interracial marriage and blending of families.

has anyone (particularly women) was married to a wm or in a longterm relationship with one and had kids then started dating a BM or married one and had kids with him ?

If so what happened between you and the 1st guy and how did the kids from the first relationship adapt to the new guy (black guy) ? also how did the family from the first relationship treat you and the new guy and new kids ?
also how did everyone treat you ?

 

Ok this one is gonna take a minute lol.

As you can see yes this implies to me. I was actually married to two white guys. Way to young to get married. I first got married at 16 yrs old. We have no living kids together. I then got with my second husband at 17 right after me and first split. At 20 I was married again. We had 2 children. I never once thought either of these 2 men had racial issues. My first had black friends and never said anything out of the way (although his brother was suspect to me) and my second's best friend was black and I def never suspected anything with him. We had 2 kids.
Years after me and my first husband split up him and his girlfriend at the time whom was pregnant who later became his x wife were staying with me. We had remained friends and they were on the street so I was nice enough to let them stay with me. However, they suddenly left and left a message on my answering matching about not wanting to be judged by me dating black men ( I had just meet my husband but we were just sleeping together at the time) His girlfriend had dated black men herself but apparently my x had a problem with it. I actually seen him yesterday I picked up and gave him a ride about a block down the street. I can still sense he has an issue with me. My second husband never said anything to me when I started dating black men. Infact he actually went out and tried to find a black woman. LMAO. But that didn't work to well for him and he eventually got another white woman. I don't think HE actually has that much of a problem but I do sense his wife does.
In the meanwhile the first black man I brought in my children's life was not a good one. He was very mean to my son (although not a first) but he fine with my daughter. It was short relationship but it damaged my son. My son moved in with his father shortly after. And I know them folks talked bs to my kids. My daughter came home once telling me that white people and black people aren't supposed to be together. My words held no weight to her either. I had to get my X's mom to talk to her and explain to a 5/6 yr old girl that it was ok. The X's mom is actually married to a white man that has white/Korean kids. They also told my kids that I loved my mixed daughter more than them. My older daughter is now very jealous of my middle daughter.
My son only sees my husband during the summer and during Christmas but they have a good relationship. IDK if it's really fatherly though. My older daughter does have a fatherly relationship with my husband though. She even chooses to call him dad alot of the time but not all the time. She is quite different from my son. Most of her little friends are actually black girls. She even asked me to put her in a local school that is mostly black which I filled out the paperwork today for. Their school has alot higher CRCT scores than the one in my neighborhood.

 

a minute ? maybe two before I finish the whole thing. My first question (just starting out) was the first hubby getting a BW or was it the 2nd and also was he doing it to one up you or something ?

 

It was the second. Yeah he wanted me to get back with him and I wouldn't. I don't know his purpose really but he was quick to come tell me. IDK if he thought I would want him back, or if he trying to just do what I do, or what but I find it rather funny. I mean nothing wrong with him dating bw of course but his timing right after me starting to date black men made it look like it had something to do with me.

 

I see. when I have more time...I would read the rest of your book. LOL

 

lol that's why I'm writting one for real

 

LOL

how did the kids adapt to the new dad and the fact he is black and the new kids and the fact they are black

 

To my husband that have adapted well. Well atleast my daughter. She calls my husband both dad and by his name. There is no issues there. With my son he doesn't live with us so their really isn't the whole dad-son thing going on. But when he it's here they get along great and my husband will do things with him like go see a movie.

The only problem that has been is my daughter is very jealous of my middle daughter and I feel like she uses racial things to my daughter. It's not like that with the rest of the kids though. But like my 7 yr old thinks she has big legs. WTF. I'm like where the freak could she have got this from. I think my daughter has told her that. I've tried to tell her how her legs are beautiful and having alittle thickness in them is great thing. There is some not racial things I've heard her say too. She is just extremely jealous of her and my daughter looks up to her. My older daughter for example has beautiful blue eyes. She gets complemented constantly on them but every now and then some one will complement my middle daughter and you can see the jealous in her. UH I blame her father and his wife for this. Here is my daughter.

 

ha ha hah!

 

yall crazy.

 

All I have to say is Wow Regina. I had to take a break reading your post. Still, it was good . It does seem that you have a lot of drama going on with all of the racial conflict between your daughter and your ex.

I'm glad that your husband is able to deal with it all. I know that I would be having a hard time dealing with all of that drama. How do you and your husband handle it and keep it from fracturing your marriage?

 

It's actually never been an issue for us. He doesn't really get into the situation. He did call my x husband though this summer when my x refused to let me get my son at the time we agreed upon back in January. They didn't have conflict between the two of them or anything but my husband did try and talk to him. My husband is very calm and collective man and don't have much conflict with others. He is so nice he even thought maybe my x and his wife should come with us on our camping trip just so my son could be there lol. Although my x still refused a few days later he let me get my son. But anyway yeah my husband listens to me when I tell him about the things going on and he gives me advice but for the most part he don't mess with it and we have never had a disagreement on the matter.

 

I'm guessing that by him letting you take the lead and him staying in the background, it gives you the space you need to deal with the ex. I'm also calm and collected as well.

It just that have an aversion to drama and I do my best to avoid it. Seems to me that your husband has learned to deal with it because of his love for you and your kids. A good man you have there.