I love good looking black men!

:smt023 I appreciate this coming from a guy.

 

I wonder if its because all of you guys are much older and might have already lost a parent/parents. I find it really interesting that a lot of you feel this way considering a lot of what you've posted about past relationships. Something for me to ponder I guess.

 

I'm with you on all this. Maybe because we are younger we see it differently. Basically no guy could come before my lil boy, my twin sister or my mother. You're right what you said earlier - girl/boyfriends come and go, family are family.

 

Its a no brainer to me. These people have been around and supported me for 30 years it seems disloyal to put someone who has only been around for a couple of years before them. Barring kids it makes no sense to me. I am guessing some of the other posters have been betrayed by family and that's why they feel they do. I could be wrong.

 

Maybe. My mother and my sister are the most amazing women I know and I'd do anything for them. I agree with everything you said, I don't hold them higher than a partner because of loyalty but because I want to and they deserve the #1 spot. I think any single mom who'd put a guy before her kid shouldn't be a mother.

 

Ok this whole so n so before so n so conversation is retarded to me... What type situations are you guys getting into for someone to come before the other?

 

there is quiet a lot of women who do this these days

 

Lol donating a kidney.
This stuff usually comes up when I date a girl who asks the question and forces me to think about it because you're right there's probably never going to be a situation where I have to put any but myself first with exception of children.
I actually blogged about that today. In any situation I come first because I'm no good to others if I am not.
But in terms of who I'd rather spend free time with it'll always be family and friends. Just the way it worked out in my life. Like tonight I'm free and I'm hanging with my girl but if my brothers were free and wanted to chill i'd spend time with them.
I've wasted too many years and resources on people I don't even talk to anymore.

 

And THIS, ladies and gents, is a response from a real man.

Thanks, swirlman, for being one of so few left in the world.

 

i completely agree with you...my son is 16 and in his junior year of high school...a few opportunites have presented themselves with relationships...i decided a few years ago that i would wait for him to finish high school before living with someone in a committed relationship...if i had met someone when he was younger and it had turned into long term i would have considered it...as he got older i saw his early teens as more delicate years...the most important thing for me was for him to have a stable home...consistency...

 

I'd suggest that your family must be the exception my friend. I know of no family where loving all you family members comes effortlessly. Family members can be as guilty of displaying a lack of care, selfishness, and all the other traits that lead to divorce. But, as the old saying goes, "you can't divorce your family". My perspective is that ALL good relationships require people to be invested in maintaining that relationship, giving whatever it takes. The reality seems to be that spousal relationships require more work than many have the capacity or willingness to give. In familial relationships family members simply drift apart, and it happens often. There're lots of siblings, parents and extended family who essentially do "divorce" one another, and are estranged beyond repair. It's seen every day, whether played out in the media regarding the lives of the rich and famous, or the lives of our own families and friends. Perhaps, yours is that one "perfect" family where such things don't occur.

 

Smh lol. Love the back handed insults DB. A real man recognizes that women will come and go as we've all experienced but family is forever.

 

I can't speak for anyone else, but in my case, age or loss of parents has nothing to do with it. I would suggest that most people who marry, marry at a time with their parents are alive and at ages often as young as yours as well. Perhaps, it's a difference in maturity levels at younger ages among people who share these beliefs, I'm not sure.

 

I felt the same way when I got married at 25 as I do now: spouse first. We raise our kids to go out into the world, not stay tied to our apron. Keeping mom or dad as a greater priority than your spouse is divisive in a marriage.. IMO, any parent worth their salt, will expect their child to put spouse and family first. I know my son loves me and wants the best for me, but if there would ever come a time that he would have to make a choice to do something that is best for me or best for his family, I would expect him to do what is best for his family.

 

I wouldn't say we're perfect because we're far from it. We have our issues like every family but I think what makes us so close knit is the immigrant element of our situation. Everyone older than me (I was the first born outside of Jamaica) never really made friends so that required them to be friends with siblings and cousins and whn you're in a strange land you tend to cling to each other. I see it with a lot Italian and Hispanic families as well. Like I said earlier I know that people in families do fucked up shit to each other but the level of betrayal violence doesn't even come close to what happens between spouses. Like I said earlier its very telling when the first suspect in a murder case is usually the spouse. Not a cousin a parent a sibling or an aunt or uncle but the spouse. And we sometimes lose touch but there's a bond that allows us to pick up like no time passed at all. I can't explain it I just appreciate it.

 

I don't believe I was speaking to you, Stewart. But, since you caught my attention...

Family is what you make of it. You don't have to share blood to be family, and if you'd throw your wife under the bus because Mama called, then you're just not worth the paper your marriage certificate was printed on and that poor girl should run.

If you choose to get married, then you are choosing that person to be number 1. If you can't do that, don't get married. It's one thing in an emergency, but if it's mom or brothers over her every time, you won't be married long.

 

So, you accuse DB of handing out back handed compliments, lol, and then offer me an offhanded insult by suggesting that I'm not a real man, because I've already said I don't agree with that stance. But, rather than insult you, how about we agree that you do you, and I'll do me, and we can decide if we're happy with our lives.

 

Exactly. I believe that any good parent will teach this to their children. Parents don't live forever, and they want their kids to find someone to share their lives with, not sit in the background.

 

I totally agree. Once kids are involved its all about them and the family structure but as long as someone is just my girl or isn't the mother of my children she'll be important but not first priority until she gives me kids.