Mold and Make

As a father this is one of the hardest things I have to figure out. Lately I have been hearing my father's voice in my head. (sort of freaking me out too) and I can now see how difficult it was; the fine line between molding a man and MAKING a child into what I believe he should be.

To mold or to make. My dad told me you will never know if you are doing a good job until year after the kids have left the house. "But you ain't left yet"

FUCK...I keep saying the same shit to my son, my dad used to say to me...........that got on my nerves. ha ha ha. So I know its getting on my sons' nerves.
















...those of you who's mother's made unwise choices, won't be able to relate. Plus I am just thinking out loud.

 

I wonder if my father ever repeated the things that my grandfather did? I actually said yesterday "You con't get money for doing things you are supposed to do anyway, your allowance is that life that I give you"

...gawwwwwwwwwd my dad used to say that shit ALL THE TIME, and I would walk away muttering "cheap ass" I bet Jr. did the same thign.

"you don't think before you act"
"you need to focus on simple tasks"
"Do I have to start standing in the bath room to make sure your ass takes a shower"
"If you didn't cook you clean"
"If this house isn't cleaned by the time I come back, I'm throwin away everything that you don't need for school or bed"

and on and on and on.

 

My father and I have very different viewpoints about raising children.

HIM--"Children are like clay and your are the potter. You make them into your own creation.

ME--"Children are like flowers ad you are the gardener. You give them water, food, sunshine and prune them. But ultimately, they are going to grow into their own beautiful creation"

 

being a parent (Mom or Dad) - the most challenging & most wonderful thing in the world...I say things to my sons (9 & 6) that my parents said to me.

* when they ask me to buy them something, usually a cheap toy, I say "...you need to get a job, then you can buy whatever you want"

any way, we all (usually) do the best we can...God knows it's not easy (major understatement)

I get a strong impression that you are a great Dad, the fact that you question yourself tells me that you really care & love them deeply...

 

Unfortunately, there isn't a validated instruction manual or fool proof parental guide to raising children. For every book out there advocating one method or group of methods for raising children, there are a thousand more contradicting everything stated and everything we'd do or think of doing. Couple that with our human nature to excel, succeed, and be the best at every endeavor and with our children, the self doubt and conflict and madness kick in.

I'd like to believe that every parent wants only the best for their children and believe that most of us have sworn to not do things that were done to us as children. But as we get older, we find ourselves reverting back to those same things we swore we'd never do.

When you look at yourself and your life and can smile at the man (or woman) looking back at you, for whatever it was that your parents did or didn't do, you've come a milestone and learned something worthy of passing on to your offspring.

The voice of your father has become your own and that's not a bad thing... While he may not have been perfect, however one defines perfection, he aided in raising you and you turned out well. The challenge with your children will always be tailoring your message to the individual child. Too often, we forget and become emotionally wound up and release a barrage at our children that was based in anger, or fear, or some other emotion based on our experiences. Your father endowed you with principles that may have been reinforced elsewhere, but principles nonetheless.

Perfect answers? Always the truth. Perfect children? Love them 24/7 and let them know that your love is unconditional and constant. Maintain your rules. Those rules were influenced by some part on how you were gotten to this point in time. You are who you are and they will become who they feel they are and are destined to be.

The best relationship you can ever have with loved ones is a never ending one.

 

excellent, as usual... :smt023

 

Thank You very kindly Ms Lady (my new nic for you).

I'm just calling them as I see them.

 

My 4 year old loves watching inappropriate anime (basically hentai light) on Netflix but thinks I'm strange for watching Dragonball Z and Power Rangers.

:smt119

 

Browsing around in some old threads, and I came across this one. I really like and agree with this philosophy. To me, my son is a gift from God. He asks me to raise him "in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord" to be the man God designed him to be, not the man I want him to be.