Goldigger vs. Wanted Someone Financially Stable

Definitely agree. Your husband is one lucky man leksola.

 

Well said. Love is holding someone's head over the toilet when they're puking from a hangover and saying "I love you, ya dumb shit, DON'T do that to yourself again!" ;-)

 

Absolutely NOT. I just don't want to NOT to be able to do the things I enjoy with a partner. I am up for new interests and accomedating a partner too.

 

Well some might say I'm false.. I'm not fully vegetarian/vegan, I wear some makeup... my job too Husband is pretty complete in his beliefs and it was simple common ground conversation starter when we first met I guess.

Anyway thanks for the positive feedback all.. I feel warm and gooey, aw.

 

Well everyone should pursue their life according to what they believe works for them.

Question is, where is the line? Jobs get lost, people get cancer; have accidents;decide to ditch their jobs for something less well paid that makes them happy...the GFC fucked a lot of careers up for banker-types. And lots of their marriages followed.

If circumstances change, and they stop being able to afford to "do the things you enjoy", what happens?

What if you fall for someone, but he decides that you can't afford to keep up with him. Would you feel ok about it?

If you like fine arts, you can spend $500-as-much-as-you-want on dress circle and Opera.. or you can go to a museum for $5 or free. Or a jazz band and drink one beer or water.

Like nature, you can go skiing in a luxury lodge.. or hiking in beautiful wilderness for free.

Music? you can spend hundreds of dollars on concert tickets and clubbing.. or dance around your lounge room together to your favourite music.

Love food? Famous restaurant.. or find a soul food joint and eat beans for $10 made to an old family recipe. Or cook together in the kitchen and talk.

Then when you do get there together to do whatever you want it feels good.. but maybe you find you like the other stuff better, anyway.

I guess I have the luxury of not ever having felt like I needed more for myself or with another other than what I was earning, but I think true happiness takes real risk sometimes, expanding your horizons.

We are all different. So long as you know you are staying true to yourself.

Ok, enough fucking preaching.

 

My God Lekolsa seriously ARE THERE ANYMORE LIKE YOU AT HOME????
It's rare to here a women describe enjoying life with her significant other rather than maintaining or upping their lifestyle. All I can say is wow kid.

 

Thanks man.. I'm getting argumentative though.. happens after a long week. I forget sometimes I can get home and stop arguing.

Musical interlude time


[YOUTUBE]svmA1U38c9A[/YOUTUBE]

No vid for this one yet..but he says it better than me.

 

I agree on many of the points you made. And have done many of the things you have said. However, when you HAVE made changes for many years to accomedate another person, it is nice to have someone that is campatable with you WITHOUT HAVING TO MAKE CHANGES.

From what I have gathered from your posts, you are in your 20s. Believe me, relationships change a great deal when you are in your 40s.

 

Yes, I understand. I didn't want to cross the line, but to me it sounds like you come from a position of having been financially used or abused at some point.

I am not saying that is acceptable. I have smelt those who would try it on me.

I understand the desire for practical compatibility and not having to make changes to accommodate another person, but I don't think marriage works without some adjustment.

I never had to compromise my core values or beliefs and never would.

The rest, negotiable.

I still don't understand how it works without each person in the team accommodating another when the shit really hits the fan in your life together. if you aren't able to bend at the beginning over scuba diving or salsa dancing.

I know my learned friends in family law make a sick amount of money from the aftermath though.

Sometimes in countries where its not easy like it is for us I saw tableaus of love that make me feel both in awe and desperately sad.

We have it so cushy in the West, it's easy to get hung up on the day to day minutiae and personally I think it spoils it.

 

Thanks.

I guess we just look through a similar eye piece.

That's what I like about these forums.

 

Not financially abused , however in my marriage, I made a lot of sacrifices to accomedate my ex's financial wants. For example, he wanted a trailer, I did not, one was bought with joint funds.. When I wanted a motorcycle, he said we could not afford it. When I wanted to go on vacation to Europe, he said no, we have the trailer, for me a vacation does not involve cooking and cleaning up. This are merely 2 examples in 20 years.

Now that I am single, I do what I want and spend my money how I chose, I am saving for a house, own a bike that I LOVE riding and vacation overseas at least once a year. In a partner, I want someone who has the means to do what I like, that's all plain and simple. I can pay for me and I want him to pay for him. That in my mind does not make me a gold digger.

At this point in my life, I am NOT willing to sacrifice what I want for someone else. There is a HUGE difference between sacrifice and compromise.

 

Hey.. do you think you could still climb low on an inside wall in a gym? I hope you don't mind me asking, I'm not sure about your progression. Be an inside tree pixie of sorts

 

My problem with this post is why do you HAVE to make changes? Isn't the goal to find someone you're in sync with?
I don't imagine it has to allows be convient but for the most part I'd imagine so. Does part of it also come from needing your significant other to be your main hang out buddy because your line about finding someone who can do the things you want to do stood out to me.
If we're together and my income doesn't allow us to go to the symphany for 200 bucks a ticket is that really a big deal. Couldn't we just listen together at home alone cuddled up with a nice bottle of wine making out?
Or if its so important to you then do it with a girlfriend or your kid.
I guess my point is I wish more people would appreciate what they can do instead of resenting what they can't

 

OK, I understand how a point of view could develop. You just want that freedom to breathe in, relax, spend how you choose for awhile. Women making those adjustments financially often feel they are doing so emotionally as well somewhere and maybe they are.

I think those arguments are usually symptomatic not a cause though. It reinforces my desire to make sure I don't view those things as too important (I wouldn't dare to intrude on your personal experience, but in my observation generally they come from something else under the surface of the relationship).

 

Definitely! I know I can view things with youthful naivete in some respects.. that's ok to me though, happy to enjoy it while I can. Also nice to take the opportunity to learn from experience, someone who has raised children etc.

Lots of sad stories I could tell but that will just make us all down.

 

I don't feel that I HAVE to make changes, my orignal point is that I want someone who can do the things that I like to do IF we as a couple choose to do them.

I often prefer to do things with friends as opposed to with the man in my life. How many guys enjoy Sex in the City? I dated a man who hated the beach and I love it, so we did not go together and I went with my friends. However, we both enjoy bikes and would often ride. My comfort level to be honest is seeing someone 2 or 3 times a week.

And sure we can cuddle and make up with a cheap bottle of wine and a pizza from time to time, but isn't it also nice to get out now and then?

 

Absolutely I love nice hikes and walks with a significant other but the way you came across(and I'm beginning to see that it wasn't your intention) is its your way or no way. I just didn't want you to close yourself off to a good guy because 100 dollar art shows every week were out of his price range.
Where are you meeting guys who can't go out every once and a while?

 

Exactly... but getting too obsessed with that shit makes you not see the people you actually ARE in sync with in all the important ways.

Good company can happen on a ratty old couch with a radio.