has love gone out the window ?

it seems divorce is sky high and it also seems people only want booty buddies and lastly people are just scared to get into relationships .

my question is where has the love gone or was there any love to begin with

 

I ask myself this all the time.

My parents have been married almost 54 yrs and my sister has been married 29 yrs. One cousin is getting married this year and another just got engaged.

I still have hope....

 

yeah I saw ur thread about venting and that came up in my mind because i thought the same.

even when people get married and been married for a long time ( not saying yor parents did it) but sometimes you find out scandalous stuff thinking everything was cool.

cheating to me is not a sign of love but disrespect.

 

ahh... such a wonderfully simple question with such a horribly complicated explanation. lol

well i think a few things are in play. (i will try to be brief with this one. lol) first i think many people don't know what "love" is, so for them it probably never existed. or at least in the traditional sense that you are probably referring to. you know, damaged backgrounds and no connection to genuine emotions and feelings. everything has a stain on it from the beginning.

and then you take that and mix in a poisonous concoction (sp?) of people who are just building and staying in relationships for the sake of convenience. whether that be that they're tired of the game or if it's an even lower common denomenator, financial.

and once you have that junk as a bonding agent in your relationship structure, it is bound to deteriorate and fall apart. and then folks coming out of a crap azz situation, they normally don't want to start up anything else that could potentially devastate their emotional lives, so then they just lean to one side of their personality when it comes to relationships so they can try to protect themselves from whatever else bad is going to happen next.

but real love is based in belief and faith. i know not everyone is spiritual so i won't take it ALL the way there... but you get what i'm saying. lol and i think a lot of people are just too irresponsible in making decisions on who to share their lives with (choosing to build with destructive mates). you just can't win with a loser. the square peg will never fit into the triangle hole.

 

Not saying that my parents marriage is perfect cause it has seen its ups and downs and managed to withstand a lot. A lot of people ask them what makes their relationship work. They tell them it's about having respect and being friends.

I think some people also jump into relationships too soon and don't really take the time out to learn the other person (although, like you said, some people fake the funk and the skeletons come out later). In this day and age, we're on a new playing field. People don't want to give and take anymore, people seem to be replaceable and then some people have become very selfish.

 

very on point on a lot there. not taking the time and being selfish .

but isnt love selfish tho ?

i believe love is an act more so than anything ?

 

I think you summed it all up....

 

i'm glad you posted that, IB. because i was going to follow my rant by saying even though there is all this lameness in the relationship world these days, the successful side of the game that i see is amazingly grand. i have some family and also a few close personal friends that have the most beautiful relationships to appreciate. they are real, ups and downs. but there is respect and communication. and when an issue arises, they confront it. and move through it. and get back to enjoying life and supporting each other.

now whether i'll ever get that sh!t, who the f**k knows. hahaha but it's good to know that it still works, for somebody! :smt045

 

you stated love is based on belief and faith so if you have that it should manifest into an act ?

 

You're not supposed to be selfish when you love. You're giving of yourself and accepting the other person for who they are.

Love isn't easy to explain, so I have to just give my opinion in one sentence.

I think love is an emotion that becomes an action. So when you love someone or something, it shows.

 

I'm confused are you talking about love or marriage?

 

I love hearing about when people have real relationships that are still going strong. I think in our society and generation, we're so jaded. People give up so easily these days. Like I said, some people act like people are replaceable. What you can't do for me, the next person will type of mentality.

You are not alone AdSum.

I always say that I'm in the game because I have to be, but I'm a redshirt cause I don't want to play.

 

I met my husband when I was 15 years old. We've been together ever since. Love is alive, it's around, and if you haven't found it yet, I believe you will.

 

we can talk about both and or longterm relationships

 

That's such a good inspiration Chi....

Thank you....

 

hmm... not sure i follow the question.
but if you are a believer, than you should live by faith. so if you love someone you have to live that love. it needs to be part of your deal. a lot of people talk about love like it's just an emotion. or a thing they feel but somehow it's magic that is out of their grasp. i don't think so. it's a blessing and therefore a responsibility. so once love is in your life you have to cherish and nurture it. help it to grow. it's a living organism.

 

that's tight. congrats on that one.

 

what i mean is that in the begininng people i FEEL like Im in love with that person so if you feel like you are then you will do ( act) on those feelings.

 

I agree with Chi love is all around what I think is lacking is love for self and management of expectations. Too often I see people looking to others to make their life better instead of trying to share their lves with someone. I think what's really important is finding happiness within and so many people fail to do this and seek to find it through someone else and they don't find it they become disillusioned and jaded. Love is a guarantee relationships are not. We can't be happy if I'm not happy first. Honesty and communication also lacks because people spend so much time hiding who they are in fear that the person who "loves" them will run off the moment they find out about the true them. So this causes people to be decietful and lie in order to keep an illusion alive. I truly believe love yourself first and others won't be able not to love you.

 

You touch on someting very importany and perhaps one of the reasons marriages dont last.
You have to be completed and happy first with yourself...then marry to share that. Not get married to become completed and happy.