Hey everyone! looking for advice.

Hello everyone! I have been a long time lurker on this board and have made a few posts, but i thought i’d introduce myself properly

I actually stumbled upon this site when I was looking for advice. I guess I just wanted to make sure my questions hadn't been answered before I posted about them. I was, and still am (over half a year later), completely head over heels for a black man. I'm working as a barista to get through uni - and he is the dude who delivers coffee beans and other things to the store 3 days a week. We see each other a lot but never get to talk - every time he visits there are 3 other girls working in the store with me (which makes explaining how I feel pretty difficult with an audience), and he's only ever around for a few mins.

When i first started working there he showed a few signs that made me think he might be interested, and apparently he would ask after me if i wasn't there, but after a while he just payed me no mind and acted as though i wasn't there. Basically i'm worried about saying something, being rejected, and then having to see this guy 3 damn days a week! I know i'm seriously lacking balls right now...but if anyone has any advice about how I can handle this...I would appreciate it 10 times over!

Anyway I look forward to posting more and getting to know all of you in the future!

 

So this isn't going to be great advice...more along the lines of my thoughts on the matter ...

I think you should just come clean and tell him. I wouldn't go into you being "head over heels for him", just because that may be a bit strong considering you don't know him really, but let him know you like him. You're gorgeous and you seem like a sweet woman...I'd imagine the only way he turns you down is if he's taken. If you're not comfortable telling him that you dig him, what about just starting to talk to him again. Get the lines of communication back open and see where it goes. Go after what you want!! You see what waiting around gets you (you're no closer to a date than you were 6 months ago), so why not give it the ol college try and chat him up? If you start showing interest again, maybe he'll fall in line. Who knows, maybe he stopped talking to you because he thought you weren't interested.

Good luck!

 

Thanks for your response! I think that is what I needed to hear. Although i think i should add it's probably not "head over heels" (that's does sound a bit dramatic haha), just the strongest i have felt about someone that I don't know extremely well. It definitely isn't lust either, he just has this amazing energy, I can't even describe it. Next time I see him, I will say something. I will let you know how it goes!!

 

I'm going to have to agree with raider. Open up the lines of communication with him. You're a beautiful woman so he has got to be interested in you and may have just backed off because he thought you weren't interested or he is now in a relationship.

Good luck and let us know how you go

 

Wow, looking the way you do, one would never expect that you might fear rejection.
I mean of course we all do, but the way you look you should have a long line of guys you can pick from.

On the other hand, that might be exactly the problem.
Maybe that's also what he thinks?

You said that apparently hes asked about you, right?
So maybe he is just as afraid to make the move as you are.

Try to find something to talk about with him and send some signals like smiling.
If he is interested, that should open the door imo.

Good luck and keep us posted!

 

Hi Gracious

Just go for it, slip him your number, you don't even have to say a word he will get it. (But if he is now in a relationship, as Tarshi mentioned then that may be why he has stopped showing you any form of attention.)

GO FOR IT though, slip him your number, you have nothing to loose and if you do, you will never have to think back and say to yourself, what if....




I've done it and it works.... GO FOR IT.

 

My god! That is perfect. How did I not think of that! that seems the solution, because honestly i'm not sure how to go about telling him in a cramped little coffee store space with 3 other people breathing down my neck....I just end up crumbling and feeling shitty about myself.

May I ask, how did you go about doing it? I'm intrigued!

 

I too didn't want my co-workers to know of my interest in this guy, plus I honestly was too nervous to verbally ask him out. So I wrote my name and number on a small piece of paper and slipped it right into the palm of his hand as discretely as I could. He knew what I was doing so he played along and discretely placed the paper in his pocket, he texted me almost as soon as he left the office and he also called me that night.

 

So admire you, I'm not sure I could do that

 

Yep, i'm sold on that approach! Even though that still takes courage. Hopefully i'll have an update by next week
I am done with being gutless about this.

 

Good for you.

 

This is great! I did this with one guy (only gave my email addy instead of phone - just thought it might be more comfortable. Turns out I should've given the phone number - his computer had crashed! Lol).

I have to think he will be flattered, even if he is with someone else. And who knows? Maybe if he is, and it doesn't work out, he has your number....

Would love to see some guys weigh in on your question...

 

He has every right to be flattered ches. Its not everytime you see women go in on guys like that. I seriously don't have any advice for you Gracious, other than "follow you heart, make your mistakes" while i sit back and marvel at that lucky bastard.

All i know is, If I was that black guy(I guess he must look like Will smith or Denzel), I will blush soo bad that I will be eating coffee beans for months.
Just goes to show that alot of things some guys say over here about Whitewomen are entirely false. You do have hot ww interested in black guys. Bravo to the brave women.

 

Haha, he's definitely not a denzel or a will smith. But it's not really about that for me, especially with this guy. It's more about the *way* he is, if that makes any sense. The way he walks, talks, carries himself, all that stuff. He's such a sweet guy.

 

Yes! This all makes sense (but I'm a woman so of course I get it lol). Many men fail to realize that there is so much more to attraction than looks. When you take things like personality, confidence, the way a man treats us, walks/talks/carries himself...an "average Joe" can quickly become the sexiest man walking! I've known a few men, who at first glance wouldn't necessarily catch my eye, but after getting to know them became incredibly sexy.

I hope you get a date out of him Gracious!

 

This is what I would do, given what you (gracious) describe.. With all the people around and he only being there for a few.

 

That is good advice. Do that bold move and communicate. Wished most women could do such bold things.

 

I have to agree. Go for it! He won't turn you down unless he's in a serious relationship.. I'm sure of it.

 

Talk to him. Learn who he is and what he is about. Good luck.