Height/Build - a double standard?

A question for the men & women here:

In talking with my lady friends, most are open to a man of varying builds, but almost ALL prefer a man of a certain height (ladies - please chime in if my observations are way off!)

For men, it seems that they are more open to women of varying heights, but rather prefer a certain kind of build.

Personally, I prefer a man that is taller with a varying builds- he can be skinny, he just better not weigh less than me! lol

Men, women, please share your feelings/experiences!

 

Welcome

I don't see it as a double standard. I think people are just attracted to what they are attracted to. My best girlfriend perfers shorter men. I tend to be attracted to taller men with an athletic build. I'm not really very attracted the skinny guys. Early in life I pretty much always dated guys who were taller or very tall. Then I ended up in long term relationships with men who were shorter. I am now with a man who is 6'5" - 6'6"

I think it's sortof tough to dismiss men because of height though. It's not like they have any control over how tall they are.

I'm 5'4 and wear a size 18. I don't usually attract men who are into really skinny women. That's fine with me...once upon a time I attracted those men and quite frankly...I prefer those I attract now

What I've noticed is that it really seems that men prefer women who are comfortable and confident in their own skin no matter what size and shape. But maybe that's an age thing too....I don't know.

And of course...people don't always end up with those that they would be most attracted to physically. It's especially nice when you do though

 

I don't see any double standards here, but just more specifics are on what people are attracted to. First of all, most people here prefer and are more attracted to bm/ww over wm/bw. I decided several years ago that to date ww exclusively because I know that's what I really wanted. Now, to take iT further, I don't find every ww attractive. I don't find women as thin as Paris Hilton attractive. I think the plus-sized ww who is sexy as hell doesn't get enough props for her sexiness. I love the larger, curvy, voluptuous ww who has it all: big boobs, big butt, curvy wide hips.....and my gf is 5'6", size 16 and fits the bill! For a while I was disappointed I didn't fit the Tall, Dark, and Handsome criteria that a lot of ww like (I'm 5'8"), but my gf likes me just the way I am! The bottom line is, everybody has different tastes and different likes. There is someone of any size, shape, and color for everybody.

 

Good to see such open minded responses! In reading your replies, it might be more of an age/maturity thing. A more confident man (or woman) is perhaps more comfortable dating a person of varying heights/shapes/sizes without having such a specific "type". I know the more confident I become, the more open I am to men (preferably bm :wink: ) of different sizes and shapes. I won't lie though - I sill break my neck when I see "tall dark and handsome" walking by! Although 5'8" is still tall in my book since I am only 5'2"

 

I can't really comment on other people, but I'll share my personal view. To me height isn't really an issue, as long as the guy is taller than me. I think I tend to be attracted to athletic and fit guys though. It's not so much that I want a guy who's totally ripped, but an athletic physique often indicates that the guy likes to be active and I want an active guy When you spend most of your free time working out or playing sports (or whatever your interest may be) it's nice to have a partner who understands that priority and also one that will join you. Nothing is as motivating as working out with your guy!

Those are usually the kind of guys that I attract too, and I think a lot of the reason for the mutual attraction is the sharing of a common interest.

 

When I thing double standard, the first thing that comes to mind are my own experiences. The biggest problem I have is my size. I'm 6'3' and about 250 with a bald head and dark-skin. It is almost impossible for me to approach WW because of the inherent...I hate to say fear, but yeah, fear I feel they have of BM. Especially BM my size. (I'm so tired of the nervous vibe I get from WW if I'm alone in an elevator with one. I like WW but I don't want every WW I see!)

On one hand, 99% of women I know like bigger, athletic guys because of the security factor. But I guess I'm cursed with being too big. I have always wondered do big, athletic WM have the same problem?

 

You are feeding into your own insecurities. You are taking your own self-perception and putting it on other people's reactions, or you are finding reactions that aren't really even there. Stop thinking your size is a problem, period.

I'm a woman who is 5'11 and I love being tall, wouldn't change a thing. I could be self-conscious about it, buy into the 'amazon' thing, and assume that the men who aren't into me are that way b/c of my height. No way. Being tall is one of my best physical attributes and if a guy doesn't like it, he is welcome to keep on truckin.

You need to learn to truly appreciate yourself and stop letting your own problems with your size be a scape-goat for why you don't approach women. :wink:

 

That is your biggest problem? lol You are a lucky man then! But in all seriousness, I think fnnysmrtprtty is right about having the confidence to rock whatever height/weight you are at. Example: when I was in high school, I was CONVINCED that the reason no guys would talk to me was because I was overweight (mind you, I was 125 lbs at 5'2", so I was all of 2 pounds overweight!) But it was indeed a self fulfilling prophecy, because NONE of the guys at my HS ever approached me or asked me out. I am 100% convinced this was mainly due to the negative or insecure non-verbal vibes I was sending out. And FYI - the way you described yourself sounds exactly like how my man looks. And I think that both he and I are pretty damn attractive!

 

I think you ladies have the wrong idea. First, I have no problem approaching women. I think you have this perception that I'm overweight and self-conscious. I'm not either of those things. What I am is very broad, big shouldered, and very athletic. My suit size is a 54 long because I need the shoulder space.) What I think you ladies don't understand is what a lot of black men in the
U.S., especially in the South go through. I think you are projecting your ease and comfort around black men onto all WW out there. There is huge segment that are not attracted to black men (which is fine by me) or have had so little contact with black men, or black people for that matter, they are not comfortable around them. Sad but true...

 

I see - sorry for the misunderstanding. Can you tell I am such a girl? lol First thing I think of is weight issue! Talk about projecting my own insecurities

So, it is more that you think you may be perceived as "menacing" because you are large (athletic ) and darker. Hmmm, if that is a problem down south, perhaps you should move up north? :wink:

But in all seriousness, the type of ww that are "scared" of your look are not the ones that you would want to be with anyways, right? Actually, that "look" is what attracted me to my man. I saw him (tall, dark and buff) and I approached him...that was 5 years ago and we are still together. Maybe rather than seeking ww, the right ww will seek you out?

 

hmmm jelly...i am all of 5'2" and have always dated very tall men...6'1" , 6'6", 6'5" & 6'3"...i love tall men...and BIG too...i am a size 12/14 with a big booty so when i am with a BIG man it makes me feel little and much sassier than if i am with a smaller guy...i used to say that i would never date a man who's jeans were smaller than mine...i want to fell engulfed by him...so i have never been intimidated at all by a bigger build...gentle giants...nothing like a tall, larger build, bald handsome black man... :smt023

 

Lipstick - I agree! I mean, 5'10" is great (I'm 5'2" as well) but for some reason when I see a guy with the shoulders of a football player and the height of a basketball player, well, I get dumbstruck! It's like I have no control over where my eyes go or what I'll do next!!! And if he has a close fade or is bald - well that is the icing on the cake

 

I see what you are saying. I don't know about these kind of women. It is really pathetic when you step onto an elevator or even just walk by and they move out of the way or step to the side as if they can't touch a bm. Walk away really fast like they are scared. You know, I don't really know what to tell you. I think about 90% of the time it is the ww and how they are and about 10% of the time it is the men and how they portray themselves. If you are walking down the street in your hoodie and baggie jeans, trying to look hard then yes, they will act scared. That is a given. They will automatically thing "gangster" and be scared b/c that's what they think. Now if you are dressed nice with a pleasant look on your face, they may not act this way. I don't know, never tried it, but it's a thought. My husband is a big man and people are often scared of him but when they talk to him, they realize, he is a big teddy bear. I know you want to be yourself and if the hoodie and baggie jeans is you then don't change it up. Forget all of those scary ww. Let them be scared and maybe one day they will realize that we are all the same underneath. You are right, it is sad.

 

Or maybe your are projecting your own feelings onto women?

I was accused of something like you mentioned. Funny thing is, I was married to my ex at the time who made this guy look like a girl scout.

I pulled in to check my mail late one night and there was a black man gettin his. He assumed I was avoiding him due to his being black. Truth was my feet were killing me cause I had just worked a long shift.

I think you should look a little deeper into your own self on this one. Because even if a woman did have some fear of you, who is to say she didnt just have a very traumatic experience? Or maybe you are just reading her wrong? Or who give a f what her problem is, just dont carry her baggage?

 

Now see I would not think of you as heavy at all. And I certainly don't think you are too big of a guy (note my previous post and the height of my man) I get what you are saying and it's a very sad thing that people can be so fearful in life - about whatever they choose to be fearful of.

I do think that sometimes it is the energy that people put out. For me I can get a bit uneasy about any stranger in an elevator or in close quarters. If they smile and say hi...I'm probably going to feel much more at ease.

I do think it's true that very tall men (black and white) deal with fear from others more and they probably have to go the extra mile to try to make others feel more comfortable around them.

The gf I mentioned before who prefers short men...she said tall men intimidate her. Other women might feel more secure around a tall man. My grandmother always said there was something great about a tall man - he takes control of the room just by his presence. Like it or not...you stand out and you will end up with more attention - positive and negative.

And yes I would agree that things can be VERY different in different parts of the country. I would also agree...don't take their bullshit on!

 

Wow, what a room! Everywhere I look I see thick, beautiful, smart WW! Menacing was the word I was looking for, brewcitychick. But you know, I'm not going to smile if I don't feel like smiling because of someone else's insecurites and fear. The time is long gone where blacks had to "shuck and jive."
Flygirl, what you have to realize is that WE are the minority. People who look beyond color, who refuse to buckle to society's norms and choose to date who we like regardless of who it may piss off. I'm not looking into myself because I learned a long time ago the problem isn't with me...it's them.
Anyway...on a more positive note, I love this website. There are hundreds of dating sites but this I the only place I have found where I can share ideas and thoughts with like-minded people. Keep up the great conversations all you sexy WW out there!

 

You are correct sir!!! :wink:

Now, in your original question, you said

What about the fear bm have of a little ww like me? In another post, I actually mentioned that when I flirt with a bm, more often than not, THEY look like THEY are scared! And I know not every bm I talk to does ir or is even interested in me, but come on now! Do I need to wear a sign on my head "I LIKE BLACK GUYS"! lol Seems like I have to be a ghettofied ww in order to send that message across non verbally.

OK, just needed to vent. But really, the more perspectives I can gather from black males, the more I can understand some of these confusing situations!

 

Welllll, I have constantly gone on about preferring men to be at least 6ft or 6ft 2 or so...I am 5ft 10. And some of the men I have dated recently have been very tall, one was 6ft 6!

But my current man is exactly the same height as me and extremely slight, almost a bit geeky looking. Definitely not a beefcake or anything like that. Yet he has beautiful eyes, the softest lips and the gentlest hands...he is just SO sexy!

 

Brewcitychick, don't change one hair on your pretty, little head. I can't speak for other BM but I prefer WW, PEOPLE for that matter...who are themselves. Your ghetto persona will be fake and easy to see through...and besides that, any guy that is scared off when you show him a little attention is probably too whimpy for a woman such as yourself. And I sure you don't want a man like that! If you want to send a clear message to a guy that you want him to at least come over and talk to you, the easiest thing to do is just make eye contact and smile. That works on most guys. At least the guys I know. And it sure as hell works on me, too!

 

I don't think it's about that. It's just about being friendly. I don't think you need to go out of your way. I'm just saying that I know I feel more comfortable when people smile.

I do think the internet makes things easier for many people. There are all sorts of places on the net for people to find what they are looking for.