how do you support someone with cancer ?

Wow. Even tougher. If I were married, yes. No question. I took a vow. If I were not, I can't say yes with as much conviction. I think if I were to explain my reason, you would sympathize, but it's personal and too long to get into here. Let's just say I have yet to fully enjoy a full and satisfying sex life, due to my ex's selfishness, a long period of celibacy and other factors. That is something I have waited for for a long time. So to be with a partner who lost the ability to have an erection would be difficult for me, to say the least. While sex isn't first on my list of priorities in a relationship, it is important to me.

I don't honestly know what I would do in that situation. Just being really honest, here.

 

you have to be honest

 

Way to miss the point, Ches. Wish I could help you see this differently. I'm not bitter. I just don't need the othering which goes with being a "blessing" to others because I have a disease.

If I'm a blessing, it is not "despite" my disease or because of it. Any blessing I might be has jack squat to do with my disease.

 

Well said.

 

I hate to take it here but here we go. using gadgets and oral would you be more inclined to stay (not married to the guy)

 

If I loved him certainly. There are a lot of ways we could express sexuality and intimacy.

There was an article I read last week which indicated that men are 6 times more likely than women to leave if their partner was diagnosed with cancer or MS. Which is one reason I stay alone - not only is it unfair to drag a guy into this - it's not fair to me to open myself up to hurt that's likely to ensue if this becomes more degenerative.

 

It's not just about what I would miss getting, it's about what I would miss giving. If you catch my drift...

 

And THAT's My point, Pixie. You COULD be bitter & complaining. But you aren't. You COULD sit around and feel sorry for yourself, but you don't. Like it or not, I am inspired by that. But if you don't wish to hear that, fine. I'll move along.

 

With all the discussion lately about individuality, it's unfortunate that you base any aspect of your decision on "some article that you read". The potential to leave of stay, IMO, is not affected by gender as much as the individual in the relationship with you, the associated dynamics of the relationship and his or her feelings on loyalty and commitment.

 

I have to play the odds here. It is a two-way thing - dragging a man into a life which somedays feels like a cage that's getting smaller all the time is not doing him any favors. And falling in love, scared that they'll dump me when the going gets rough isn't conducive to happiness either.

It's not the first time I've read studies like this, btw, the statistics are pretty consistent across all of them. It' my guess that men tend to feel pretty helpless when their partner is ill, and powerlessness is something a lot of men don't deal well with

 

read the latest 15 posts. nothing here. try again.