I felt awful...

Let me start off by saying that I do not consider myself a WW...I was raised by a BW, and although I am interracial, I have always considered myself black. The problem is, is that I am pale (pale enough) and I have been suspected as white a few times...well more than a few. Anyway, the entire reason I joined this forum is because the most disheartning thing happened to me the other day: I am a full-time college student in Washington, D.C. and I have a job in a little independent sports shop; Every day for the past two months, the sexiest black man has been coming in; he is gorgeous, and finally about two weeks ago, he asked me out (after some serious flirting), so we go out this past Friday, and we are hella hitting it off: flirting, laughing, etc. out of nowhere he leans in and says, "so, when did you start liking black men?" I'm like, "what? I am black!" The look on his face completely changes, so I ask him if he thought I was white, and he was like yea, I love white women! I;m so embarrased...this fool only went out with me because he thought I was white! I felt so horrible about the black half of me, for a minute and then I just started thinking, "What is the reason black men like white women? Do they afford some sort of luxury that black women don't? And if not, when did you decide that black women no longer did it for you?" I'm so interested in this, because I really feel bad.

To top it all off, homeboy hasn't called me back once...dang.

 

That is awful!! I think you described the kind of bm that actually earns any wholesale disrespect a bw might give him. And, as a ww, I'm not any happier with that kind of man. I don't want a man dating me b/c I'm white. I want a man who dates me b/c of who I actually am. The guy you were with obviously cares for something that has nothing to do with who either you or I actually is (are? :lol: ) on the inside.


Don't feel bad - that guy was an ass!

 

That's pretty messed up, but more and more biracials aren't considered good enough even if they look white.

 

Hmm, I can see both sides of the story here. Don't sweat it, obviously he wasn't right for you and you weren't right for him. Nobody's wrong. Just like if you had a thing for Latinos and the guy you were seeing turned out to be an extremely tanned white guy, you might be turned off right? Same thing here, as a black man who's into white women, I too would be turned off a bit because it then feels like the mystery, taboo, or challenge of hooking up with an authentic white woman is gone. Nothing personal, just everyone has their preferences.

 

So you're more interested in mystery and taboo than the real human being, huh? This is scary. Everything was cool until he understood she had black blood then she was tainted. If she's tainted then he must feel the same about himself on a very deep level.

 

I gotta call BS here. Dating someone for the color of their skin and 'what it represents' is wrong.

Now if it's a physical attraction thing, that's different. Obviously with the guy here, it was not a physical attraction issue.

 

Well they're not talkin about dating, they're just feeling eachother out. When you go to the club do you talk to all the fat girls because they're nice on the inside? Probably not, you go after the ones who interest you physically, mentally, whatever, first. It's not wrong to have a preference. Now if you start really getting to know this person and caring about them for more than them being "the cute girl that works at the sports store" than yeah, it's messed up to bail out of a real relationship on those grounds. But I think it's perfectly reasonable for this gentleman to back out of his shallow relationship with the original poster before it got serious causing one or both of them to be unhappy down the road.

 

I'm sorry, you just proved the worst point...if you and I met somewhere, and we really hit it off, and you found out I was actually black you would no longer like me? That is the most ignorant and little-minded thing I have ever heard...Like, you would miss out on the chance to have possibly the best relationship of your life (because let me tell you, this guy definetly did...I'm the bomb, you better ask some-damn-body) because I'm black? And what is this mystery and taboo you're talking about? A woman is a woman, no matter what color her skin is...no mystery there.

 

I'm glad he backed out too, he did curious a favor b/c he wasn't worth her time. But again, a preference based on physical attraction is different than preference based on what a person's skin 'means'.

The example you use above (fat girl in the club) is based on attraction, and yeah, that is normal. The guy curious went out with was obviously 'in' to her in exactly the way you describe (physically and mentally)- and he still backed out.

 

To everybody who is not Tyrone85, thank you for being understandign about my frustration, sometimes it is hard to talk to my black female relatives about this kind of stuff, because they assume I have it easier than them, because I have "good hair" and I'm "high-yella"...but it's twice as hard for girls like me.

 

I'm sure you think you are perfect for him, but you gotta realize some people just prefer to date within certain ethnicities... it's not even a taboo or mystery thing really, it's moreso just based on a lack of personal satisfaction from dating anything outside of that person's preference.

 

I was just sitting here thinking about what I would do if a guy I was out with bailed on me when he found out I'm not black. Nobody deserves to feel like that!!

And as long as you are supportive of IR relationships and don't bash the idea of ww and bm being together, I think you will find lots of support and friends here. Plus, I would guess that tyrone85 will be in the minority when some other guys on the forum check out the thread.

 

Well, from the devil's advocate side, you have to side with Tyrone85 on this one. Usually what attracts people initially from different ethnic groups are their complexions. This might be the reason why you were thought to be a white woman although you are mixed. I usually don't restrict dating to just white women there are plenty of beautiful women in other groups too. Although I do feel at times I have a genuine likeness towards them. So, I think although your date didn't work out too well because he only saw you as a white woman who was attractive he didn't t see your other qualities plus I don't think I would say anything about someone's ethnicity until I get to know the person a little better. Oh I forgot one thing, welcome to the board. Although you have had a rough time in that situation, DC does have good black men who like the women for who they are and aren't skin deep about the women they want to date.

 

Curious- welcome to the boards.

I am sorry to hear about your story with this guy... I don't get it. If he already is on a date with you he is obviously attracted to you... I know it's easier said than done but please don't feel to bad about this, this guy is not looking for a genuine person to date he is just looking for arm-candy (which in his world is a ww) no woman, regardless of race, should end up with a guy who is looking to date someone simply to make himself look better.

 

Oh I'm not worried about D.C. I have never had a problem finding a man, but this is just the first time a guy really wasn't giving me any play because I was black! I mean, I know I don't look like the blackest girl ever, but I have never felt so like, "tainted"...it's ridiculous...I called my mother and she was angry herself.

 

This is a great thread. That stinks that he made you feel bad, curiouswoman. His response was one of surprise and I'm guessing he didn't mean to offend you. Who knows if he hates black women, but at least he was honest about what he wants and didn't call you back making you think he considered dating a biracial woman whilte really wanting a ww. The reality is that men are men; they are going to first and foremost going to want to date a woman who they are physically attracted to. If a man prefers a white woman because of physcial attraction and he INITIATES a date with her than I don't have a problem with that. If a man dates a woman continually ONLY because of her race, then that is something else. I'm sure many other biracial people have had this same experience and it is unfortunate that it happens.

 

Unfortunately, due to your signature, it ain't right unless she's white, I can't really take any sympathy you supposedly display seriously...I mean, aren't you displaying the very sentiment you are supposedly against? Please forgive my frankness, but you seem to be exactly the kind of BM I try to steer clear of, and it actually sickens me that you have that feeling, because I'm not a WW, and I think I'm better than "right". Have a good evening.

 

That guy is what I would call a person having a preference for the wrong reasons. He can have a preference to being with white women, but he don't have to be ignorant and foolish about it, you know what Im sayin?

I know your story around my life as well curiouswoman I know a few very lightskinned black women and biracial women around where I live have it hard for people mistaking them for white, black, other. People thinking they have it easy because they light with good hair but don't know that most of the people that be interesrted in them are just in it because they are light or they think they are another race.

 

That last paragraph is the crux of the matter. "Skin" was all that mattered obviously. That guy has a fetish but thinks it's love. Something similar happened to another bw I know.

 

Curiouswoman, I feel your pain. That being said, I won't go on about how terrible the guy is until you actually know what he is thinking. The guy could have said that just to get out of the date with you (not because he actually wouldn't date a woman of your complexion, but simply because he isn't attracted to you). In that case, I would agree that he could have chosen a better way to end the date

I have been on dates with women that I approached because of physical attraction, but something about their whole demeanor (not that they were negative) just didn't sit right with me. I usually respectfully end the date and never call back (if I get a call as to why I didn't call back, I try to be honest as much as I can without damaging the caller's esteem). Basically, I am saying I wouldn't worry too much about it. There are too many variables here.... and yes I know it seems unfair that you initiated something and then terminated it without giving the woman a chance..but then again that's why it's called a date.


Feels good to post here again! I have been extremely busy, but I read from time to time.