If you have to hide....

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the person you are with, then you are simple not strong enough to be with them and should end it. So I know this model I have been working, FINE AS HELL....and she's dating this brutha. I know because he's showed up on set. They loving it up, huggin' kissin'....yada yada yada,

..so she added me on her face book and posted an image of her.



..and she responded, so I asked where her boyfriend was (facebook name) she gives me his name, but I'm looking through all her family and friends pics. none of him.

In fact, i didn't see any non-whites in her lil photo pics as well. Seemed a bit strange to me. Black boyfriend, loves hip hop music, dresses like the young black female youth.

...not a non-white face to be found. So I asked her. She said. She knew that no one around her would approve, so the had to keep that part of her life a secret.

....dang.

 

I thought the little kept secrets ended circa 2000?! :smt102

I agree with you on that particular fact that if you have to keep this part of your life a secret, then you're really weak and don't need to be in that kind of relationship. I'm sure it's a dilemma and she wants to maintain strong relations with those who know, but if she really valued her own livelihood and happiness, she wouldn't have to keep that part of herself a secret.

This leads me to one question, "What does the boyfriend say about all that?"

 

he he he weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeell you know my forward ass asked.

he said, he didn't know. He sort of thought it was going to be just some good ass, someone to hang out with and then he started to REALLY get into her. Lil young dude....21...said he couldn't just break up with her. So he doesn't know what he is going to do, but he said he's not leaving.

 

I hope they both figure out how to have the strength to move forward...



What about me? This thread resonated with me because I work in a law firm with ALL white attorneys/assistants. The only black people are sometimes clients, and sometimes the cleaning people.

I have only been working there for 2 weeks, but don't mention anything about race in dealing with people. For all I know, everyone would be cool with me dating outside "whites" - in the initial job interview, my boss (a wonderful older man - extremely experienced and old-fashioned- whom I already adore!) said that they tend to be a little "Liberal" in their political leanings as a firm. I gave them a thumbs up.

Yet I still want to keep it to myself (my history), because I hear things and they don't sound quite right to me (not from my employers - there are other people around) - for some reason I just don't want to expose that part of my life to people for fear I would be ridiculed...

Of course I haven't worked there for long - hopefully it will change after I've been there for awhile... I hope.

 

There are so many different routes to take. I guess he's really stuck on her and her love cradle right then and there. I still insist that he breaks up with her, but if he's willing to stick it out and wait a while, then let him be. We can only speak our minds, but it's up to the individual parties to act on what must be done.

 

Would anyone hold it against me that I refrain from expressing a very strong/prominent part of my life (my love for black men)...?

In order to keep my job, that is. You can be let go at any point, for nebulous/tenuous charges... I'm just afraid to make any waves to be honest - some people think they're not racist, and they actually are.

But I still need a job (and so far I really love it).

 

If you did it on here, I would thank you for it.

 

at such young ages they should fuck, have fun, fuck some more......and be done and move on. Lil dude asked what he should do...

...I simply said "she's probably not the first women you've been into, and she probably wont' be the last"

..that's it.

 

Very good point. It's what my older brother would say actually. But he'll also add something along the lines of, "Pussy is pussy and you can't let a pussy get between you and your options!"

 

I was talking about this with a friend of mine today. first off I think it would be a bit silly to go to work on day and proudly proclaim I LIKE BLACK MEN, in fact I'm not even sure how it would come up in conversation...

...but you made an interesting point. The Job being of utmost importance. Far ore important than a relationship or a union. People will get up every morning, and drag themselves out of a bed, and go to a job THEY FUCKING HATE.....every date, for years on end...

..and fight tooth and nail to keep that job.

...but won't but the same energy into keeping their relationship or their union strong.

 

Not sure if that's a kind statement, or really shitty. It could go either way. I hope it's the former of course.

 

I totally agree. You straight up weak to hide whom you are with.

 

Not nice. That "pussy" is attached in many cases (not always lol) to a real live breathing and feeling woman.

Who cares though, right? "Pussy is pussy".

Give me a break. You have no idea the deep wells of emotion many women carry and they look just like anyone else. To "take advantage" of such women, well your karma has hell to pay but you might not realize it til later.

 

My job is absolutely critical in maintaining the sort of independent lifestyle I need to FIND the quality man I'm searching for (benignly). I must never depend on a man for my wellbeing or things just start to suffer.

I know this by now. The Job is more important than anything - it doesn't keep food in my baby's mouth because I don't have a baby. It keeps food in MY mouth. What now? What if the topic ever came up? (of WWBM)

 

I don't necessarily register with that sort of thinking, but I do understand what he's saying relating to such issues. He's not referring to women who are honest about themselves. Rather, it's more to do with someone who rather keep you as a secret and that in of itself is a lack of respect, and that's for both parties.

Genuine, open and honest relationships need not apply to his statement.

 

Unless you were in a relationship and someone from your work was going to meet him... why would it even come up??

 

I honestly don't see a need to share that information at work, but you and I are very different in what we share with people(guessing just based on what we post on the forums) so if those are the kind of conversations you would have anyway then I don't see why race would be an issue.

You mention ridicule, but people will tease and make fun of you for all kinds of decisions in life, part of growing up is learning not to care about the opinions of ignorant people and being able to stand up for your beliefs.

Employment law is obviously very different in America than in England(it seems a lot easier to fire people at will over there), but it's 2011. If someone fired me based on my sexual/dating preference, I'd dispute it and take it to court if necessary-that's not a valid reason to fire someone(not in the sense we're discussing here). Your private life is your private life.

Not just at you, SA, but(in my opinion) if you're not ready to deal with other people's reactions and stand up for yourself in regards to them, then you're not ready to date interracially. People are going to respond negatively, people will question you and people will judge you for it. It's sad that these are things that become issues for people and I wish they weren't, but if you're going to date interracially, they are things you will have to face up to.

I would never hide a relationship because of my partner's race and if I was with someone who felt the need to hide it because I'm white, I'd end the relationship. I only date adults.

 

I can tell you this my xwife, 120k a year job, did not hide me at all and she worked for a Japanese company. I don't know how the conversation would come up.

"Good morning" "hey, good monring how are you" "I'm fine I date black men"