Is a monogamous relationship/marriage realistic?

I've become a little despondent about the idea of marriage and relationships lately. I don't know why, but the majority of men who've flirted with me in the past few months have been married or in LTRs. I met one last night who said he was divorced but was obviously still married. We were having an in-depth political conversation when he propositioned me and suggested we check in at the Hilton. When I said "no thanks" he shrugged and said "I guess I'll go home."

Last month I was at a bar and was making eye-contact with a good-looking bm who was with a very large bw (I was hoping his sister/friend). He sent his friend over to talk to me, who said, "My friend wanted me to come over and get your number. He would have come over himself but he's on a date with this girl he's been f***ing and he didn't want to mess up his chances of getting p***y tonight." Absolutely disgusting behavior.

I dated one guy who said he'd like to see me with another man and have a threesome.

Guys, is there or has there ever been one woman you wanted to commit yourself to and be faithful to? What qualities must a long-term partner or wife embody to keep infidelity from happening? Really...don't give me any B.S. I want the facts, only.

 

I think it's realistic if it's short in duration, like less than a year. lol jk

 

My parents do. People I know at my church do. (Yes, you all read that correctly, I go to church, on a regular basis even.) But my friends, collegues, other family members....it seems like everybody cheats.

 

Cheaters disgust me, :smt068:smt068:smt068:smt068:smt068:smt068

A person who cheats will cheat regardless no matter how good you treat them heck I know, it's a flaw, nothing you can do to stop these scum from cheatng.

 

Of course it's realistic. Just have to find people that are of the same mindset. There are plenty of great people out there who have never cheated in a relationship and never would.

nice new pic csbean

 

There is nothing any man can tell you his wife should do, to keep him faithful, if he is putting the responsibility of his fidelity onto her, then he's already off to a bad start, except of course if the wife is refusing to have sex with him, or refusing to work on it, then she may be partly responsible for his affair.

I agree, some men/women will cheat, it's not the other partners responsibility to make sure it doesn't happen.

 

Having a strong faith is helpful, but it needs to be a truly strong faith from within themselves, because a lot of church going people also cheat. I was married to a preacher who cheated a lot.

I still believe and have a very strong faith, I would never cheat. But to be sure a man I marry would not do so, I have to know a lot more about the depth of his own personal faith, and character.

 

Huh.

So which is it?

 

I disagree with the blanket statement that if he has it good at home he will not wander, that is a fable. Many men are just jerks. Women too.

But I do think it is a woman's responsibility to give her man the best she can, but doing so is not guarantee that he will not wander.

By the way, I also believe a man has the responsibility to give the woman the best he can.

 

I was reading this again...Ew, ew, and ew! You poor thing. Hopefully the next guy that flirts with you won't be such a stupid head.

 

If I were to say no, then I'd also be implying that human beings are incapable of something when in actuality I believe otherwise. We're capable of anything, it's just that monogamy appears to be out of fashion in many sectors of society.

This doesn't mean you won't find anyone who shares your values.

 

Co-sign. I think its better to walk away from a relationship than cheat

 

Yeah, I agree. I'm quite cynical when it comes to this subject and I honestly stick with the statement 'once a cheater, always a cheater.'
Of course there are exceptions, but they're very few. Almost everyone (except for my two best friends) have cheated at some point. My family, my other friends, the last guy I was with... it's just so common now and so accepted.
I remember when I was young and my dad was working nights, my mum used to get a babysitter for me and then go and meet up with some guys. She's cheated on my stepdad as well.

I'm really against cheating myself and I'd much rather end a relationship if I was unhappy, rather than go behind their back.
Of course it is possible, I know a few couples who have never cheated so I guess you just have to find someone who isn't a wanker. Much easier said than done, though!!

 

Well, cheating is something that occures in monogamous relationships.. It's quite hard to define cheating in more terms then "doing things behind your partners back".. But either mono or poly relationship, it's wrong to betray someones trust.
I've had mono-relationships and I had poly, and it's all the same really, a relationship is a relationship is a relationship.

I do think though that many people could gain from not taking sexual activities outside the primary relationship less seriously. What is more important, where your heart is or where your genitalia has been? .. you get my drift.

Here's an article about human monogamy

 

Your mom is awesome, never forget that.

 

Interesting.

Personally, I find evolutionary psychological accounts of human behavior to be highly reductionist in terms of coalescing human thought and action with the selective pressure to reproduce. In reading similar articles, I always seek to parcel out those aspects of human behavior that aren't necessarily governed by the instinct to pass our genes on into future generations.

Is not sex with an attractive mate a pleasurable end unto itself?

 

I should say some guy, rather than some guys. Made her sound a bit like a hooker there, oops.
She's not, just for the record, haha.

 

You do have a point, even though I can't really see why a behavioral pattern that is rewarding wouldn't from the beginning be there for a reason.. even if it gets a bit silly when put in context of todays society..

I'd say that the effect of having sexual relations with attractive partners is not just for reproducing, but also for amping up ones self esteem, and highering ones social value and "survivability".. Attractive mates gives us higher market value and will hopefully land us an even better deal later on.

I get a bit weary of articles that claims that the human female is less prone to stray, thats not necessarily an actual trait, it could be because of tradition...

 

Well im not sure its realistic to exspect a monogamous relationship, but that does not stop me trying to attain one.

With recent exsperiences im considering celibacy, totally total celibacy.

Either that or ESP lessons.

 

It's realistic if that is definitely what both people want, in most cases it's not and someone strays. I'd also say that it's more realistic on a short term basis.
People get bored easily, I guess.