How do ya'll feel about/deal with prejudice?

I had a long conversation with a friend of mine last night about the WW he's seeing & he brought up the subject of prejudice; it made me think of this thread. His concern is that it won't work out with her because he's worried that she can't understand or appreciate his experiences. He's also gotten some grief about her from his family & it's stressing him out, but he refuses to talk to her about it. She's also dealt with some issues for being with him, but he says "she handles stuff in almost a too positive way"...that makes no sense to me. Her "positive way" is not letting idiots phase her & being extremely supportive, & there's nothing wrong with that imo. Things have gotten pretty serious between them, but he's still afraid to let his guard down. It's like he's projecting that fear onto whatever possible future they might have & pshyching himself out.

He knows my take on the whole situation, but I don't know what else to tell him. I suggested getting a male point of view from a BM who's been there, but he's too embarrassed to bring it up to any of the men he knows (he's being a weenie imo). So, I was wondering if any of you guys who been there could give me some insight to pass on to him. I think he really loves this woman, but I think he's letting the fear of what might happen get in the way of his happiness.

Btw, this is also his first interracial relationship.

 

Thanks, JC.

 

The sad thing is he's listening to too many negative people & he's doubting himself. He's freaking out about things like how his family will accept their future children or how society will treat them. He's also worried about when things come upon them as a couple, she won't be able to handle it, but the truth is, she handles things better than he does. I think she's got his back 100%, but he's letting the fear that she might change her mind if things get tough make him crazy. I'm just worried he's sabotaging himself; it'd be a shame if things don't work for them, because they're damn near perfect for each other. Like I said before, it's his first IR. He's 40 years old & she's the first woman he's ever dated who wasn't black, & I think he doesn't know what to do with himself (especially since his family is being ugly about it).

I even tried to get him to check out the forum, but he just looked at me like I was crazy. lol

 

In small towns like the one I live in, it can get ugly sometimes. Although some of the rednecks & mexicans still tend to talk a lot of shit, for me it has improved quite a bit over the last 20 years.Of course everyone around here knows who we are (another small town disadvantage), so they don't mess with us as much as they used to.

My friend however lives in Dallas where it's not as bad because it's more common. His issues seem to stem from being 40 years old & never dealing with this situation before. His biggest concern is his family. His parents are in their early 70's & he heard all his life "don't be bringing home a white girl" from them. I'm sure their age has a lot to do with their old school thinking. His siblings are also giving him some grief about it. He just recently took her to east Texas to meet his family for the first time; he expected that there'd be some kind of reaction, but I think he got more than he was expecting. IMO at 40, he's too old to be sweating what others think (especially a family he seldom sees anyway). He says he wants to marry his gf, but he's not sure he should because he's worried she won't be able to relate to what he's going through. Of course the dummy won't talk to her about it either which makes no sense to me. I don't think he's giving her enough credit.

He was married once before & his wife died of cancer when he was in his early 30's, & the woman he's with now is the first serious relationship he's had since his wife died. In addition to the IR situation, he's also feeling guilty about the depth of his feelings for this woman; he says it feels kinda like he's cheating on his dead wife. He's pretty much a basket case these days, but I think he's making the situation harder than it has to be. I just keep praying for them, because I think they belong with each other.

 

Thanks, FG. Some parts of Texas definitely have issues, but there are cities where it's common enough that few people flinch when they see IR couples. Texas isn't as bad as people seem to think it is.

 

Honestly, I think he's just scared shitless.

 

He seemed fine until he introduced her to his family; now he's talking all crazy. Like the "issues" their future children will have...who says at their age they'll even have any, or worrying about his family's opinion when he rarely sees them. I just wonder if he just feels so strongly about her that it scares him. He's not aware that I know this, but a mutual friend of ours told me he's already bought a ring & was planning to propose , so obviously he's serious about her. It's like the situation is becoming to real for him & it's freaking him out. I told him he was worse than a teenage boy, lol.

I wish I'd been a fly on the wall at his parents house just to know what they said to him & vice versa.

 

I hope he is too. It would definitely be a shame. IMO they're perfect for each other. I just keep praying for them & God willing it will work out for them.