yourself an important question: are you simply afraid because you've been in bad relationships before or are you afraid because you actually sense possible danger or red flags in your current man and don't think you're strong enough to do the right thing. If it's the former then give yourself a break and trust that you now have what it takes to weed out the good men from the bad and that you now have what it takes to better avoid bad situations.

 

Maybe you know "The story of O" by Jean-Jacques Pauvert, it is a tale of female submission about a beautiful Parisian fashion photographer," O", who is blindfolded, chained, whipped, branded, pierced, made to wear a mask, and taught to be constantly available for oral, vaginal, and anal intercourse for her "Master", but also for other men. It is an erotic novel published in 1954.
But despite her harsh treatment, O grants permission beforehand for everything that occurs, and her permission is consistently sought.

But this is a story, maybe a very erotic novel, but it is one. The reality looks mostly different. I´ve seen in our german BDSM Scene several submissive women and to be honest, it was to cry. Drug addicted, desperate and full of fear. The Masters aren´t that nice, polite and charming gentlemen.

I guess you are sitting between your imagination, your phantasy and your logical mind that tells you that it will not be as you maybe wish.

Psychologically (whatever I say now has nothing to do with you, personally) it is amazing that most submissive women have had a bad childhood, but the relationship to their father was better than to their mother. Combined with sexual abuse or rape during their childhood or when they were teenagers, create a mix of "not knowing who is good for me". (Men (father) was an Idol, but men also abuse me). So it doesn´t really wonder that these girls mostly search for the wrong men, it appears that it is more important, just "to find some one, who "seems" to love them".

The only advice I can give you is to experience your female submission, first, in sexual activities under secure circumstances (i.e. privat partys with security guard). Maybe you find a person you can trust there.

It is dangerous- never forget that. Good luck!

 

It´s interesting.. the last years, more and more women (last statistic 81%) ask for that dominant man in the bedroom (and I mean more your interpretation of it) . The cuddling sex seems no longer to be very attractive. The discussion I have many times here is, whether the women, who are able to admit and to experience it, are weak or strong? What do you think?

Great post and very responsible :smt038..unfortunatly I cannot give you rep!

 

I think it can go either way Christine. Some seek dominance because they are weak, because it's all they've come to know growing up, or for one of the reasons you previously stated.

Others are very strong and accustomed to running all parts of their world, so the prospect of not having to do that is extremely enticing.

I suspect it's far more difficult for the later to achieve, given their own dominance in all the other realms of life. When you are used to being the one in control, it takes a lot of trust and faith in the other person to hand that over.

 

I cannot imagine that a person, who is and always was in control can hand herself over in that way, it´s just not her.

You are right, I guess both types of women weak and strong, search that dominance.

The wish for sexual dominance is easy to understand- at least for me. But for sure it has to be limited. Extreme sexual female submission I always admired, because out of my personal experience, if someone hurts me, I beat back, immediatly. I cannot bear it. Those girls feel the same pain and even much more, but they are strong enough, not to get aggressive. Something, I could never do.

 

Agreed. For some people there comes a point where the line between pain and pleasure becomes blurred and the two coexist as one.

 

Let's take a look at what you define as dominance.

Dominance can also be construed as authority.

Authority gives security.

More and more women want the dominant man because they want the security of provision and protection of the heart.

Statistics show this is wired genetics for a woman.

Our society does not promote the dependent woman image of 60 years ago.
Women are liberated.

So I say this new awakening to wanting a dominant man is nothing new.
It is just women finally realizing what they want after being duped so long by the current feminist movement prevailant in the fabric of our society.

It takes a great deal of trust to give anyone authority over you.
Men have abused their authority in the past and women have tried to usurp the man's authority since the beginning of time.

Curb the emotions and engage the brain to earn the trust.
Both of you make a list of expectations of what that dominance will entail.

I believe in mutual submission through respect and love based on the strengths of each gender.
Each couple must find their own balance of mutual submission.

 

this is a quandry for lippy because as much as i enjoy the playful dominance of a man especially in the bedroom...in all other aspects of my life i am in charge...i do not subscribe to any pain other than the sting of a spank...i like the man to be in charge and have his way with me but i would draw the line with getting involved with someone that considered himself a "dom" that would scare me a bit not knowing how far he might push it each time trying to live his fantasy and not mine:smt009