Is a monogamous relationship/marriage realistic?

I have been monogamous most of the time and my boyfriends as well.

I dont think we are made for this, but it is a question of choice.
As I dont want my man to sleep around - I dont sleep around.
as well, his compliments and love are enough to make me happy 24/7.

 

yeah the concept and beliefs still exist but thier hard to find because truely faithful ppl are the last of a dying breed,lol

 

How do we know ? Who's to say that Adam & Eve ever existed ? Just because whoever wrote the bible said so does not mean they did.

Religion as a whole (IMO) was put on this earth to control people and make them believe in something and make them fear something. Some (and I don't mean you personally Tinkerbell) have been brainwashed completely by it.

 

If one is going to decide whether or not humans are monogamous animals, one have to look at how it would be in a natural state, not how it is in an unnatural, modern society where you can make money sitting in an office all day while your children are in daycare and where birth control is plentiful. How we live now is not how we, as species, have lived most of our existence.

I believe we are indeed supposed to be monogamous for a lifetime. We give birth far too often to change partners. If a woman gives birth every 2 years, it means she's always pregnant or has an infant, as well as having all her older children, of which one is always still just a toddler. There's just not enough space between the kids, for there to be a suitable time for the man to disappear.

I am not saying that being monogamous guarantees happiness. I'm just saying I believe that's how we're intended to live.

 

bulshit

I believe some societies could easily handle monogamy but in the west????...nah..... we literally have selfishness ingrained at the very nature of our being. Polygamy cant work either,,,though,,, due to identical reasons.

But which one is better??...mono or poly??.....thats the question

Most would claim that monogamy is in some respect better, and it should be the spread footing foundation of society....but personally, i dont buy that.....

The main reason society opposes polygamy is because it fucks with the psyche/ego/self esteems of its residents. As in, people will feel less secure about themselves if their loved ones began fucking everyone else....but why????

I believe if polygamy was the main road of a society, many people, especially these women, would have to change their ways in terms of the bullshit many of them project in monogamous relationships...Like the act of with-holding sex to get their way,,,,manipulation, cheating, crying to get thier way etc.

I dont believe in cheating on your g/f per se, however if she withheld sex from you......you'd have to cheat...which is the incitement of the problem.

All that guilt consciousness some men possess after cheating within the cage of monogamy will be completely obsolete in a world of polygamy

 

Well, Thank you, for not meaning me personally. But you see, I do know that Adam and Eve existed, you see, I am fully convinced (that's as close to knowing anyone can get) that the Bible is the True and infallible Word of God, and it has been proven many times to be a historically correct document, and it is amongst the oldest of written documents available to mankind. Now if you don't know that, that's OK, you can always find out someday.

Wow, you hit that one on the head.

What would the men feel if it were the wife who had multiple husbands? It seems your arguments are very male oriented.

A truly polygamous society would have to accept it from men or women, and they would have to accept it simultaneously also. Sounds to me like what we have in America anyway, most of the time, when folks shack up and don't get married. So why change society, just don't get married, and in essence you are accepting the possibility that your g/f or b/f may at any point chose to be unfaithful or leave you for someone else.

Only in marriage can you have any real expectation that there is supposed to be a commitment to monogamy. Just another reason why I chose not to be sexually active with someone to whom I am not married. Until that legal contract is made there is no real expectation of fidelity! Even then there are scum bags who do not honor their contracts.

 

A piece of paper does not create or sustain monogamy. Monogamy comes from a persons character and their word.

 

I'm not trying to argue religion with you, Tink, so please don't take this that way. This quote just reminded me of a discussion my mom and I had over Christmas.

The italicized statement in particular is what reminded me of it, because my mom said something similar.

As I told her, the thing about the bible is that it's not the original. It's been edited, things were added, things were removed, over the centuries. Now, not questioning your faith, but how is anyone to be certain that the edits done to the bible over the years truly was the will of God? I've heard of a lot of people claiming to be serving the will of God...Like Andrea Yates, for example.

Human beings are fallible. We've proven it constantly throughout history. Some of us are just plain crazy. Not saying that some of the bible is what it's supposed to be, or maybe even all of it, but I personally can't trust that it's completely, 100 percent true just because of it's age. There'd be more older books around if people didn't go around burning them back in the day.

 

People may often "claim" to be serving God, but God himself said he did not know many of those who make such claims. But here is a web site that will answer your question if you are really interested.
http://www.greatcom.org/resources/reasons_skeptics/ch_03/default.htm

 

*ignoring the religious parts*

It's quite easy to say that I believe this or that, but the fact is, and we all know this: Most Human beings have more then one partner during a life time. If not influenced by conservative ("narrow") values, not allowing for more then one, most people do. Also a very high number cheat on their partners.
If we were truly monogamous, we would find ONE partner, and stick to that one, and if it didn't work or the partner died, we would never meet a new one.
Since this isn't the case, we are not monogamous in the usual sense.
We are (most likely) social monogamous, but sexually polygamous.
But, just like we can choose to be vegetarians, we can be sexually monogamous.

But it's not something that is a natural part of us in that way. If you look at proto-societies like the bonobos, sex is used for a variety of other reasons the reproduction, social bonding is one of them, and we use it in the same way.

There's also human societies where the woman has sex with as many as possible, so that no one can no who is the father, thus no one wants to harm the baby, it might be theirs.

There are polyamorous groupings. There is monogamous swingers..
I don't think that any one can say "the human is monogamous, we were inteded for one person only".
Because it begs the question: Why aren't you still married to your first boyfriend then? If we actually were monogamous, we wouldn't cheat, we wouldn't break up, we wouldn't ever have sex again after a separation.

So... Ok, you might think it is possible to have a monogamous relationship, but you can't claim that it's in human nature, just because you want to.

 

Polygamous relationships when i see them allways tend to fall in favour of the man, that tends to piss me off, there is a few ive seen on TV that go on in Brit they are all beneficial to the man.

Even polygamy tends to leave women at the wayside.

Ive changed my mind i will practice polygamy IF! i can have 4 hot HUSBANDS who wash, cook, clean and sexually please me.

 

WOW, we can actually agree it is a CHOICE!!!!

I never said it was in human nature, human nature is inherently flawed ever since the fall, I said it was in Gods original plan. You know, in the "religious" part you ignored.

 

Oh but my dear, its not about not knowing its about not buying all that bullshit that's been fed to society by the brainwashed religious freaks.

 

Or maybe it's about not buying all that brainwashing they do in school that teaches people to believe in evolution, and the absence of a Loving God who Created all things.

 

Institution of Marriage

Hi csbean,

No one has addressed the problems that led up to what you've experienced so far so here goes.........


With society the way it is now being way different from the values this nation has had say in the 1950's for example it is really hard to find someone who has your ideals(Good Character,etc).

Dating nowadays is training young people to practice divorce before the real thing. I personally like being friends first with a lady for a time without getting attached or rather dating seriously since marriage is a long term commitment. To those who don't consider marriage long term then it is not for them. Besides, getting to be friends first lets one know if you like that person and their quirks(smelly feet, scars,quick temper,etc.) That man or woman is a package deal and trying to change someone who is already say 33 yrs old isn't going to happen overnight and probably not at all.

For me being truthful about where I'm at as a person and if I can live with what I may perceive to be flaws despite good qualities in my significant other in a woman is a part of what I look for (in addition to looks, personality,etc.) knowing that I will have to live with my decision in marriage for the rest of my life and that it will affect many people(family, friends, etc). It is one reason why I'm not in a hurry to get married to just anybody. You will never know everything about a person anyway and I know I'll be constantly learning about my wife making adjustments as she will for me. It takes a lot to be honest with yourself and someone your interested in nowadays for some people. He or she may not be ready to settle down and not admit it. Not to mention peoples' motive for marriage now too (monetary gain, emotional distress,etc).

How can someone "fall in love" in 2 or 3 days/months without taking the time to get to know that person instead of their body? That how far our society's moral fiber has fallen with most of the attacks on men (In media how much of it is based on sex? Ads with scantilly clad women with budweiser beer....) since it ideally takes a man to raise a son or daughter to be a man or woman. Sex was reserved for marriage for many reasons: Prevention of STD's, beneficial lifelong partner,etc. Having sex with someone before getting to know that person usually clouds the judgement of one or both of the individuals involved as well as having children out of wedlock and the aforementioned STD's.

I have seen many times the regret of guys who got involved with a woman sexually and married her to find out they didn't like her or she's got another outside child,etc. I am sure it happens to females the same way.

As a black man I was taught I had to go out and "get some" because it was accepted as what black guy's did in my family. Unfortunately, the girl's were frowned upon in the family for doing so which is a double-standard.

As you all can tell this can get really lengthy, so to make a long story short once I realized my faults by being educated I changed my ways so that my sons will pass on a new legacy and be men of character who love their wives, keep their romance in each ones marriage alive and share my beliefs in the Lord.

Exactly34 out.............


What happened to chivalry? Friends First then dating exclusively? Doing the same things you did to woo your wife to keep romance alive?:smt066

 

My goodness; there are so many different ideas being thrown out! After reading what some of you have posted, I've developed a bit more of an opinion on the matter. It seems that those of a religious persuasion may be the least likely to cheat on their spouses. In their own words, they have to answer to a "higher power" so the religious influence could keep them in check. Of course, religion can also mess some people up and we end up with Ted Haggard situations (which is another post in itsself.)

I think the dating and marriage standards and ideals in American culture are really what messes people like me up. I feel like I'm working against 27 years of pop culture brainwashing. I'm trying to flush out scores of romantic comedy residue in my head. Take Pretty Woman...Millionaire meets trashy hooker from Georgia, turns down the chance to make more money in his company because she's made him a better person AND he succumbs to her every want and desire in the end. It's complete bullshit but so many people fell for it!

And then there's the crap your own parents can feed you. My mom has been hen-pecking me for the last year about finally "settling down and getting married." I can only assume because hers went so well (separated from my dad, dad stayed in the house AND her new bf moved in. There's some polygamy fo' yo' ass.)

I need to keep my sights open for the person who's best for me right now, and not let the jackasses I meet get me down. Some relationships don't last forever because people change and if they don't change at the same rate they are less likely to stay together. I wrote my original post out of the fear that I would settle down with that one person, and someday, be the wife sitting at home with the kids while he tries to hook-up at the bar.

 

That was an amazing post Exactly34!

I think it's character, not religion so much, but you are right about religion messing some people up.

That was a crazy movie, quite romantic, but not very realistic. I did enjoy it though!

Wow!, that is nuts, yeah, it sounds like polygamy in favor of the woman, I have never known anyone to do that!!

 

Polygamy is not only a male thing ,In the DR Congo in my mom tribe (Bashilele in the Kasai province of the DRC) ... Polyandry exist and it is accepted there , please check this link : http://www.popline.org/docs/1170/251757.html.

To be honest , i am against polygamy as far as building a familly , trust me that type of relationship will affect your children if you ever plan to have them. My Dad was a polygamist, i am talking from experience...

Talking about the bible , they are so many instances in the bible were men of God had more than one wifes , so polygamy is also biblical.

 

WAS, in the old testament, but was NEVER advised, always in the Bible you see wisdom saying that a man should have one wife, not multiple, although it never says that it is a sin to have more than one. In the new testament there were evidently some men who had more than one wife, but it was much more rare, and again the advice was to have only one wife.

 

It should be about common sense and personal preference not about what the word of "God" is ?! and in that I mean monogamy not polygamy.

Is it realistic to think that we humans were put on this earth to be with one person for the rest of our lives ... Ummm, NO. Not if we go by how we live prior to finding "the one". If we were meant to be with one person we'd all stick with the first person that we ever dated.