LOST IN TRANSLATION

De bobo himself! Man must release de madness somehow now. Abi?

 

Wow, I'm glad I checked back in with this Thread as I see some women have joined it and offered their very profound comments. Thank you ladies.

My wife and I have found some really helpful books on this topic. We were out exploring one of our local Bohemian neighborhoods when we came across a little bookstore called The Big Blue Marble Bookstore in Manayunk, PA - which is here in Philly.

I don't know how many of you are in Philly but if you are close, I would suggest visiting one of the many events that are held at the bookstore. For example, check out the one below...

Friday, December 8, 7:30pm.
Color Him Father with Valerie Harrison. In sharp contrast to the prevailing portrayal of African-American fathers as absent, unemployed, unreliable, and unavailable emotionally, this collection of childhood memoirs recounts touching tales of men who exhibited extraordinary integrity, strength and dedication, and often in the face of seemingly insurmountable challenges. The uplifting tome was the brainchild of two attorneys, Stephana Colbert and Valerie Harrison, who edited the book as well as contributing entries of their own. The text consists of three-dozen heartfelt reminiscences by successful African-Americans about the generally unpretentious male role models who made a difference in their lives.

I'll list the titles when I get back home as I am in Pittsburgh right now with my 16-year old.

Peace.

 

Lucifermorningstar,
:lol: Thanks for the warning! Im a nurse myself.

 

Since we have some new members I decided to revive my personal favourite thread of all times (it opened my eyes) just in case someone has more input

 

I am SO glad you did, b/c I see myself in these posts and this is exactly why I started coming to this forum. I am also the woman who has been described here again and again. white, middle class, raised in an all white area, and though I was taught about racism I never experienced it. Even my college was predominately white. I'm dating a BM for the first time now and he really opened my eyes to how naive I am, and how I have walked around with rose colored glasses on most of my life.

We have talked openly about race and his experiences as a black man. I question him a lot b/c I want to know 'where he's coming from' when he makes some of the comments he does. And that's why I'm here, to talk to other people who have been down this road and can help me shorten my learning curve!

It's funny, one post was talking about putting WW in a minority situation and that happened to me for the first time about 8 mos ago, before I started dating my current man. I went to see a speaker who was talking about a discrimination issue, and when I got to the door, out of about 50 people, 45 were black. It stopped me dead in my tracks. I felt so intimidated and out of place. I walked in and sat down at the table of 5 whites in there and immediately felt like such a chump for doing so. But I think about that experience often when we are out together and realize he is living his life with such courage and poise, and it amazes me. It makes me realize even more what tremendous character he has.

I empathize with the wife who tried to help her BM see how his experience wasn't racial, and then came to find out it was. I don't want to believe that people can be so hurtful, I want to believe that if he would open his mind he would see that things happen for other reasons. However, his explanations and experiences have shown me that he isn't just sensitive, and there are plenty of people out there with unkind agendas. It makes me sad and angry to think that he might go his whole life having his race thrown in his face as if it's a negative. Imagine, going thru every day having to remind yourself that you are at the very least equal to the very people trying to keep you down.

I am unsure how to handle introducing him to my existing friends and family sometimes. It seems silly to pre-announce that he his black, as if this is something they need to mentally be prepared for. Yet on the other hand, I really haven't talked about dating outside my race with any of my friends and family, and though I would like to think their reaction would be positive, I am not for sure. The party I want to protect here isn't them, it's my man. I NEVER want to be responsible for putting him in a situation where he is uncomfortable b/c of race, it would break my heart.

I have a daughter. Sometimes the cold, analytical part of my brain speaks up and says being with a BM is going to make things hard for her sometimes, too. Every person who is a parent understands the fundamental instinct to protect your child from every hurt possible. So I am not just making this choice for myself. But I really feel that the positive experiences, energy and love that he could bring to us would outweigh the negative experiences we could avoid if I didn't see him.

When he first asked me out, my first thought was 'that is the most attractive black man I have ever seen in person in my life!' (Ladies, he is gorgeous, tall, muscular but kind of slim, mmm - and to be truthful, he is the most attractive man I've ever seen in person, period) But after a few conversations my thoughts don't focus on his race, more on his intelligence and humor. Even though we were raised differently, I hope that someday I can learn enough about him and his experiences to be on the same page and be the person he needs by his side.

Thanks, Chigirl, after getting that load off my chest I might finally get a good night sleep!