how do you support someone with cancer ?

here is an article to give you that advice to start

http://elev8.com/health/elev8staff2...t-a-loved-one-who-has-cancer/?omcamp=EMC-CVNL

how do you support someone who is going thru trials and tribulations of other kinds

 

Just be there and listen.

Try to think of little things they might need.

I am going through this with my sis at the moment and I just try to be anything she needs me to be.

 

Well I work with cancer patients every day - I organize delivery of their medicine (for people who can't afford it). I make sure that my care to them over the phone is exceptional and that they feel that they are a priority to me.
I hear the way some of my other coworkers talk to them, and I make sure that I always talk to them as equals, and never talk down to them. I talk to them as a friend, even if it means that my calls are longer, and my supervisors frown on my "call stats". I also double-check my orders to make sure they are correct, to make sure that no mistakes are made with each delivery of medication that I schedule, so that each person gets his or her medication on time. It is of life or death importance to me.

I have had family members die of cancer, and have friends who have survived cancer, including a coworker who sits next to me who has just survived it, so I never forget that cancer is a very real thing and could happen to any one of us at any time.

 

My boss found out on the same day that his wife's lung cancer has returned after almost 5 years in remission and that his father has stomach & liver cancer which is inoperable. Talk about feeling helpless. All I can do is pray and listen and offer to help.

 

That's so sad. It seems that it is harder for the loved ones than the ones going through it - at least to the observer. At least for the one with the cancer they have something to fight - the loved ones just have to stand by and watch helplessly - it's so hard on them...

You are doing the right thing, chesbay.

 

Thanks, SA. This is the father's third bout with cancer of some form. I don't know if he has the same motivation to fight this time. He's not taking it well.

My (former) mother-in-law works for an oncologist and she says their patients always inspire them. Rather than feeling down, the staff is cheered by the strength, fortitude & optimism of the patients. I feel as though I would go home bawling every day.

 

The cancer patients I talk to every day are always so polite and appreciative of everything we do (the medication that they can't otherwise afford)... I am always mindful of the pain they go through during their treatments, especially from talking with my friends and what they have described (how awful it is...) - they are truly remarkable. You can hear how sick they are, but they try to hide it.

I hope that the father can find the strength to fight, but it's understandable how he might want to give in - we all have only so much to give - especially depending on our support systems. Everyone doesn't have a strong one... (not saying his isn't, but I wonder what it would be like for me, for example...being isolated in everyday life.) Anyway, I think suffering makes people stronger in many ways...

 

To add:
One important thing is to have patience and not take anything personal. As a cancer patient goes through the stages of recognition and acceptance of their disease, tempers can fly and you might not recognize the person.

When my mother was diagnosed w breast cancer she became a complete bitch, both me and her boyfriend often stood and scratched our heads when we tried to to something nice and it was paid back w a tantrum.

Its natural. and to support someone that is going through tough stuff - let it go Its not about you, its not personal, its about feeling powerless etc.

Just be there. Some people don't know what to say and stop bothering the person w an illness, wrong. I cant recall how many times my mother shouted at me and told me to get the hell out..... I just stayed and said, it didn't matter how much she yelled, I will be here. She has later told me that that was the right thing to do. Just to be there, not speak, just quiet support when there are tough moments.

 

Please, please do NOT tell people with cancer or other disabling diseases that they are "inspirational." It's incredibly insulting - it's a form of "othering" which makes us feel like we aren't regular people any more - that all we are is the disease, and that our only value is in being an inspiration. No one likes being put on a pedestal, or feeling like their every move and statement is going to be monitored for "inspiration."

Some days, we feel like shit, and we want to be free to say "Hey, I feel like shit today, I'm not sure it's worth the effort to keep going." We need to vent too.

We are people with diseases, not diseases with people attached.

Just my two cents, but I had a bellyful of this today, along with people telling me they know "just exactly" how I feel because they once knew someone with MS. Sorry, if you're not in my body, you haven't got a clue. While it may be that people just don't know what to say, and feel guilty about being healthy when I am not, the answer is neither to co-opt my experience and tell me you know what it is, or to make me into some sort of noble inspiration. In both cases, you're actually disappearing the sick person into some reflection of your own needs.

That's not particularly helpful to someone whose life is already in crisis.

 

That, and the sad puppy eyes... cant stand the sad puppy eyes - feeling sorry for someone is never received well.

 

No, because when you do that, you're putting them on a lower level than yourself. It never feels nice to be condescended to. It may not be the intent to do so, but it's how that comes across.

We have enough trouble navigating life day to day without having to discern your intention and forgive the clumsiness of its delivery.

 

That may be how you feel and that's fine. But I would like to know (if I am ever facing a disabling disease or terminal illness) that even on my worst day that I can still inspire someone, that despite the pain & sickness, I can still make someone else feel good instead of knowing people think I'm a drag or don't want to be around me because i'm just one big downer.

I AM inspired when I encounter people who can keep a positive attitude & bring cheer to others despite facing incredible obstacles. I find it rather sad that you find that insulting, but to each his/her own. Pitying someone is one thing. Admiring their strength and being inspired to face my own difficulties with a better attitude is altogether different

 

I'm sorry, but it's something most of my disabled friends agree on. To make our reaction to our disease be what your inspiration is about is unpleasant. What if we have an off day? We don't react the way we do to our diseases to be inspiring, we do it because frankly, what the hell else are you going to do? You get up every morning & the disease is still there. So are your bills, your kids, your job if you're lucky enough to have one. Pushing through is what everyone does on a daily basis, not just us. EVERYONE has obstacles to deal with, and no one wants to be judged by their obstacles. It's about as polite to tell me I'm inspiring as it is to tell an black lawyer that he is an inspiration and a credit to his race. I'm sure you see the problem with that. Ableism is just as valid as racism, but we don't talk about it much.

Be amused by my humor, enjoy my company, like my approach to politics or children or puppies or whatever, but don't reduce me to my disease by selecting that as the thing you find inspiring about me.

I'm not saying you can't like me or find me fun, or whatever, but to reduce your reaction to me to how I handle my disease is really depressing. It makes me think that's all I am.

 

You are the first person I have encountered who feels this way. Forgive me if i seem frustrated by your posts. In my experience, most of the people l've encountered in similar situations are happy that they can be a blessing despite what they are dealing with. They choose to live with grace instead of complaining & bitterness, which is easier. I'm blessed by that choice and those who make it._

 

Tree Pixie pretty much covered it, but just treat them exactly as you would anyone else. If they piss you off get mad, if they say something funny laugh, if you want to talk about something talk about it. If you want to help out(practical, emotional, etc) make it absolutely clear that you are willing to help out in any way and that they should let you know if you need it, then shut up about it.

People with cancer/other illnesses don't want to be reminded of it every 4 seconds. Sitting around with a group of people holding your hand and welling up as they say "And how are you?", "You're so brave!", etc. is depressing! Friends will get mad if you do something they don't like, friends will laugh with you and talk freely, friends take the piss out of you...having everyone suddenly turn into mourners is ugh.

 

as a man if I was married to a woman who has breast cancer how will I continue to make her feel good after she looses her breast

 

treat her exactly the same as before

 

explain. I know what you mean but to have success at that you would have to get pass your hang ups ...rite ?

 

This is a tough one. I know what eleven means, but as a woman, I would always be conscious of that breast not being there and would feel less sexy no matter what my guy said. I don't think I would ever feel beautiful in his eyes again, unless I had reconstructive surgery. Maybe that's just my insecurity.

 

would you stay with a guy who lose his ability to get an erection due to cancer