Help me

Please help me. I don't know what to do.

Some of you will know I've been dating someone since May-June. We usually speak every day for about an hour to two hours, and send numerous texts.

Yesterday we were supposed to meet up in the afternoon. He also said he would cancel his usual evening plans to spend time with me, as he had to let me down on Saturday (he was working).

I had a text from him at 3.30pm saying "hey, pretty much finished, i'll call you shortly to arrange to meet up". Then a couple of general chatty texts until about 4pm. Never heard anything more from him after that.

Assumed he had got busy and was being rubbish. Then started to feel worried about 8pm. I had called his mobile and home number a few times - no reply to either. I started out walking to his house (he's only 15 minutes walk away). On my way, I had a call from his home number but it wasn't him: it was a woman who simply said "sorry wrong number" twice, then hung up. I called back but no answer. When I got to his house, no one answered the door.

This all happened yesterday. I have heard nothing from him at all today. His house number just rings and rings, and his mobile phone has been dead. He is self employed so it is absolutely weird for his mobile to be dead, as he relies upon it. He never normally fails to pick the phone up either - if he's busy, he usually picks up and says "i'll call you in 10 minutes/hour" etc.

I was going out of my mind with worry so I dropped round to his house about 3pm today. Still no answer to the door - dropped a note in with my phone number (in case his phone had been lost and he had therefore lost my number).

I now have absolutely no idea what to do or what is going on. Please help/advise.

 

go to the police ask them. But only if this is realy unusal to him.

 

I would call the hospitals. When you started your story, it sounded like he was married or involved with someone else. Now it really sounds like something happened to him.

Does he have an office (you mentioned he was self employed)? I would try going by there to see what is up there.

 

Your concerns are well-founded, as his lack of communication seems out of character. I would not make anymore calls for a bit, but if there is no sign of activity at his place or where he would work beyond 24 hours, I would call the authorities and explain that this may be a silly girlfriend/boyfriend thing, but you would rather be safe than sorry. The calls could mean that he lost his phone and those who "retrieved" it could be snooping his call list and stored numbers. Good luck with this.

 

Oh no =(
Any family or friends of his you can contact?
Good luck.

 

What about calling his parents or relatives? Or friends? Call everybody! If nobody saw him or knew soemthing about him, maybe you better go to the police....
I thought he probably lost or somebody stole his phone, but that doesn't explain why he doesn't open the door... I don't know, my ex did the same things.... but he was just too coward to tell me he wanted to break up and I hope it's not your case. I hope everything is ok.
Updates us as soon you have news.

 

mistressb...any update? have you been by the house in the evening? any lights? activity in the house? everyone has already made the same suggestions that i would have made...office? friends? family? police? hospitals? have you spotted his car anywhere?

i hope eveything is okay and this turns out to be just a silly misunderstanding...
:-|

 

I hope he turns up soon. Why hasn't he called you is the funny thing. Even if his cell is out of service.

 

Got a call from the goofball around 10pm last night. His explanation was thus:

He recorded all night at a studio on Saturday (I knew this already: he called me in the studio). On the following day, tired and disorientated, he managed to leave and travel partway home, leaving his personal property (wallet, phone, keys etc) at studio.

The studio was unstaffed as it was Sunday so he had to wait until after work on Monday to pick up his stuff. His phone was obv not with him, and he hadn't been home (stayed at sisters) as he had no keys.

He says he wasn't there on Sunday and didn't really believe that a girl had phoned me. He then asked if she was french (which she was) and concluded it was his nephew's girlfriend. Various people do use his house as a drop in for free resources/recording studio and he thinks his nephew did this and brought his girlf with him.

The explanation has the ring of truth given: 1/ no other evidence he is playing away, 2/ he's not that sexual a guy so doubt he would be bothered with two women at a time, and 3/ he's so objectionable that no two women could put up with him.

So there we go - order is restored :

Thanks for support)

 

Glad to hear that, MistressB!!

But, did he give you an explanation as to why he didn't call you from his sister's house?

 

Well, he hasn't as yet but I do intend to follow that up. I don't think he had my number as his phone was dead, but he could really have dropped around my house and left a note or something.

 

Exactly. But you know, What is obvious for women, isn't obvious for men, so sometimes they just don't do things that we consider important.... like saying "I'm still alive, don't have any heart attack for me!!!!". Geez.

 

He is cheating on you and it looks to me that you are in denial

 

HI MB,

Hate to be a cynic but I'm inclined to agree with the brother above. That thing about being locked out of his house on Sunday neither excuses nor explains why he stood you up on Saturday night and also made no attempt to contact you that night or the following morning and afternoon.

A recording studio would almost certainly have a pc available for visiting artists to download/upload tracks, riffs, effects etc. He could have sent you an email, now if he has a hotmail/yahoo account and you are on his 'Contacts' list, then there's no excuse.

Even if he didn't have either your moby or landline number memorised (which is plausible, given you've only known him since May and most people nowadays, simply use the 'Contacts' list or 'Call Register'), he could have sent you an email. Also, most people after an all-nighter, even a booze-filled one, get up not that long after lunch, between 1 and 3. Given a couple of hours for shower/breakfast etc

Most suspicious of all is why that French girl picked up the phone at all, only to put it down. That one pretty much speaks for itself.

I really hope I'm completely wrong and paranoid, but it all just smells too fishy.

 

Whatever it is, he´s hiding something..I think that,too..

 

Has anyone read the book Blink by Malcom Gladwell? It's about making snap decisions and judgments without having all the facts. He argues that when you make these "snap decisions/judgments" based on what you know, without having all the facts, your conclusion is more right as if you did have all the facts. So in your case when you couldn't "connect" with your man whatever feeling you had at that moment was correct; whatever the feeling was. The initial feeling is called "intuitive repulsion". Meaning you know something is not right, but just can't put your finger on it.


Hmm...the only thing I can say is if your gut tells you otherwise then listen to it; if it doesn't feel right, it's not right.

 

Yes mate, it's called "Your-logical-underlying-self-momentarily-seeing-through-societally-promoted-bullshit-before-that-bullshit-suppresses-it"!!

Cool phrase, I'll be using it.

 

Smells Fishy to me also, I know I'm the usual cynic when it comes to these things but this time I'm not the only one who thinks it.

If he couldn't get in his house ie unable to get to his keys, how did that woman get into his flat and ring your number? if it was his nephews girlfriend then that means his nephew must have keys? why not ask the nephew to let him into his house?
Why would the girl pick up the phone and call you? just does not make sense, even if they use his phone to make calls why check calls list or 1471 and ring your number?

There is more to this I bet.