Madonna Adopts African Baby Boy

What do y'all think about a African baby adoption trend that seems to be forming in Hollywood???

http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2006480223,00.html

The Kid Rasta 8)

 

I think it benefits the child because they get many more opportunities because they are disadvantaged but I worry that they are only doing it for the wrong reasons like publicity or as a fashion accessory....you can't return a baby once you get it and I don't think these people fully understand that.

 

I don't care if the baby's black, white, brown, etc. - she ain't got no business adopting anybody's child. She is unfit to be a mother, and it makes me even more concerned that the baby is African too.

 

I think it is unfair to call her an unfit mother...there are way worse out there. She may not be the best but she can provide any child opportunities they wouldn't normally have had...since none of us have seen firsthand her parenting style and there have been no reports or visits from Social Services(ahem...Britney) I don't think we have the right to call her a bad mother.

 

You must be under the illusion that rich people have no problems. What's the use of providing a child opportunities, when you're going to introduce the child to all of the mess that you get yourself into? I'd rather the child be in a foster home, than to be adopted by somebody like Madonna or Angelina Jolie. Atleast it won't turn to be some sexually confused culturally misinformed ancestrally ignorant adult. A child just doesn't deserve that.

 

I am not under any illusion. Every person and family has problems regardless of money. I think people can raise a child of a different race. Would it be better if a black couple raised this Malawian child without knowing his heritage or Madonna who will expose him to it? Where would he know more about his culture? Madonna does have more money than most people but still some parents no matter what race would not expose their child to their heritage. I think any child who is adopted is given a good opportunity no matter who the parents are. They are given a family. No child show grow up without a family or a place to call home. I think most foster kids would disagree when you say you would rather be in foster care than be adopted by Madonna. How would you feel knowing that at any moment your family or home could change. You are never fully at ease because foster children can be sent back and are changed around. You can't give back a child you adopt. You must give children unconditional love and these foster kids are missing that full family and unconditonal support. Not all celebrity children get messed up....there are many normal people who are stranger than these celebrities.

 

For me, this has nothing to do with her being white. It's about her being a heathen. The woman is not mentally stable enough to be adopting anybody's kids. She's always trying to reinvent herself. She has too many faces, too many split personalities. I truly pity that pour innocent soul. I really do. She's just taking the kid from confusion to chaos.

 

i totally support it.
imo, i think more white women should adopt black babies (more preferably african american). maybe more blacks will grow up to be successful in life that way.

i'm not saying black females should start giving up responsibility but if they can't afford to take care of bastard kids with run-away/prison dads, they should give them up for adoption.

 

^^^ I'm sorry but that's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard.

and I feel as though madonna is just copying off of Angelina Jolie who si basically the only true celebrity who really wanted to adopt. I think Ang truly loves the African girl she adopted and she actually has a reason. Madonna seems like she thinks it's a fad or something. Children aren't toys.

 

Please do not feed into this there are plenty of blacks that are successful, Being adopted by whites does not mean that you will be successful.

 

There are also plenty of unsung blacks and whites adopting black children going completely unnoticed. All the hoopla surrounding high profile adoptions could give the wrong impression that whites are the "sole" or primary group adopting AfAm/African children. Same race adoptions simply aren't featured as prominently. Even a good number of Africans living abroad return and adopt children from their respective countries as well.

 

:idea: Some of you same open-minded & so called liberal people would freak out if upscale and/or rich black folks starting adopting white kids :!: :roll:

 

Who are you talking about?

I know I wouldn't. And I consider myself open-minded and liberal.

Adoption should be about love, and wanting to do something good for a child, not about colour.

Personally, I'd rather adopt an African kid (or an Asian) over a European one though. But that's because I know that they live under much worse conditions...

 

Yeah okay...

 

I have a different perspective on all this. I am a white woman who has adopted a black infant (domestic adoption). I don't know Angelina Jolie or Madonna so I'm not going to comment on how they are as parents. I have taken issue with some of the things that have been reported about the way their adoption processes went about.

What I have noticed is that there are those who are now more intrigued with adopting a black child because of all this. On one hand...isn't it great that there are more people open to adopting black children who need homes? But I have great concerns about anyone adopting any child because they think it might be trendy or cool. And I have seen how little preparation there is with many agencies out there and I have concerns about that. I've been on transracial adoption lists and I've been blown away by how many people think that love is enough and who don't think their child will ever have to face racism. Often they have little to no preparation.

I've seen and learned many things through the adoption process. White adoption is a very different world. The motives can be very different. With white adoption it's about finding children for the families who are waiting. There are thousands of families out there willing to pay more and more and more for that white child. They are more willing to accept drug or mental health situations. With black adoption it's about finding families for children who need homes. It's still a simple fact that there are not enough families out there for the children in need.

Did you know that fees are often much less when adopting a black child?

Personally (and this does come from being an adoptee myself) I am very concerned with anyone who adopts with the idea of "saving" a child. I know this may sound odd to many out there. But that's a heavy burdon to place on a child - aren't you so lucky that you were adopted? No child should be placed in a situation where it's about promoting someone's career or any other twisted agenda (and I'm not saying that this was the case with Jolie or Madonna)

I personally do not have any problem with transracial adoption of any type. Other than foster adopt situations...it's just not very likely that white infants or even older white children would be available to black families. The demand from white families is just too great. Plus it's still true that Social Workers will prefer to place a child with the same race if at all possible....often times no matter how much of a better fit the other family may be.

Adoption is big business...there are all sorts of things that are involved.

I'm going to toss this out there because it often will come up in discussions about adoption. Some will say - well rather than adopting these children in poverty why not support the families instead so they can keep their children? It's a valid point. However, in my case (and many others) it wasn't just a matter of money or some other condition that could be described as temporary. My daughter's birthmother clearly did not want to parent again. She wanted to find the best family possible for her child. She didn't want to be limited by race (btw - there are many less black adults looking to adopt than white). It wasn't all about finding the wealthiest family...it was about finding the qualities that she felt to be important.

But quite frankly...there aren't many options for black mom's looking to place their children. A black woman placing her child may be lucky to have 3-4 families to choose from, whereas a white woman placing her child will have countless numbers of families to choose from.

I have seen a big increase in white adoptive parents opening up to the possibilities of adopting a black child. I don't know if any of that really has to do with the celebrity adoptions...other than maybe calling some attention to it. I think it has more to do with 2 things...1 being that the wait for a child is much quicker or almost non-existent when opting to adopt a black child, 2 the costs can be much less.

Just a little disclaimer here - in my adoption the time and fees were no less based on race. I did a private, independent adoption. Our profile was online and our daughter's birthmom found us. I felt like this was the best way because there were not any social workers or agency people telling the expectant women what few people they could choose from. This way she had the option of speaking to whoever she wished to based on her own criteria.

 

A VERY GOOD POST :!: THANK YOU.

 

I agree with you, if the child has been adopted to promote a career. But I don't see anything wrong in wanting to "save" a child, if the only motive is a wish to help someone. (Of course expecting eternal gratitude for doing so, is mean and stupid.)

Me and my boyfriend plan on adopting in 10 years or so. We'll have 2 on our own first, and then adopt 1-2 more. We want to do so mainly because we want to help. Of course we could just donate money to an orphanage, but adopting can actually give a child a happy childhood. Donating money don't do that.

I must admit I don't worry much about racism. I'm a secondry school teacher, and every day I see that kids here don't bother much about colour. Since society gets more globalized every day, there will probably be even less racism here when my children grow up.

 

Noble - you're welcome.

I know it's hard to understand for those who haven't been adopted about the whole saving thing. The thing is that while many feel they are "saving" a child by bringing them to the US, out of poverty, etc. The child very well may not feel that way. To the child they are leaving everything they know behind. They give up their language, culture, everything. To them it may not be a matter of it being "better" to go to the US. Even for those adopted as infants to grow up hearing how lucky you were to be adopted and how you should be so grateful to your adoptive parents and/or to be held out as different because they were adopted is very tough. And for those who are adopting transracially as some sort of social cause - I'm sorry that's just not fair to the child. I mean we could discuss the idea of well any home is better than no home, but I don't think that quite cuts it.

I don't think it's fair to ask any child to become the poster child for someone's social agenda. I'm not saying you would do this at all...I'm just saying that I see it done way too often.

There are those who seem to think that adoptive parents are some sort of saints (well those people who are not anti-adoption...but that's another discussion) Adoptive parents aren't saints. The adoption world has changed a great deal over the years. Whereas it used to be that many families did just what you are talking about Ronja - adopting children even though they could have biological children, the tides have turned and more and more adoption is about infertility. Infertility is increasing so quickly. With people waiting to get married/start families, etc there are more and more couples who are dealing with it. And then often as a last resort they go to adoption. I think that's also why there are so many waiting for white babies and why the costs have skyrocketed. I mean just in the couple of years I was involved in adopting the fees tripled. But the simple fact is that most people adopt a child because they want to have a child, for whatever personal (and we might say selfish) reason they have.

While you may not worry much about racism and it hopefully does shift...that doesn't mean that it doesn't exist or should be ignored. Part of the conversations that used to go on over on some of the email lists I mentioned is about how so many white parents think the children haven't had to deal with any racial comments or attacks only to find out that the children were or had dealt with things along the way and didn't want to tell their folks. I just think it's important to not put our heads in the sand.

Sometimes too where you will see it show up most is in reaction to interracial couples. I know some have spoken in different areas of things like some of the experiences they've encountered with black women about a white woman being with a black man. There's a whole other aspect involved once a child comes into the situation. But of course with one parent being black it does help with having first hand experience in dealing with situations. I mean I can empathize to some degree being an Italian little girl growing up in mid western and east coast areas that were very anti Italian at the time and I may have black friends around for support...but that's not the same as having a parent or other family member who has lived it.

White moms of black children (both of my daughter's birthparents are black) are looked at much more critically. I know very well how important hair and skin care are.

I think it's cool that you are taking a look at it all now. This way you can explore things over time and educate yourself about it all.

 

If you believe that, you've obviously never been to an average African orphanage... The children there aften have NOTHING! Often they will not even be educated.

For instance I visited an orphanage in Swaziland this November. The children in the wing i visited, were all under 2. There were aprox 20 children there, all sitting on the concrete floor, with absolutely nothing to entertain themself with. There were 3 women working the dayshift. Less on eveningshift/nightshift. While I was there, only one of the children cried. The staff could tell me that she cried, because she had just arrived "they stop when they're used to being here". Since none of them seemed to want to pick the child up, it's fairly safe to say the other children didn't cry because they'd leared that there's no need for crying. Noone will come anyway. They were all rather apatic.

I don't blame the staff. When there's 3 people watching 20 infants/todlers (that means 7! kids each), they don't have time to give them real atention. They're busy feeding them and changing diapers.

Under circumstances like that, it's likely that otherwise healthy children do not develop normally. And the mortality rate is probably high.

And, by the way: That was not even a paticulary bad orphanage!

Why would anyone tell them to be gratefull? Telling an adopted child that he/she should be gratefull for being adopted, is just as meaningless as to tell a biological child he/she should be gratefull for being born. Everyone have children out of more or less selfish reasons, no matter if the child is biologigical or adopted, so if anyone should be gratefull, it's the parents...

To be honnest. Even if a child gets adopted ONLY because of someones social agenda, they're usually much better of being adopted, than growing up where they are.

It doesn't matter if you yourself are adopted. If you've never actually been to an African orphanage and seen how little they have, and maybe even held a little baby with HIV (knowing the child could have a long, meaningful life in the west, but will be dead in a few years where it is)- then you really have NO idea what you're talking about.

Sorry!

Well, I don't know exactly how the situation is in the US, but all my African friends tell me that they feel there is a lot more racism there than here. (Or anywhere in Europe.) I don't find that strange at all, it's only 40-some years since the black-rights movement (that's only one generation!). There are probably still a lot of hard feelings on both sides.

For obvious, historical reasons, we've never had the same racial conflicts as you have. Of course there are prejudices and racism here too, but it apears to be less spread than in the US.

Also, the younger generations are far less racists than the older ones, so the future is looking brighter.

I believe all humans can relate to how racism must feel if they actually think about it. For instance, how many women (of any colour or nationality) have not felt discriminated or harrased because of their gender at least on one occation ? I would think that feeling discriminated or harrased feels pretty much the same for everyone, no matter what the reason for the discrimination or harrasment is.

 

I realize they have NOTHING. I think you are missing something here though. Severly abused children who are removed from their families often are very upset about the loss of their family. No matter how awful the abuse....they love their family or care givers. The same can be said for many children leaving extreme poverty. I'm telling you what I've seen from those who have adopted from these situations and what comes up years down the road. There are many people who were not prepared to have children that may end up resentful. And no matter what anyone wants to think - the fact is there is an incredible amount of loss there.

Absolutely the children who are older and have been in institutions are wanting to be adopted! But to think that they don't have issues of adjustment and often very long term issues would be naive. I know many people who have adopted from just such situations and they will talk about how tough it is for the kids. Often they deal with things such as reactive attachment disorder. Even though many of them have been severely abused in these institutions (and often it is not reported or relayed to the potential adoptive families) the children still have major loss going on. They have the loss of their families and the loss of their community...no matter how bad it was.

Think of how overwhelming it is for someone who knows nothing about where they are going....everything is completely different. They have already lost everything they know. And by the way - it's everything THEY know. Whether it's good or bad, no matter what our opinions about such things may be - it's what they know. So think about all that and then that it's a young child. They don't understand the language....nothing familiar whatsoever.

I'm not saying that the children shouldn't be adopted. Far from it. What I'm saying is that adoptive families need to prepare themselves for what they are getting into. They need to be realistic about things.

Did you know that there are now a HUGE number of disrupted adoptions going on? And the numbes are increasing at a staggering rate. Most of them are international adoptions. Plain and simple...the families were just not prepared for what they were getting themselves into. Many thought they were doing this great thing by adopting this child only to find out that there were many more issues than they ever thought they would have to deal with.

On the being told to be grateful...it's very common for adoptees to be patted on the head and told how lucky they are and how they have such a wonderful family and they need to make them proud or whatever other phrasing. And yes absolutely - if anyone should be grateful it should be the parents. I'm just telling you what I know as an adoptee and what is reported all the time by other adoptees...and by adoptive parents as well.

I get your point about orphanges - you don't know what my experiences have been. But I don't think it's ok to adopt any child for such reasons. Maybe you don't realize how many children are adopted and then abused in their new homes. Or how many are adopted to be placed into prostitution or farmed out to pedophiles. Again....I absolutely think it's best for children to be adopted into good families....it's just important for people to know what they are getting themselves into and for the governments, agencies, attorneys, etc to be ethical. Unfortunately - many are not. To say ANY home is better than no home is just not true. (I realize you didn't say this...it's just something that is often said)

Racism issues - I will default to the black members of this board and the threads they have discussed this in. Personally, I don't think many white folks can truly relate to what it is to be black (especially a black male) - in whatever country. While I've dealt with all sorts of discrimination in my life...I would never try to say I really know how it is for others. I just don't think my experiences scratch the surface in comparison. I think we can sympathize...but that's much different than truly knowing what it is and how to help a child deal with it. I just think it's important to be honest with ourselves. I know what my shortcomings are and therefore I look for assistance with them.

Just another little tidbit....in the "adoption world" black male infants are considered least desirable - did you know that? I was appalled to learn this. I was not aware that there was a clear racial (and gender) heirarchy. It blew me away.

Again - I think it's great you are planning to adopt in the future and that you are so open to exploring it in advance!