Madonna Adopts African Baby Boy

WWLooking this is a great post, thank you!
I too think that anything is better than the foster home system in the US (although some are working well) or orphanages in less wealthy countries but with all that enthusiasm and good will we can't put aside the fact that there will be many issues when one adopts. Whether that is international or domestic.

 

You're welcome Chi! Obviously...a topic near to my heart.

BTW - my daughter was born in Chicago. Her birthmom lived on the south side. I was out there for her birth. Unfortunately, I missed out on many fun things in Chicago...and I'm really missing the pizza. I had some sent out here in December...of course it just wasn't the same.

 

All children love their parents. That's their instinct. So of course an older child will go through a griefing process with the loss of his/her parnets. And I really believe that most people adopting older children know this. It may take some by surprise that younger children also grief though.

Some adopted children will have problems, just like a lot of "normal" children. People who are not ready to deal with the different problems that may occour is not ready to have children.

I know some adults who felt resentment towards their adopted parents while in their late teens/early twenties. But that is normal for anyone. I hardly know anyone who did not feel some resentment for whatever reason at that age. 10 years later they're over it. IMO it's just a stage people go through.

I get the impression that in the US you almost go out an "buy" a kid (high price for white kid, low price for black kid) then to return it if it has "errors". If so, I can understand your frustration and concern, since some people may think that adopted children are just like puppies- cute accesoir. However, the rules for adopting are not like that here. Adopting parents have to go through years of testing, and they can not pick and choose wich kid to get. Also fees are the same for all children, and as with biological children you can certainly not return them.

You saying that people have told you to be gratefull, also tells me the culture about this is extremely different in US. I now several people (adults and children) who have been adopted, and the only comment I've eard them complain about is "well, then you must have very qualified parents". That comment comes because everyone know about the intensive testing adopting parents have to go through. Statistics also show that adopted children here, on average does better in life than other children. People who finally have been allowed to adopt are extremely motivated, have a healthy economy, and a stable relationship.

When it comes to racism, I know it's much worse in US than here. If you wanna believe otherwise, that's fine by me. Just remember there are not a single black man here on this board who have ever lived in Scandinavia. That racism they meet, they've all met primarely in the US. Two that I know of (on this forum), have been here on vacation though. They haven't mentioned any problems that I can recall. And I think I would have remembered. Of course there are some racism, but as mentioned: those of my African friends (also those who have lived in the US), say it's less here. You said one can see how much racism there is, on how people react to interracial relationships. Ok, I haven't had one truely negative reaction. The closest thing to a negativ reaction was my cousin saying "are you sure he don't have HIV?", which is her being concerned for my wellfare, not a racist comment.

Black, male infants may be the least desirable in the US. Here you can not choose the gender of an adopted child. Just as you can't do that with a biological child. However, you can express your desired nationality, since some parents want to have children that looks a little like them. Interesting enough Etiopian and Chineese babies are by far the most desired ones. Despite there being a lot of white babies available from eastern Europe (especially Russia).

 

Ronja - thanks so much for sharing how things are there. There are definitely many flaws in the adoption world in the US. Sounds like we could take some lessons from your country.

I so agree about the whole thing about children and issues in their teens and early adult years...I think there are some out there who want to make everything out to be because they were adopted.

Unfortunately...yes private adoption has become big business in the US and it can be pretty disgusting. But then also that can exist with International adoption and corruption that goes on with some countries.

I really appreciate your input about how it is there.

 

Yes, there are a lot of corrupted countries out there. When it comes to Africa, most cuntries actually have very strickt rules, but sadly if you got money, you can always do what Madonna did, and bribe your way around those rules. (I guess that's what Madonna did anyway... The adoption certainly didn't follow Malawi laws.)

When it comes to adoption, accidently "buying" a kid is actually my biggest concern. Since I'll probably not go through the normal international channels - because I'm definitely moving to Africa for a period- I might adopt a kid that the relatives sold without me knowing it. However, I think the risk of that happening, can be somewhat reduced by not being too specific in my "demands". If I ask for "a healthy child" rather than for instance "healthy baby girl, age 2-4 weeks, with no known genetical problems in the biological family", they'll probably be a lot more likely to have what I want allready "available". For some countries, bribing can not be avoided though. You can't even get the basic things, like a phone line, without bribing someone to install it.

 

Angelina is just a rabbit spirited woman...

She likes kids! I think everyone is just trying to copy off of the poor woman. Especially that crazy b*tch "octomom".