How do I talk to my husband?

I've been going back and forth with my husband about going to church. We used to go but when we decided to change churches, he kind of fell off. I tried keeping him going but it was a fight every time. He has been saved and baptized as an adult. He has a lot of "hang ups" when it comes to going to church.

1. He feels like we can do at home, what we do at church, praise god.
a. I feel different when I'm at church and he just doesn't understand that. I like hearing someone preach the word.

2. He lost both of his parents before the age of 18 to drugs and bad living. His family was not really there for his brother and himself during this time. He often wonders how God could let this happen to him.
a. How do I explain that God did not "do this to him", and I really do believe God takes an evil situation and makes good out of it.

3. He has a cousin who is a pastor and he's a dirty pastor. My husband thinks most pastors are this way. He can't stand the thought of giving to the church when the pastor is just going to take the money. And the pastor is preaching words that he doesn't even go by.
a. I think it is so hard to find a good church. It's definitely worth trying. I want my children to see my husband go to church and have those beliefs instilled in them. I just don't want to do it alone because it won't be as effective. I have 2 sons and they need to see a man do this, not always the mother.

I have ran into these problems concerning church with other bm's so what gives? Why so negative when it comes to church?

Any help would be appreciated.

 

Talk is cheap. You got to show him a better way. Make sure you are sitting in the pew every chance you get and he will see the positive good it does in your life.

 

Religion.

I would agree that being a living example is the best way if talking hasn't worked so far.
Even as an avowed atheist I can see that church is beneficial for some as a great social network, and a place for some to feel fufilled .Good luck.

 

I don't think that's a *thing* with black men in general. Actually...I've had black men ask me to let them know when I would be going to church so that they could come visit the church I go to. That has simply come from my sharing things that I may have gotten out of the service or my involvement. I've been really happy about that because the church happens to be a very "white church" because of the community and one of my goals (along with a few of my friends) is to have it be more diverse.

I think the best way to go about it is for you to go and get involved however you wish to. I find that people become interested in things you are doing and will want to participate. If he sees it as a positive experience for you and that transfers over into your relationship with him...I think he's much more likely to go.

Any issues he has about church are things he would have to work out. I know my oldest son had some issues about God and his having serious chronic illness. Those were things he had to work out. He did get some books and ask some questions. But it took him being comfortable with those he ended up asking of.

As far as finding a good church - that can be tough. I think it's important to remember that our relationship is with God and the relationship with the church is different. Different churches will match up in our lives at different times. I looked for one with a very strong children's ministry (for children of all ages through college) and had different activities that we all would be interested in. Also lots of family and community events/activities. Honestly...I prayed about it a lot and felt that I would be guided to the right church. I'm always open to the possibility that a different church might be a better fit at a different time.

 

I say respect his wishes. If he does not want to go then you should respect that. He has his reasons.

 

You forget she's a woman, and women want their way. Forget about the man's feelings.

 

Just out for curiosity: why do people answer to threads that haven't been active in a year?

 

Because sometimes a proper answer needs a gestation period and fuck church.

 

Because the topic may still be relevant for some people. If you don't like it, don't read it.

 

How does the saying goes, "If Buda don’t want to go the mountain bring the mountain to Buda" Not sure though, but what I am trying to say is to invite church clergy people to your house for a service. That way he will be able to make his own observation and hopefully it will be good. Also try to get someone, preferably a man(from the same church as you) to befriend him, somebody with a similar background, if possible. I believe the church is underestimating the power of testimonies.

P.S I didn't know there were christian females on this site.

 

Adults can make the decision whether they want to go to church or not. Just pray for him and leave him be.

 

I've out grown church, as a matter of fact religion altogether, maybe it's the same thing with him, and he's just trying gradually break it to you.

 

I disagree 100 % he'll take it as manipulation.:smt018

I agree with Jaisee, he's an adult, leave him be, and he'll make up his own mind. Pray for him and be a testimony to him in your actions. You can't help him in his own quest for God, he has to find it on his own and if you manipulate the situation he will resent it, and it can be a real hindrance to his coming around.

Respect him for the man he is, concentrate on the faith you know he has, and encourage him there, don't try to manipulate him. If he's a good man trust him, sometimes men have good reasons for not wanting to attend church.

 

It's actually "If Mohammed wont go to the mountain, the mountain must come to Mohammed"..

Curiosa: The saying is actually the other way around from the beginning. If the mountain wont come to Mohammed, then Mohammed has to come to the mountain.
Francis bacon wrote it, an original name used was Mahomet, I'm guessing an elderly spelling of Mohammed. In the swedish saying we use the prophet instead of mohammad, I'm thinkin that most countries do that, so probably thats why the prophet has been exchanged for buddha, or other god. ^^
Hello, I'm wiki-surfin..

 

Interesting, I've never heard that one before.

Kawabunga Duuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuude!!!!!!!!

 

That is where you are wrong, who said he is seeking God at all. This is exactly what the devil would want from the people surrounding him, to leave him on his own especially his wife. I am not saying that she should preach to him every moment of the day, but rather that services could be held at his home maybe once every two months. I know what I am talking about, this house service allow people who are even normally withdrawn type of person/introvert to open up. Again, do you have a men’s group in your church.

 

I have to disagree with you. Let me ask you this: suppose your significant other tried to force their beliefs on you? How would you take it? I know if I were OP's husband, I would'nt take too kindly of church people coming to my home. The only thing that would beat me to the divorce lawyer would be the headlights on my car.

Like was said before. Leave him be. Respect his wishes.

 

Are you from Namibia??