How many of you WW would date a BM from Africa?

Wow, fantastic site! I'm new here and i've spent the last few days going through the various posts made and i must say, given the fact that i am in South Africa where Interracial relationships are not so common, this site is like an Oasis!! (IR's only happen with the wealthy BM...and then its not a lot of them! Reminds me of the post about getting the money first if you want to get a WW!)

Okay, down to the point. I've always been attracted to WW since i was a kid, my first crush was on a blonde girl and i was only 7! i even remember her name and Surname!!!! Everything about a WW makes me go crazy, the skin, the hair, the eyes, the way they talk...and being African of course the way foreign WW talk is just a complete turn on! I've never been able to date a WW, it's very hard to do that in South Africa...you have to be in the right circle and the right circle usually means a hefty pay cheque at the end of every month from your work! I have been with BW but i just never seem to be fully committed to it, i always dream of being with a WW and at the back of my mind i've convinced myself that come high waters or hail, i'm sure i'll come across a beautiful WW who will love me for who i am. (Stopped dating because I figured I was being unfair to the BW I would be dating…needless to say its been a while since I was in a relationship! I’m beginning to feel like I might just die a lonely man!)

My question for all you WW out there is, Would you date a BM from Africa like me?
A bit about myself:
24 year old, Graduated with an LLB and currently writing my Bar exams, Have a goal in regards to my professional life, slim, very shy but that's until i get to know you. I suppose my friends see me as a softhearted person, love nature and trying out new things.

So what do you think? Is there any hope for me out there because i'm struggling to find the love of my life in Africa.

 

1. I believe that your enthusiasm may need a bit more restraint. Some people would interpret it as:

-low self-esteem/self-hatred
-obsession/fetishism for white skin
-threatening and uncivilized, if they are racist/ prejudice, given that you are an African black man

-weakness of the heart, meaning that you are a pansy, and can be easily manipulated or taken for granted



2. There is still hope to find a mate, in fact, there always has been, and there always will be, but it is up to you, yourself, to decide whether or not you want to find someone who either makes you happy, or if you just simply want to find someone. This site may provide an outlet for your right to free choice and expression in your preference, however, this website is just one step up.



3. Hopefully someday, you won't have to advertise yourself so eagerly in order to be perceived as a 'good enough catch for a white woman', and part of that perception is how you perceive yourself as a man who is attracted to white women. Your experiences alone are a dead giveaway of this, and show that although you have experienced an example of the injustices of mankind, there obviously is still some spiritual work to be done inside of you in order to find the right or ideal woman for yourself. Of course I am referring to the work of self-image, but only on the inside.



4. If you can learn to let go of your frustrations and insecurities of finding your ideal woman, then not only will you be able to find/meet someone who values you for who you are, but people will be able to finally see the real you, not the one you present to people because of self-hyper-criticism. Since you already have traits in you that are enough to attract many friends and gain acceptance as well as money, all it takes is the will to ensure yourself that you are worth all that you gain, and you will do just that, provided that you do not excess in ego, or allow the jealous ego of others to excess in you.



5. Finding someone to share you life with is never wrong because of personal choice or attraction, and following your heart along with that is always good, however, when you do these things out of frustration, anger, fear, jealousy,etc. you only invite a karmic backlash of events to instill in you once again, what you have invested into your motivation for the actions you've taken to relieve these feelings of self-doubt. When this occurs, it makes it even harder for people to find out who the real you was, and not just some image you present unto others in order to disguise your negative feelings in order to be appreciated by others, and mostly, people who would naturally value you, will actually miss out on getting to know the real you, who is, by my standpoint, worth the time.



6. All in all, I say, welcome to the forums.
:smt039

 

In answer to your Q: I have dated an African who grew up in Ghana, and he was the kindest, most caring partner of my life, so I would definitely consider it again (were I not otherwise attached).

And since I'm also a law student heading for bar exams, I'd definitely have plenty in common with an African barrister! Are you planning to practice in the UK or US? Good luck on the forum, it can throw up interesting debate at time don't be afraid to say what you think.

 

sardonic Genie) Interesting points you raised in your reply. I'll be honest with you, i've never seen myself as having a low self-esteem. I seem to accomplish a lot in every other aspect of my life but i just seize-up when it comes to women, any woman for that matter! Went to a single sex school my entire life and being naturally shy doesn't help my cause at all. My first week at University was probably the worst week ever! First time i had to interact with women and that was hard. I used to get 'panic attacks' every time i thought of approaching a woman so instead i excelled in everything else except that department. Even now, approaching a woman is still a bit hard but i'm dealing with it rather well i guess...although my heart still beats like i've just been running the 100m!
Given South Africa's history between B & W people, its worse approaching a WW. I'll tell you story...In University (3rd year) i was at a bar with a couple of my friends. It's what you'd call a "white bar". Anyway i was chatting to this blonde girl and the next thing this dude just yanks me out of my chair and drags me outside the bar :shock: Claims to be the girls brother and he didn't like the fact that i was chatting his sister up! Anyway one thing led to another and punches were thrown (not my finest moment i agree ). Funny thing is, next to the "White bar" was a "Black bar" and the next thing it was a face-off between the B guys and the W guys!!! This is University level :!: and that's the kind of mentality we are still dealing with here in South Africa. So i wouldn't peg my situation to low self-esteem/self hatred...its just knowing what's good for your health

Enthusiasm-you might be right on that one and i probably do need to restrain it a bit (yah i did sound like i was trying too hard to sell myself).

Obsession/Fetishism for white skin- ummm...i don't know about that. I certainly notice the WW every time i'm at a Mall or something like that and i think "pretty girl" but i never think beyond that and i don't think i do anything out of the ordinary when it comes to WW. It's just that i'm attracted to them and i think my attraction is somewhat still in a healthy stage.

You mentioned something about self image and the injustices of mankind. Well this has been my approach to the history between B and W people: I'm 24, my earlier years were spent in Zimbabwe and i moved to SA in about '99. My interactions with W people have been good...except for the obb instances here and there. It's a fact of life that you will come across racist pple both B & W and its up to you to make a stand on the whole race issue. Whilst i acknowledge the events of history, i choose to deal with any W person as an individual and make my conclusions about that person based on their person and character and not what history would tell me about the relations between W & B. I figure if Mandela could come out of prison after all those years and has the heart to say "lets be friends", then surely from my personal point of view i have no quams(problems) with W people, i should not, i can not!!...except for the racist individuals i come across. i never had to suffer any torture, jail time or any of that. Then Why should i hate W people? Especially my generation? They are just as much a victim of history as i am. That has been my approach since i was old enough to make an educated decision on that issue. So i hope that sheds some light on my self image inside and my feelings about the injustices of mankind.

Finally the whole Frustrations and insecurities about finding my ideal woman. I know the kind of woman i would like to be with but i often wonder if finding her will be easy in this country (not saying finding your ideal woman is always easy). I wake up each day and deal with whatever comes my way. If i meet her today, great, if not...well, i'll still get up tomorrow and do it all over again! :wink:

Thanks for your insights, i really do appreciate it and i already feel welcome on this forum :lol:

Mistress B- Hah, Fellow Barrister in the making! Are you in the US? Our legal system is diff to the US, we don't have the Jury System. When you walk into a Court in SA, the Judge is your President/god/Jury! so you better pray he didn't have a fight with his wife in the morning I'm currently in Property Law (Real Estate) it's the big thing in SA at the moment! Everyone wants to buy a wine farm or some fancy beach house...which is good for my pocket Anyway i see myself moving to Europe in the next 5 years, various factors have influenced that decision. I'd really want to get into International Law, work for the ICC in Holland...but i still have a long way to go!

 

hi
and welcome to the site
your main question seems to be would a ww from europe or usa date an african
and the answer is of course
i am madly in love with a guy from nigeria
and i'm not the only one here to be dating an African man.
but i have to agree with sardonic - ur enthusiasm may be a little OTT
but then some women may like that!

 

I agree with what they said, your over excitedness would probably freak any woman out.

As for your essential inquiry, I think it's fair to say that most white women prefer a black man from their own culture or atleast a Europeanized black guy. But I've known white women who like African men because they come across as less thuggish than us(African Americans)and then I've known some white women who see them as too nerdy, kind of like the stereotype that's placed heavily upon Asian American men and so they end up being just 'friends' with the white women they hang around.

 

Mmm that's really playing into racist stereotypes African American men are thuggish? and Africans are nerdish..... what planet r these women from???

 

Damn, I miss this site!

Welcome to WWBM. I think Sardonic and others have given some very good advice. Just calm down and take things slowly.

All groups of women have dated and continue to date African men. I don't think you have anything to worry about.

 

hmm , i def wouldn't have picked up on the enthusiasm aspect! But looks like everyone is agreeing about that. Well, will have to work on that then.

Europeanised black guy...might have to work on that a bit Just last week my friend had an outburst about the diff between Africans and Europeans. She's visiting from the Netherlands for about 3 months and we were meant to go away for the Easter Weekend to some wine farm But i cancelled about 2 hours before we could leave...and she flipped!! She totally lost it and she was telling me how she hates the fact that when you are in Cape Town it may look like a European city...until you have to deal with the people, everything is so African. She says in Europe if someone makes an Appointment, they will stick to it etc. That's when i realised i may have a bit more work to do when it comes to the more subtle things about Europeans and Americans. So yah, will have to work on that but as long as i am in Africa, i'll never be able to pick up on the subtle stuff!

 

First and foremost, DON'T approach women with that story... they'll listen to you and believe that you're only interested in them simply because they are white... no woman wants to be an object.

Second, if race relations are really that bad you might want to consider relocating to Europe (England, Germany, Sweden) or North America (United States and Canada). Relocating can be expensive, but there might be some universities that will accept you as an exchange student and you can work on obtaining citizenship once you arrive.

You're physically attracted to white women, and there's wrong with that... but you have to be sincere.

 

vimbainashe, I don't think your story has anything to do with being African. I think she flipped because you canceled on her just a few hours before leaving for something she spent some time planning. Her words might have been the last effort to hurt your feelings for treating her that way.

I agree that you should leave S. A if you get the chance. Just keep in mind that there is no typical white or European woman. I have met some white women who somehow know as much as I do about Africa. On the other hand, I have met those who couldn't care less about anything but their Ipod.

 

ipod...mmmmmmmmmmm

(kidding)


wow I get why your friend flipped out if someone cancelled 2 hours before we were to leave on a trip, I would too.

He'd better have a pretty good reason, like: I broke a leg and have to go to emergency, I've hurt myself and cut a major artery...etc.

I've heard that the perspective/importance of time/appointments can be different in different countries. Like in India, a friend told me that an appointment really was more of a guideline.

Maybe people in European/NA countries are so wound up by the capitalistic clock that 10 minutes late has become a huge inconvenience...like we could have made another 3.52 if we hadn't been held up.

Sheesh!

 

Due to a lack of un-extensive experiences with other cultures people are dependent on stereotypes, sad but true.

 

So far, I have enjoyed this thread as much as the other ones started by the friendly newcomers (good job, guys) and my original post in here was not only a welcome to you, vimbainashe, but also an essay :lol: offering words of wisdom mixed in with constructive criticism. I wanted to be as tactful as I could, since you seem to be a pretty decent guy, but a little naive about some things pertaining to race relations.

It was all out of concern, that's all, but I'm sure you know that already.

 

sardonicGenie ha ha ha look i didn't mean to be too defensive in my earlier post (makings of a defence attorney, i blame my job!) you did give me some good input and opened up a few things i wasn't really aware off and i might be a bit naive about some things pertaining to race so yah, keep the comments coming!

One more question and i'm sure this one will kick up a storm!! I've read threads from other posts about the attraction to WW. Is it so wrong that my first attraction to a woman is the fact that she is of a diff skin colour to me? I'll be honest, that's what gets me going first (and obviously the fact that she's pretty, i'm not just going to go after any WW)...and that's exactly why i'm a member of this forum.

But the information i've come across in some of the threads leaves me feeling a bit wired because most of them give me the impression that if my first attraction to a woman is the fact that she has a diff skin colour to me then i might have issues

 

Well, I can't speak for the threads that other people make, though I think that you are on the right track about it. As for your attraction, well, to me, it seems that at first you had an initial attraction to black women that slowly faded away somehow.

 

I don't see anything wrong with forming an initial interest in a person because they are an interesting skin colour, but after the hi! etc, one would hope that the depthier things are explored and found interesting also.

We are such visual creatures, it's really hard to eliminate the visual element from first attractions.

 

My two very serious relationships I have had were both with African men. I have never found myself interested in a black man from America or anywhere else, actually, out of the ones I have met, but then I don't meet many in my daily life.

 

Of course we would! Actually, my man in some ways is like you, he also did an LLB and later on some other qualifications such as Masters, PhD.

I mean its a plain matter of statistics- I'm sure, if you were somewhere with a higher proportion of white women, you would not have a problem. Also, not all women look for money- I don't, though my man earns a reasonable salary teaching he could earn bucketloads more with his law and other post-graduate qualifications, but I respect his heart, and good humour and that is why I am with him.

Good luck I'm sure you will find your dream girl one day.

 

All the African men I have known are all very good natured men. I like them very much.

The only reason I have not dated an African is because the only ones I have ever come in contact with were at work. I dont date at work at all.

Good luck.