Let's Talk About Chemistry!

OK, I got up the nerve to start a thread! :smt038
It's a question I've been pondering for a while now.

I would like to know what your view points are on Chemistry!
A few questions to consider.

1. - How rare is chemistry?
2. - How important is chemistry?
3. - Is it likely to come later on if not there at the start?
4. - How does it make you feel?
(And please say more than "hot" or the equivalent)
5. - On a scale of 1-10, where does it rank in choosing a life long companion.
6. - Do you find it stronger outside your race?
(That may not be a fair questions considering the name of this site.)
7. - Do you date people with whom you do not feel chemistry right away?
8. - Can a relationship last if there is no chemistry between you?
9. - Is chemistry the same or is there more at certain times, or with certain people?

 

Pending on one's interests it can vary from easy to hard.

It is very important for me.

From past experiences, it will grow as the relationship blossoms.

Having someone with the same thought patterns as your self is like finding a best friend and, lover all rolled up into one. Some will go as far as saying soulmate.

It holds the highest regard to me.

Speaking from past experience, it is not a race issue. It is how one sees the world. How one is raised, their wonder years, and teenage life will play a role in their decision.

We shall remain friends only. If we date it is strictly platonic. A luncheon date is a prime example. I can enjoy ones conversation as a friend.

Absolutely not.

Chemistry varies pending on what one's interest is. That interest will vary on the person in which he or she feels is most valuable when looking for their ideal partner.

Cheers!

 

When people say chemistry, I assume they mean physical attraction. Yes, mutual physical attraction is absolutely necessary for a relationship to work. However it doesn't always happen instantly. It took me a while to fall in love with my boyfriend. I really didn't notice him for months... until I no longer could ignore those eyes... those dark eyes piercing me to the bottom of my chest... and I couldn't run. Then I looked at him too... and saw how hot he was. I've been attracted to him for 2.5 years and the feelings are not going anywhere.

 

My take on chemistry...

1. - How rare is chemistry?
I think that it is rare and comes into lives of each of us when we least expect it.....
2. - How important is chemistry?
I feel that it is very important, why be around someone if you dont have that special feeling?
3. - Is it likely to come later on if not there at the start?
I think so, getting to know someone before advancing into the next stages allow us to see what we are up against...once we are more comfortable we can really see them for who they are. We all been with people that appear to be someone in the begining but are monsters later on....
4. - How does it make you feel?
I get butterflies and a very strong desire to want to be near them....enjoy them anywhere at anytime of any day....
(And please say more than "hot" or the equivalent)
5. - On a scale of 1-10, where does it rank in choosing a life long companion.
9-I don't want to be around nor allow someone to get close to me emotionally when I dont have that internal flame for them...
6. - Do you find it stronger outside your race?
Others may find some secret squirrel chemistry with me, but I can usually feel people out pretty well ahead of time to know if its gonna be a waste or not.....
(That may not be a fair questions considering the name of this site.)
7. - Do you date people with whom you do not feel chemistry right away?
I did one time and he was a good man overall but had some issues later on in the relationship which really pushed me away....The chemistry grew after a few months ....it was a good learning experience...
8. - Can a relationship last if there is no chemistry between you?
Absoultely not, unless you are one of those that become "just satisfied" and have a low self esteem.....its a gosh darn waste if you ask me!
9. - Is chemistry the same or is there more at certain times, or with certain people?
Chemistry is different with everyone each of us interact with....as I stated before each person brings something to the table....I think that if a women can be herself from day one of a realtionship and allow herself to grow to a better person with each day that passes, that is a good women, same goes for men. I think that often many of us confuse chemistry with lust or think that we love someone when in all actuality we be just settlin for anyone or anything.....to be true to ones self is the key to any successful relationship...if you cant love thy self then how the fuck can we love anyone else....a good relationship should have chemistry coming out of its pores......those are the couples we see that radiate love and lust and happiness....

 

Assume

I dont think I assume physical attraction when talking about my above passage.....now thats something all different......

 

Thank you all for your input, I do think I want to clarify what I mean by chemistry though, for the discussion.

By Chemistry - I am referring to an unexpected, something that you cannot put your finger on, that makes you feel amazing, and wondering what it is.

Example 1. - You see someone you've never met, your eyes meet, and for some unknown reason, you can't pull your gaze away, it's like there's a strong magnet between you both pulling you together. You leave wondering if you'll ever see that person again, and what it was that attracted you. You may find yourself fantasizing about a relationship with them. You may experience pure lust at that point, but I'm not talking about something that started with lust.

Example 2. - You see someone you are friendly with whom you have known briefly, but not well, and all of a sudden something takes you to another level, maybe you give each other a friendly hug, or handshake, and there is some sort of a "lightening bolt" that goes through you. You are so shaken you can't breathe, you can't think, you may go weak at the knees or start to stutter. You leave wondering what just happened, knowing there is something that will have to be considered in the future if you will continue to see this person. (Again this may translate into lust, but did not start there.)

Example 3. - This "chemistry" is so strong that even though you may know a relationship with said person may be self-destructive, you consider it anyway. Maybe you are married, maybe they are, maybe they have an unhealthy lifestyle, etc... (You find you rely heavily on your moral standards to keep you from falling into the relationship.) (Or maybe you go for it, and suffer the consequences.) I sometimes think this is what keeps women with men who beat them, or brings men to say about an affair, "it just happened."

Maybe that makes more since, I was not talking about simply a mutual attraction, this is something much deeper, and maybe caused by pheromones or something even deeper than that.

 

Yup. I won't go through all ten of your questions, but I will definitely agree with your three definitions here. That gaze, where your eyes meet? It's like someone could walk into the imaginary line between your eyes and theirs, hold up their hand, grab the imaginary line, rip both people's eye balls out because their eyes are literally connected. The kind of chemistry where the laws of attraction apply, and the more you think about them the more they think about you, and you begin to daydream about what it would be like to kiss them or touch them...and then you pass by them in person and your stomach isn't just full of butterflies, but full of that little jumping blue icon guy on the similie section over there. If you actually physically touch that person, it's like the whole world stops. You don't care who else is in the room, you don't care who's watching you give each other glances from across the room. If it's really there, it's almost like a literal electric shock that you both can feel. You KNOW that it's not the best decision that you make, but you make it anyway because the chemistry that YOU are speaking of is chemistry that physically can't be ignored. I get it. But the problem is, the outcome will be amazing, or the outcome will be horrible. Either that chemistry will continue after you make that decision, or you will realize that the chemistry was really all you had.

Do I need it in every relationship? I guess not, because it's only been there once, and that wasn't with my ex-husband.

 

Here is a perfect example how the human mind varies from person to person. I would class that as physical attraction. Having not known me, you can only be attracted to the physical attributes I offer. I could not see it as no more than physical attraction for the infatuation stems from only ones outer shell.

For me chemistry, amongst two people is far beyond being how one presents him or her self in society. It is the inner twinning of two minds working together far beyond what drawn them together in the first place………………. Physical attraction.

I’ve encountered numerous girls with the same feeling as you describe. They will basically do anything for you if need be. Upon asking them what is it that they find so fascinating about me it is only based on my physical features. They do not know me from a mental aspect so it is rightfully so they cannot say why they are fond of me as a person.

Again, I see that as physical attraction. How a person touches you can trigger such feelings. It is more so when you are secretly attracted to the person yet, refuse to admit it to yourself. So, any means of affection can trigger what you described above.

That is Guilty Pleasures in my opinion. :wink:

Your three examples are definitely not what I would consider chemistry. As I said at the beginning of my reply, “Here is a perfect example how the human mind varies from person to person.” This is why dating is not as simple as one might assume.

Cheers!

 

What about, if there is a person whom I find attractive and even like the way he thinks, we are friends, but if he tries any kind of romantic advances, I can actually feel repulsed? Do you think this is a lack of physical attraction? I have noticed this often with white guys.

Because if that is all it is, then I definitely am not attracted to very many people. Maybe there have been 3 or 4 in my lifetime.

I have thought I was physically attracted to others, yet there was no where near the intensity I describe above. (I thought he was cute, he made me nervous around him, by what he would say or do, etc...) I know some who marry without that intensity, they seem to have good marriages, but I wonder about their sex lives. Does that set them up for a failed marriage? Since they could be so intensely attracted to someone else?

I have wondered about this for a long time. I had some chemistry with my ex-husband, but no where near what I feel now for my bf. Where does it come from? This guy is black, but I couldn't say his color attracted me, he is also very muscular, and I had always before been attracted to thinner men. I do know that I have NEVER felt that "chemistry" with a white guy. Even though we may have flirted, and I did feel attracted to him in some ways. I may even have dated them had the opportunity come up. We had a lot in common, but it never went anywhere.

As to being willing to do anything under the influence of such a strong feeling, I can sure understand that, but I do find that inner convictions, and a strong belief system, can save a lady in such a situation. I do feel that way about my current bf, but will not allow that to carry me into a fatal relationship. I stayed with my ex far longer than many women would have done, and in part I do blame the chemistry, I have learned a good lesson, and I will not do it again.

I think chemistry is important, but not infallible, and I search to know him better each day, mentally, spiritually, and personality, I look for qualities I can admire, and respect. So far I have found a number of those. I also look for personality quirks, and faults, and I check to see if I could still be happy if I lived with him like this. Because I feel I should never want to change him, if I can't love him like he is, then I need to let him go, for both our good.

 

You can be attracted to someone from a mental aspect and not physical. That happens many of times with people.

Finding the right person is never an easy task. It is the main reason why the more you date, the better you'll know what you want. Knowing and assuming are two things many have difficulty understanding when they don't date very often.

Please read what you just wrote. You didn't mention anything about the blokes personality nor character. You mentioned his skin complexion and physique.

The chemistry you speak of is physical attraction.

That sounds great. However you didn't mention "personality quirks, and faults, and I check to see if I could still be happy if I lived with him like this." You said, "This guy is black, but I couldn't say his color attracted me, he is also very muscular, and I had always before been attracted to thinner men." Are you sure there is more to this than physical attraction which may stem from some type of guilty pleasure?

Most Women I hear boasting about a guy will always mention some type of mental aspect they find attractive in addition to physical appearance in the same sentence.

 

Yes exactly.

I have noticed that often buried within your posts you can make some quite insightful posts about women. Maybe, in real life you observe what is happening around you quite a bit I'd say. A good trait in itself.

Even me with the longer hair/dreadlocks, I didn't mention it in my first post but I think it is, in part, because I associate it with a relaxed or creative attitude and though I know logically it could be within many guys who look differently. For the same reason, I observe the way the walk and move. r

 

I'm exploring here the importance of that initial intensity, call it what you may, and whether or not that is essential to a good long term relationship. I certainly do not think it could be the only factor a couple has going for them, it would certainly have to grow into a lot more, before I would consider a real comittment.

I really like your input, you have made me think more about it. I'll probably have more questions tomorrow.

 

Cheers Leksola.

I've been told I'm observant numerous times from people I rarely know. I just tend to look at things from every angle imaginable.

Fair enough. If I left you wondering that was my motive.

 

Is this why you go by "Complex"?

 

sometimes chemistry is mistaken for lust

a guy can screw your brains out but that isn't always chemistry....chemistry is when you have that deep connection regardless of the sex...sex is the (for lack of a better term) cherry on top.

Attractiveness may be important but it is also one of those things that people aren't willing to compromise on....people are too often willing to compromise on integrity, honesty, faithfulness etc.

 

I can see how chemistry could be mistaken for lust, or turn into lust. My question to you Chosen, is how would you define chemistry? Do you agree with Complex that it is physical attraction?

I had always thought of physical attraction as being based on visual attraction, but I am beginning to see his point. Perhaps that connection is indeed physical, although not based on a visual thing.

Would you compromise on attractiveness (I don't mean total sacrifice, just not your ideal) , if chemistry, integrity, honesty, faithfulness etc.. were there?

 

Well put! :smt038

 

Tinker bell,

I would imagine our differences when defining the word “Chemistry” using the opposite sex as the subject at hand, is what kept this topic alive. Surely, if I were to say, “Tinker bell, I agree whole heartily on you view of chemistry” our conversation would have ended on page one.

My Motive

What I offered to you was a different point of view in which, made you stop and think for a moment. I never took it upon myself to promote my opinion over yours. I merely paralleled both of our opinions so you could compare the two.

Cheers!

 

And I thank you for the great discussion.

I didn't think however I had offered a view point, just questions. Well, guess I did have a vague description of what I think it may be, but that is just why I have posted this thread, I think it is an interesting subject that we know too little of.

Tell me what you think of this, I can't find it now, but I saw a commentary on TV some months ago, about a test that was done. I think it was on the Discovery Health Channel.

Evidently, as best I can remember, a number of ladies of different races were asked to smell a bunch of sweaty t-shirts that men of many different races had been wearing while working out. They were asked to tell which one they thought was the least offensive, or the one they were most attracted to.

Everyone (both men and women) had their DNA tested first, and the ladies invariably picked the t-shirts worn by the men who were the most different from themselves, and were repulsed by the ones with the DNA most like themselves.

I wonder if this may play a part in the stronger attraction between some ww and some bm. From the descriptions on this forum, I'm not the only one to have experienced something phenomenal in this. One guy called it, pure kinetic energy, which I think describes it perfectly. It's a chemistry so thick you could cut it with a knife.

I've also noticed a sort of negative chemistry if certain people get too close for comfort. No reason, not a person I know, or not a person I particularly don't like, just some people. (In my case they usually end up being wm, although there have been others.)