"He's with a white woman, he's fair game"

The title may seem like an patronizing comment, but it incites a legitimate question.

The question has been asked before, "...how can you tell if a white women is interested in a black man..."

Ladies, when you see another ww with a bm, an appealing black man, is that an unspoken signal to other white women...a bat signal of some sorts? :idea:

That may seem like a juvenile question, but I'm sure some of the other fellas have experienced the "disarming" of white women once they're seen with one of their kind.

I mentioned in another thread that I seem to never get attention from white women in the general public, despite being an attractive, very fit, well-groomed, alway-smelling-good, black male.

However, I recall on one occasion, I was in a sparsely attended restaurant with a white lady acquaintance and as I pardoned myself to go to the men's room, I swear that every white woman in the place was staring at me...it was like I was in slow-motion in a Spike Lee movie. They seemed to give an "I'd-like-to-have-you" glance/smile. I liked the attention. Mind you, this was in a white suburban/retail area. Nonetheless, this has only happened when I'm with a ww

So this begs the question, does seeing a bm w/a ww disarm your reservations about his preferences?

 

You know, I have gone back and forth with my man about this. I've asked many times, "how did you know to approach me"? My husband says he's really not sure but he said he knew when he saw me that I was down with bm. I just give them "the eye" and see if he's giving it back to me or if he's staring just a little too long. There's no shortage of mixed couples in my area so maybe it's where you live. This is a hard question and I've hear people ask it before but never heard a good answer.

 

Well it's always nice to see a BM with a WW, I like it. Does that make him "fair game" not in my world since he obviously has a woman.
But if I know he is single, I find him attractive and I know he likes WW (maybe I've seen him before or whatever) then I would feel more comfortable approaching him since I know he is open to dating WW.

 

I noticed the same things as Intriguedone...

When I'm outside, around the city, I get no attention from ww. But when i'm with a friend who is a ww, other ww come outta no-where. Just last week, I've was having lunch with a friend who is a ww. Our waitress, a ww, started flirting with me. My friend noticed and took some offence b/c the waitress had no idea if we were a couple or just friends. Anyway, similar situations happen when I'm with a friend who is a ww. But rarely when I'm alone or with a non-ww-friend.

Not to brag, but I'm a good looking man. 6ft, 200 lbs, athletic...so why do these ww only come out of woodwork when I'm with another ww ?

Is One in the hand, really worth two in the bush ?

 

Thanks JD for co-signing my observation. Ladies, let me clarify that I don't mean that he's "fair game" literally, it just seems that perhaps seeing him with a ww seems to dissarm other ww, some ww I should say. They become a little friendlier, their body language is a little more welcoming. It's almost like, "Ok, he's part of the family, I can let my hair down".

That might seem simplistic, but I can't help notice it. Like JD, (humbly as possible) I can say I'm an attractive person, not as tall as JD (only 5'10"), but very well built. People ask me all the time if I play or have played football (I did). However, I don't get a 2nd look if I'm alone or with one of my boys. It's frustrating.

I'll get sistas giving me attention (very welcomed), but no other races of women. I don't think I'm an intimidating person. What gives?

 

I will only say, thanks for confirming my suspicions.

 

It goes back to what Chi says.

No one likes to be rejected, and a ww doesn't want to be rejected b/c of race anymore than a bm does. Seeing a bm with a ww takes that uncertainty out of the picture, that's all.

 

True dat !

 

I see what you mean...I had that exact experience with a waitress, also.

 

There was a thread a long time ago that mentioned that ww become far more attractive when a bm learns they are attracted to bm.

That may be a generalization, but I'd have to agree to a point. It's not that they literally become more attractive, but I suppose you get the feeling she's "one of us" and you can approach her. I'm sure JD and Justaguy can relate.

I'm guessing ww feel the same, perhaps. But why not show interest even if you don't know the person is open to your advances? Why wait for the "Bat Signal"?

 

It goes back to what fnnysmrtprtty said....."No one wants to be rejected". On top of that, in our society the amount of skin pigment your are born with has become a barrier to one of the most basic of all animal behaviors: socializing & mating.

I'm not immune to it...I typically do not approach ww. But I do appraoch bw and hw without hesitation. From my experience, I can predict with a high level of certainty that a bw and hw are into a bm. With ww, it's a toss up unless she makes it obvious. So i guess I play the numbers. I know that I can get with many bw and hw. But with ww or even aw, it's hard to know if she is interested. Even when a ww looks my way, I say to myself "Is she interested ? Or is she looking out of curiosity b/c I'm the only brotha in this place?"...This is how it was when I was in college. And now that I live in NYC not much has changed...

 

If I see any man with a woman I usually assume they are together so I wouldn't do anything.

If I'm attracted to a man I would look at him and smile, maybe say hi. But I'm not one that would approach further than that.

 

I agree, form the womens point of view, that when you see a bm with a ww, it is like a "go ahead" that he DOES have an interest in white women. and jus like FSP was saying, no one wants to be rejected. In my personal opinion, it would be a little difficult for me to apprach a bm that was by himself or with other bm for fear of learning that he was not attracted to me/ww

 

Because WW figure that if other WW are with you, you are a sought out commodity. This is true for any situation involving a man and woman together and another woman.

Plus, there's the challenge of prying you away from the other woman...a challenge most women love.

 

Ladies, is this true? Be honest.... :?:

 

can we just visit the waitress scenario...she is making 2.15 an hour...the woman is trying to get a decent tip out of your table...LMFAO...trust me when you are working for tips every man is handsome and every girl with him has either a cute sweater on or something else fabulous about her...it is a know fact that more attractive people in the service industry make more in tips...the customers over tip based on how they felt about the experience...

 

That's a valid point Lipstick. That's the main reason I rarely go to strip clubs and when I do, I avoid "cozying" up with the dancers.

...but damnit, why can't these women just be brave enough to let us know they're available to us?! DAMNIT! :x

 

For me and the majority of women I know, it is not true. If I see a ww with a bm, or any couple at all, I think that they are lucky to have found each other. And the thought of "prying" any man away from another woman wouldn't even enter my mind. Why would anyone knowingly hurt another woman like that? I do my best to avoid people with that sort of mindset.

 

intrigue...i think i may have to teach a class...i don't have "any" reservations about letting a man know i am interested...and trust me when i tell you that on occasion i have had a man say to me, "i don't do vanilla" ...no harm no foul...i'm sure as he catches my backside as i am walking away he wishes he did though...LOL...what does a person have to lose? i would give you the same advice...if you see someone that you are interested in why not? find out if she is also interested in you...does it really matter if she has dated a bm before? maybe you would be her first? maybe it's more about who you are than the color of your skin that attracts you to her...just some things to ponder...in the meantime, get out there and make a few ladies days with your handsome self...you just never know when one of those women you opened the door for or gave a genuine compliment to is going to give you a second head turn...

 

No, no, no. The challenge mentality would be immature, in my book.