LOVE or HOME WRECKING??

New York Times put a piece out on a couple who recently got married. The article is about how they got together and married. Apparently both the bride and groom were married before and they were having an affair with each other and they finally told their spouses got divorced and married each other (the 2 cheaters divorced their spouse and maried each other). This what the bride stated

"'The part that's hard for people to believe is we did have an affair,' Ms. Riddell said. 'I didn't want to sneak around and sleep with him on the side. I wanted to get up in the morning and read the paper with him."

New York Times got blasted for putting a story like this. What are your thoughts on this? Would you do something like this? Let say you are in relationship and the other person is in relationship as well, would you start an affair with that person if your heart is telling you she/he is the one?

 

No, I wouldn't start an affair. I would first figure out if there was something missing in my marriage to make me look at another person in that way. If it's not something that's fixable, then I'd get divorced before I pursued anything with anyone else. And I would expect the same from the guy (as is the case with this story).

 

both my parents had affairs during their marriage. my mum left my dad for her bf who was also married. this was in 1987 and both my mum & her significant other are still together.

my side of the story...after being dragged through my parents childishness and selfishness, seen the destructive nature that affairs are, i would never under any circumstances have an affair, especially as i have children.

 

They both said they realized they had feelings for each other, decided they wanted to move forward with it, and promptly decided to do the honorable thing and end their marriages before they took another step.

I say, good for them for knowing when they are where they're not meant to be and realizing that the best person they can be- and the best parents they can be- are the people they are when they aren't with their original spouse. No matter what the reason, they didn't sneak around on the SO's from what I understand, they got a divorce (and there's no additional information on what efforts they made to save their previous marriages, etc...).

 

When passions are running high enough, anyone can do anything. An extramarital affair is kiddie stuff compared to what else a person can do once their passions get the better of them.

 

No and no.

 

No. I *think* with my head, not my heart. Marriage is serious business to me. The stats on second and subsequent marriages are not positive.

 

True.

 

This is also telling of ways people conceptualize cheating.

Many times the first type of cheating that springs to mind is infidelity, and not the other types. You can cheat on your history test, taxes, or on a variety of other fronts but sharing your intimacy around gets branded as the ultimate no-no. This is because there is stronger expectation that we shouldn't cheat on our wives or girlfriends, as opposed to cheating in poker, lying on our taxes, or in the preparation of our resumes.

It all seems rather arbitrary . . .

 

I feel the same way...

 

I find it *interesting* that people completely neglect the possibility of someone who cheated on their previous partner with them doing the same in their relationship but like I've said in other threads, the only moral problem I have with cheating is the suffering that it causes. Lying or breaking a promise, in and of itself, is neither good or bad, only the happiness or suffering that an actor has reason to believe their action will cause others makes any decision ethical or unethical.

If I had an affair, I would not tell my partner, before or after we got divorced. I would not have an affair with a married woman if I thought her partner might suspect/find out or be indirectly harmed by our affair in some other way.

 

I know it's controversial, but... love is love... you can't help who you fall in love with.

It's not ideal, but it's LIFE.. And this cut and dry, black and white view of 'once you're married you should never even THINK about another person, otherwise you're a BAD PERSON' is just uncalled for. You can't judge a situation until you're in it, and I would be interested to know how some people who are so vehemently opposed to it would really feel if they fell in love outside their marriage.

"If I had feelings for another person I would leave my marriage before I pursued anything"..... yeah, all good in theory, but not sure if this ever actually happens. Most people aren't going to leave their marriage without knowing for damn sure that what they're pursuing is real.

 

You never know the dynamics in a relationship and how things are changed and altered over the progression of time.

Obviously something drew these folks together despite what was at stake in their own personal lives.

With that said I think you have to check out of the relationship early on, I guess the question is where is the dividing line between the old relationship and the new one starting up. Sometimes things take on a life of its own and we get caught up in the moment and ignore the bigger picture of consequences.

 

I'm sorry but life is about making decisions which will not be harmful to other people and no amount of semantics would justify cheating on your spouse.I think it is very selfish on the part of whoever is cheating because if you think with your head instead of your heart you would do the dignified thing by separating yourself from your spouse before you sleep with the other person.I am not judging anyone who does that but admit it is wrong and do not try saying that is how life is because it's NOT. The moment you decide to cheat on your spouse then clearly there is something missing and your conscience should tell you to break off and be with your new found love instead of staying with your spouse and blatantly deceive him or her.It's just not right.