If you find yourself in a scary movie

Don't fall the fuck down when you're running. Seriously, is it that hard to keep your dumbass up?

If the killer injures himself and gets knocked out and drops his weapon, PICK THE MUTHAFUCKA UP!!! Seriously. Finish the god damn job fuckin' retard.

Don't jump out and scare your friends with a weapon in hand. You'll be dead from the same weapon in 4 minutes.

Don't be a hero and try to fight the killer just because you work out. Jason don't play that shit. He'll rip you head off and bowl that bitch down the driveway just for the fuck of it.

If you're female, don't try to tease they killer with your perky tits cause you think it's funny. It's a known fact that slasher film killers cannot get an erection and have no interest in penetrating that vah-j-eye-nuh. You're like a talking bag of organs to them. If you're fuckin' with Leatherface, he'll probably cut your tits off and make a skull caps out of them.

 

Always check your car's back seat.

 

If the killer/moster just fought you...

...and is lying on the ground apparently "dead", don't go up to him/her/it and check to see!

No toe tap checks, no pulse checks, no quick hand-shove-on-the-body checks...nothing. Run away!

 

If you're drinking by yourself, get rid of the bottle. I watched that shitty Sorority Row movie and this chick laid down on the couch and as she took a sip, the killer punched that bottle down her throat. The alcohol proceeded to drain down her throat. It was one of those hella long bottles too. It was brutal and badass.

Don't hang out with white high school or college kids. Do this, and you won't have to give a damn about these other rules, because you won't be the one getting chased by some dude that know what you did last summer.

If the killer has a mask you find funny, even though he has a weapon in his hand, don't poke at him and give him shit. He's gonna give you plenty of shit in a few seconds.

If you are told about some urban legend like Candyman, believe in it and do nothing past that.

 

Don't summon the dead.

Don't go swimming at night.

Don't flash your lights at cars driving at night with their lights off.

Don't show a weird video tape with a loved one.

Don't hide under a bed.

 

I'm gonna risk this one, because I fucking LOVE swimming at night!!

 

don't get out that ouija board

put away that voodoo doll

 

Don't be blonde beautiful and a cheerleader-

Don't be a night watchman in a morgue, doll factory or any human science lab-

Don't even be vaguely humourful, funny people always end up dead near the end-

Don't have sex, discuss sex or try to encourage anyone else to have sex-

Don't go back to save a friend, you will only get your other friends killed-

Don't go into the disused mental hospital for a dare-

Don't try to flirt with a woman on a boat that's been adrift for over 40yrs. unless she came on your boat with you-

Don't adopt weird little Orphans that can play the Piano and paint like Monet-

 

If you're a cop, your dumbass is gonna die.

If you're a security guard that isn't important enough to be on the box cover, you're gonna die.

 

I love this thread, it is hilarious. So many things have been covered already, so hmm.... How 'bout:

If you find yourself in a scary movie and your child says they see things that aren't there (monsters, ghosts, etc), don't dismiss it as children's antics!

 

It issss....
and I wanna give BA an award for his descriptions "gonna bowl that mufucka down the road" BWAAHAHAHAHA
... You always crack me uuuuupppppppp!!!!!!

Had Ive been 400 years younger, I would have been driving up thurrrrr right now!!!

 

When it gets around the anniversary time of when the killings happen, GTFO of dodge.
Stay as far away from the intended target as possible.
If you do go somewhere make sure there is good reception (for cell phone usage).

 

That ts is a tricky one, because it could also be the source of evil spirits that try to kill you.


oh, dont take a dump.

If you see big black dogs.... for gods sake... RUN! (or was it stand still?)

Dont go anywhere near windows... so many ways that can do you in. One less pretty than the other.


If you find archeological pieces - do not touch them, ever.

 

Ladies: Don't dance around in your bra and panties with your IPOD on!

Guys: Don't do it either in your jocks while you're drinking from the orange juice/milk carton....
You cant hear the boogie man approaching!

 

Assholes always die.

 

LOL
So does virgins
the nerdy ones
the jocks
the good looking people
the nekked people
the black dude
the cheerleaders
the loners
the oversexed
the drunk




Sorry, couldnt help mahself

 

Shame. :smt081


Oh, and if you encounter the killer and get injured by him, don't think you're off the hook yet. They didn't cut deep enough the first time. They won't make the second mistake.

 

I'm legal.

 

yah, at that point - its not wise to drag your injured ass into the deep woods to try to get away. You just made the killer very happy.