yeah - another tale of racist parents my mum says she and my dad don't wanna meet my fella cos they'd be embarrassed to say i was dating a black man any ideas how to handle this?
You really shouldn't try to push this thing onto your parents. They will only resist it even more, and it will then cause even more problems later down the road.
Why would they need to tell everyone that you are dating a black man? Is that all he is? Why can't they tell everyone that their daughter is dating a hard-working, kind, intelligent man that treats their daughter with all the respect she deserves?!? A bit idealistic, aren't I...
well, i live in that idealistic world with u! i don't understand what the problem is - cos if someone asks me about him, i don't whisper well, he's African - i tell them about HIM what my problem is is should i introduce him knowing they've already made their minds up ?
The answer is N-O, no. Sardonic is correct. You should not push this thing onto your parents knowing how they feel about the subject. If you really want my advice, just let them know that you're dating a black guy and that's who your with right now. That should be the end of it. It's up to them to deal with it.
I do agree, though, that you should not push a meeting. If they choose not to meet someone who has become a large part of their daughter's life, that is their issue...their loss. However, that is no reason to end your happiness. They are unfortunate to not have the chance to share this part of your life with you. Personally, I would feel incredibly heartbroken and disappointed with my parents if they had such an issue with me dating outside my race. I feel for you...
thanks for ur messages and support i appreciate it but i don't think i have made myself clear i have never forced my parents into meeting him my mum recently said she should meet him cos i've been with him 2 years but she says even if he's a nice man, she will not approve of him and i just wondered if there is any point
To answer a question with a question, why should she meet him if her ultimate intent is to not approve of him regardless??? Listen, ummm...I guest.... OK, in the states here, such a scenario might result with the girl (you) inviting the boyfriend to meet her mother anyway. See, sometimes letting people confront certain prejudices might force them to see their position differently. Now, I'm not saying your mother would change after meeting your boyfriend, but at least she'll see the individual in a different way than you've talked about and she's perceived. That's the only real point I can come up with. I hope my advice helped. By the way, what is her prejudice against blacks (Africans) anyway? Does she not agree with inter dating/marriage? Or does she just not agree with you doing it specifically?
Ol' Lainy said something about her parents that made me curious to know how THEY would react if they knew about her attraction to black men.
The family has met him and thinks he is wonderful! How could they not?!? His amazing qualities are quietly obvious.
I was hoping you'd say something like that, but at first, I thought that I was just using wishful thinking. I guess I got my wish.
Hey there. what's happened over this then? Have you introduced your boyfriend to your Mum & Dad yet? Whereabouts in UK do you live?
I haven't introduced him yet but my mum is asking to meet him understands i've been with him for a while now so i must love him and wants to meet the man i love my dad tends to avoid the subject so dunno when they'll all meet. his parents are over here round christmas, so i dunno whether hes going to introduce me to them i dunno whats gonna happen
well you can only play it by ear. If your mom wants to meet him, let her. Just ask her to keep an open mind about him (ask nicely and tactfully). Sometimes its harder to dislike someone when you really don't know them. Perhaps an in person meet might help. If not, well be patient.
Well If they do meet have them do it in a public area and not at there house. So if something kicks off it won't get to ugly.
now that I've read your other posts, question for you. Is it just that he is a black man? or a black man from Africa that they might fear is after you for a visa?
uhm, black man is what they have a problem with, i think, although do not like the 'stigma' of dating an African - but they have never suggested the visa issue. At first it was my mum and dad, but now is just my dad with the problem I was talking to my auntie and she says they should meet. I can't pre-empt what my mum and dad will do, and no point trying to control it. what will be will be etc.
I think meeting him is a good thing. They've had some time to be aware of him, so the shock factor is gone.. Its easier to be against someone who is just a name but has no live face in their mind. It could be meeting him might soften the view of your dad if she sees how good he is with you. Good luck..
Yeah, don't bring him home....lol. If my mom had a problem with me dating a white girl, i WOULD NOT bring her home to meet my mom. I'd only bring her around the family members/friends who would be accepting of her. My father DOES have a problem with me dating a white girl, but that's why i won't ever bring my girlfriend/wife over to meet him. He doesn't deserve to meet her with that kind of attitude. My job as a husband/boyfriend or whatever should be to protect her from that mess IF I CAN. If it's something that i can't control, then so be it, but with a situation like this, i can control it, so my decision would be to keep her, and myself, away from so much negativity. IR relationships can be tough as it is, so in my mind, there's no reason to add to it by bringing my girlfriend around any racist parents or family members that i may have. Just like some of the guys have said, if they want to be ignorant about it, it's their loss, not yours, or your boyfriends. If you and your bo go on and live a happy life together, maybe your parents will come around one day and realize that they're missing out on a really important part of their daughters life. But who knows??? Only time will tell i guess.
