My Mixed Family

The other day my sister (who has been single for a while) called me on the phone and said that she was getting married. I was like okay, that's great! because i've been wanting her to find the right guy for the longest time now. After a little while talking to her she's says "guess what...he's white!" I have to admit that i was genuinely surprised by that because she's always gotten on my case about liking white girls. But that's not even the funniest part, the funniest part is the fact that she "STILL" get's on my case about liking white girls...lol despite the fact that she's now marrying a white guy.

She says the reason why she gets on me about it is because i intentionally seek out relationships with white girls, and that's not how it should be. She says that she met her soon to be husband not because she was seeking out a white guy to marry, but because they just so happened to find each other and fall in love. I totally understand where she's coming from, but i just don't think there's anything wrong with me targeting a specific type of woman that i find attractive. I've mentioned on this site numerous times that i find women of all races to be attractive, but i have to admit that i do find caucasian girls to be particularly attractive for one reason or the other. I think white women and black men can make an awesome pairing (if it's real and not done for the wrong reasons of course :wink, as witnessed by my brother and his wife. Their relationship is unbelievable. I couldn't imagine him with any other person in the world.

My brother, who is only 2 years older than me, married his wife, who is white, only a few months ago. I have a white aunt, a white cousin, a white sister in law, a white brother in law, and i could potentially end up marrying a white woman myself (i have to admit that i really hope for that ). Not to mention my younger brother, whose still somewhat undecided on the types of women that he likes. So out of the six children that my mother has had, four out of the six could potentially end up having caucasian spouses/partners. To me, that is just astonishing, because none of us grew up around a lot of white people. We were really poor growing up, and we lived in the inner cities of chicago, where there weren't that many white people around. We eventually moved to the suburbs, but we were still in an area that was predominantly populated by blacks and hispanics. There were hardly any whites at all. And now there's the possibility that 3 or 4 out of my moms six children can end up marrying a white partner.

My family could be well on it's way to becoming 50 percent black and 50 percent white. Isn't that crazy! I never would have thought. I wasn't alive during the civil rights movement, but if anybody uses my family alone as an example, this country has come a really really long way!

 

Bryant, there's nothing wrong with having apreference, and don't let anyone tell you differently.

 

A-MEN to THAT!!!!, EH, man?

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it is funny with so many interracial relationships in your family that you even have a discussion with any of them on why you chose to be interested in White women...

but it is a topic that we all do end up having when we date IR.

When you end up with someone who lights up your life and shows them how much she is a positive attitude in your life, perhaps their judgments will change and they'll see her as the woman in your life.. not the white woman you were seeking

 

You see Bryant, as the old saying goes, you cannot choose your destiny. I am convinced that you would be the last man on earth to dissent from that maxim. Understandably.

You see, life is funny because sometimes, the things we least expect, desire or foresee are just the things that befall us. You probably have come across people who frequently us the word "never" without ever thinking. I am not one of those persons, because i believe that sometimes, God (and life) loves to mess with our heads just to bring out the philosophical part of us.

Last Thanksgiving, when my fiancee's family came here to Florida, her father was recounting one of his conversations with his wife (Eva's mother) and Eva herself. I cannot remember everything he said to me but there was a particular bit that i just could not but hold on to. He told me, "I always told my daughter never to bring home a black guy, and based on negative experiences with other black men, i misjudged you and was very worried. But i just didn't know at the time that my daughter had found a hardworking, intelligent guy who happens to be black. Now today, you guys are engaged and i would never have foreseen in my existence that any of my children would marry not just a black man, but an African at that. I've already apologised for my first impression of you."

That last comment was the one that struck out to me the most the very night he had that reminiscent conversation with me. Now, i had/have gotten over the fact that he judged me based on the color of my skin and true to God, i've forgiven him. But the mere fact that he said he could never have foreseen his daughter bringing home an African was shocking. And understandably, as Eva grew up in a white, middle-class neighborhood in Los Angeles and went to "white" schools. The only minorities she grew up with were Asians and Mexicans and he did actually foresee her bringing home a Mexican guy but a black guy........ Not in his wildest dream. And that's just what happened.

The point is, we should always be prepared for the things that life throws at us and should alwayd be prepared to reach the bottom of it, rather than find out "why" all the time. In your case, Bry, you might have not foreseen (at least based on all things being equal) that you'd be likely to marry a white woman and your sis to marry a white guy because circumstances would not have allowed you even think about it. (It's also interesting to note that a huge amount of white women who are attracted to black men grew up in majority-white neighborhoods).

Just like my dad too. He never thought we'd marry or date non-Nigerians but alas, he was wrong. Whilst my two sisters are married to Nigerian men, one of my brothers is married to a white Chicagoan and they have a beautiful daughter, my other brother is married to a Dutch woman he met whilst he was serving in a U.S Air Force base in Holland and i am engaged to a Hispanic girl. So you see, life can be the indiscernable, unpredictable, perniciously suprising rollerball that you cannot even dream of.

I think we can tie that into interracial relationships. Because they are still relatively taboo, with the majority viewing them with a suspicious eye, they almost always come under the microscope of the question, "Why". Because many are not comfortable with it, they are compelled to ask and think why any normal person would do it. But there is only one simple question; because they choose to. Whilst there are a number who "seek out" others to fulfil a fantasy, or to embark on an orientation, he vast majority of interracial couples marry, date and copulate for the same reason single-race couples do; love. And because many of us have been thought from the begining that interracial unions are just "wrong", we as humans want to satisfy our human instincts by "going there". In there comes the unpredictable rollerball i mentioned. Because we have dismissed the aforementioned as wrong, nature proves to us that life isn't so bleak afterall.

It's interesting, perception and reality.

 

Damn thats a nice, heartwarming story my man. Good to hear that.

Also congrats to Bryant and his growing family! This is what I like to see on this board.

 

Yeah there are alot of woman in my family that are just like that. They have dated white men but make a big deal over the fact that I (or any black man really) is attracted to or with a white woman.

I just give them an arrogant laugh every time they start on that and tell them ive heard those typical comments before.

My family is pretty mixed too.

 

I have to add to this and say that I come from a very mixed family as well. Maybe it's part of the reason why I feel more comfortable w/ IR relationships.

 

thanx for all of you guys' responses. i created this post because with my family as proof, it's clear to see that this country is really changing. fifty years ago, the thought of a family that was 50 percent black and 50 percent white would have been unfathomable. i also find it interesting that from what i'm hearing, a lot of the men here also have very mixed families. very cool. :wink:

 

i'm in total agreement with bmanz. very nice story cris. thanx for sharing that. :wink:

 

Great story, LC. I'm glad your fiance's father was able to see past his preconceived notions of BM and accept you for who you are. There are a lot of people in this world who wouldn't do that.